Toddler Step child claiming everything bought for newborn

[Busted1979]

I understand this isn’t the worst of problems to have but it is something that is really starting to annoy me so I’m wondering if I’m being silly or if other people have felt the same

My partner has a 7 year old from a previous relationship who stays with us every weekend , she’s a great child and we have an amazing relationship however, she is very, very spoilt this is something I’ve always bit my tongue on and I think because my boyfriend and his parents don’t get to see her whenever they want (the mum is awful- banned he family from seeing her at one point) they make up for the time they have with her by buying her everything .

So recently my partner and I have had a 3 month old daughter , her step sister is great with her, loves her, however EVERYTHING we have bought for our new baby she claims as her own my boyfriend just see’s it as sharing which I understand but it’s driving me crazy, this child has ALL the toys in the world, Barbuda a Nintendo switch every board game ever I don’t understand why she wants to play with a baby’s scrunch butterfly or her soft book, I come downstairs in the morning and she’s laying in the baby’s babygym ? Despite being 9 times too big for it , any soft toy we’ve bought for the baby she cuddles and takes to bed with her despite having a full basket of her own bears and soft toys here !
I must sound horrible but I shouldn’t have to ask for something back off a 7 year old when I need it for the baby, she even takes her blankets and uses them on her despite us having 2 adult size throws in the living room that we use I know it sounds mean but I want them to be the baby’s own I want them to have her smell so she familiarises with them

I’ve tried talking to my partner and he completely dissmisses me and thinks I’m being silly help !

[LollipopCakeThing]

If your SD doesn't stop in next few months you should intervene and explain boundaries. I wander if your DH will be all about sharing once it's you toddler DD takind SDs toys to play with.

Bit mean to a 7 year old who is behaving like a normal 7 year old.

[WhiteCat1704]

Well it might be "normal" but it's not right. I have 8years older sister who ALWAYS took anything nice I ever got...She would "borrow" and never give back..She was still doing it as a teenager. She felt entailed to it, probably because parents thought it was normal too and never stopped it.

If your SD doesn't stop in next few months you should intervene and explain boundaries. I wander if your DH will be all about sharing once it's you toddler DD takind SDs toys to play with.

[BertieBotts]

My 10yo was laid under the baby's musical gym today playing with the toys and giggling away It's just daftness and novelty. Annoying, yes, but much much better than aggressiveness or jealousy towards the baby - embrace it :)

[DrWhy]

My 2 year old lays on his 7 week old sisters playmat, he also wants to lay in her cot, play with her toys, go to bed with one of her blankets instead of his duvet and even spent a week or so wanting to wear a sleepsuit to bed instead of pjs. I think it’s prettu normal. We’ve dug out some extra baby blankets so he can sleep under one, we have some toddler sized sleepsuits we were given for him when he was younger if he wants them and and generally let him get on with it with the toys. If he had something we needed for the baby I’d try the same tactics to take it off him as I would if he was playing with something I needed for any other reason like the oven gloves for example - the techniques for a 7 year old will be different to a 2 year old.

[Anuta77]

My SD who is 12 also plays with our baby toys, I even hear her making noise with them while she's taking a shower. She plays on his little piano, guitar or anything that makes noise. She also used to lay on his playmat. I also found it a bit annoying (especially when she was touching the buttons with her feet), but it's true that our now toddler (15 months) also wants to play with her phone (the only "toy" she brings to our house) or my older son's toys. My older son who's 10 is not interested in the little one's toys. I guess it depends on their personalty, SD likes to pretend sometimes that she's a baby and constantly asks her father 1) if he was doing with her whatever he's doing with the little one and 2) what was she doing when he was doing it. It's also a bit annoying, but we just have to be patient. My 10 y.o doesn't ask that.

Don't pay attention to the rude posters, I guess judging makes them feel good about themselves....

[goldengummybear]

Are you an only child OP? This is totally normal behaviour from your sd, Your dd will probably do the same if she has a younger sibling.
She is trying to get adult attention (normal) by diverting you from her sibling (normal). She needs lots of reassurance because this is a massive change in her life and it will take her time to realise that everything is great. Your dd doesn't realise that this is happening yet so you need to chill until she's mobile and the sisters fight over the same object.

[Newmumma1979]

She’s definitely not overlooked but I understand your point I constantly play games with her , we bake cakes together I take her shopping with me and the baby she is very involved and like I said we have an excellent relationship

The dad and her have plenty of alone time as he sees her in the week also

Thank you for all the sharing advice like I said I was aware I might be being silly some people are being rude for no reason
I’m not at all bothered about them sharing toys it’s when she has her blankets and we’re about to go out in the pram etc or when she needs changing or a noisy toy that helps sooth her etc sorry if I worded it wring

[BertieBotts]

The book Siblings Without Rivalry might really help.

[blackcat86]

She's not a toddler and presuming that your DP is the father of both DC then she's her half sister. Your description would suggest that you're not familiar with kids of that age so I would suggest having a google or getting some parenting books so that you know what's normal for her age. You're sounding quite negative about DSD which is unnecessary as she's behaving normally.

