Paying for dsd holiday

[pinkhorse]

My dp has a 15 year old daughter who lives with her mum full time. We are in the process of moving so we have room for her. He pays full maintenance.
We have taken her on 2 holidays this year, her mum has taken her on none (she has been on 3 with her bf this year).

Dp’s ex has asked us to contribute to a holiday for dsd next summer with her friend and her friends mum. We were happy to do this until we were told the price. The cost is £900! So we are expected to pay £450. We cannot afford this as well as moving house. Plus we expected a Holliday to be somewhere cheap. I don’t know where they’re going where a 15 year old costs £900 plus spending money (which we’d need to contribute to as well) but this is more than we’d pay for our own luxury holiday every few years.

What do you think? Do we scrape the money together to pay for this? He has another child and I have another child so dsd is not an only child.

[Lottie509]

Why is it so much have you asked?

[HelloSquirrels]

I wouldnt pay for it considering youve taken her on holiday twice this year. But i expect ill get shot down in flames for saying that!

[Lottie509]

If you cant afford it I would say so personally.

[pinkhorse]

We did ask why it was so much but ex doesn’t know. She thinks they’re going to turkey or the med which aren’t expensive places.

[Matilda2013]

We pay for our own holidays we don’t split the costs. If we went to take dsd away then we pay for everything. If her mum wants to take her than she pays for everything.

[pinkhorse]

Dsd is going with her best friend and her best friends mum

[HelloSquirrels]

If its been agreed she can go by her mum then her mum should be paying...

[Justbookedasummmerholiday]

I would offer spending money only. How do you know they have even asked for her to contribute?

[pinkhorse]

Her mum has agreed that she can go and now she’s asked us to contribute half so we’re going to look the bad guys when we say no!

[ChickenlessHead]

That sounds about right for a weeks holiday in Europe in school hols doesn’t it? How much were you hoping it would be?

[Mumsiemummy1]

How does mum not know where they are going but knows how much it will cost?! Something sounds fishy to me.

[HelloSquirrels]

chickenlesshead crikey not to me it doesnt! Especially if its turkey!

[Hissy]

No, you pay your holidays, the DM pays hers.

You can give dsd spending money if you’re feeling generous, or offer a contribution.

[pinkhorse]

We went abroad in the school hols this year all inclusive with 4 of us for £2000.
The other thing is, dsd is 16 in a couple of months so could get a little part time job or even ask for money for her birthday to put towards it. Is that unreasonable?

[BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried]

Offer what you can afford and say take it or leave it but that’s all we have.

[ButtMuncher]

Nope, you pay for your holidays, and DM pays for hers. No way would my DSSs mum ever ask for a holiday payment - unless it was a school trip, in which case we'd of course contribute.

[Hissy]

Dsd can raise moneys herself by working, babysitting/birthday money etc

If I were you, I’d get the bff family to contact you directly to explain costs etc, and then decide

[NorthernSpirit]

No, I wouldn’t pay. You already pay maintenance and pay to take her away and mum can do the same if she wishes. The mother should of had the courtesy to agree it with