You say that there are 2 blankets for adults and the baby blankets so where as DSDs blankets? Could you take her out to choose a couple?

You're coming across as quite precious about the baby's things but i can assure you that the baby really doesn't care. I have a 15yr old DSS and a 4 month old DD. Yesterday DSS and DH both played with the baby's toys, laying on her play mat and foam tiles. DSS then has great fun showing DD the toys. I don't think you need to be so put out by it. If DSD is on the play mat pop baby in a bouncer and get DSD to help entertain baby or fetch muslins etc.

[Cherries101]

She’s trying to get your attention. At that age when a child is desperate for attention they’ll settle for anything even negative attention — she knows being naughty or claiming baby’s things annoys you, but I’m guessing you and her dad don’t pay any attention to her when she’s good. (Not your fault, it’s easy to overlook a good child).

I suggest you get her more involved with the baby. Start referring to it as her sibling. I also suggest letting her and her dad spend private time away from you and the baby. They should spend 1-2-1 time and it’s vital they do otherwise their relationship will be ruined.

[Newmumma1979]

Sorry English isn’t not my first language if I’ve used the terms wrong

[Newmumma1979]

No I’m not English sorry for the use of the use of the word toddler

English is not my first language !

[Newmumma1979]

No completely know she doesn’t ‘need’ her soft toys I meant when she’s lying on the baby’s changing matt etc and I do need those things at the time she is doing so etc

[Akire]

Maybe you could suggest she lends the baby a few of her soft toys? It’s one thing wanting to try out and get attention that’s normal. But if she is still taking every toy and blanket away at this stage you may need to make a point of sharing out things between them (with her help). She will have to start sharing soon better on her terms to start.

[EsmeeMerlin]

Also it will go the other way too, my youngest has played non stop with a power ranger container my eldest got for Christmas. He also loves to go for the hot wheels cars. Siblings take some getting used to.

[bookmum08]

Buy her a baby doll. You look after your baby, she looks after her baby.

[CarrieBlu]

Also, if you stop your DC and SD building up a good relationship where they both feel loved and involved, and can share and play nicely together, you won’t have those lovely moments where the oldest entertains the youngest and allows you five minutes peace to have a cup of tea.

[EsmeeMerlin]

As everyone else has said it’s completely normal. My 5 year old will sit and play with his 10 month old younger brother’s toys and likes to play in his brother’s cot and use it as a den. He was really bad with wanting everything his brother has and wanting to be a baby when his brother was first born.

It’s completely fine and it’s not like the baby is aware of it. It would be different if your dsd was snatching from her 3 year old sister and making her cry.

It’s just her getting used to a baby sibling. It will calm down, point out to her how much cooler her toys are. Make sure she feels included and has one on one time too.

[CarrieBlu]

You’re being ridiculous and unkind towards your SD.

As PP’s have said, she’s not a toddler.

Sharing and involving older siblings is a nice way for them to connect.

A 3 month old does not need soft toys.

Our two DC just wanted each other’s toys this Christmas. Didn’t bother us, as long as everyone is having a good time and they share nicely. I think it’s your attitude that needs work, not your step daughters.

[fruityvicar]

1. Not a toddler
2. Not her step sister
3. Let her play with the toys ffs
4. The baby won't care

[MrsPworkingmummy]

A 3 month old will have absolutely no concept of toys / blankets etc, so don't worry about your baby feeling she's missing out in some way. What your DSD is doing is completely normal - regardless of the fact she's her half sister (which I think you're subtly alluding too). There's a similar age gap between my two children, and my elder daughter is exactly the same as your SD. Our baby is nearly 1 now, and she still gets in his cot, plays with his toys etc. She needs to know she's still loved so we go along with it. We've massively involved her in helping out - perhaps you could too. Our DD helps bathe, change nappies and play with her brother. I BF so she knows she can't do that. She's desperate to know he loves her as much as she perceives him to love me and her dad so we constantly tell her what a fab big sister she is (she's amazing) and make an effort to give her 1-2-1 time. Your SD needs love and reassurance. Don't spoil your relationship with her by acting annoyed or too protective over your baby.

[Ethel80]

It sounds pretty normal to me and the behaviour is possibly magnified because she's not with you all the time. I imagine it might be difficult for her to know that you have a family unit that doesn't include her part of the time.

I'd do as others suggest and encourage her to be involved and don't make this a battleground as you'll be the one that looks petty.

[MummySharkDoDo]

All 3 of mine share toys, and gravitate towards baby ones. Try to reframe it by promoting a sibling bond rather than separateness, if she’s holding a baby toy for example show her how to entertain the baby with it or ask her to use the blanket to tuck around the baby herself. Get her involved.

If she’s over the line just suggest giving the baby the switch in lieu of what she’s pushing her luck with in a jokey manner

[Anotherdayanotherdollar]

My 4 yr old (also not a toddler) does this with his brother's things. Its normal

Sids guidelines recommend against soft toys etc in cots.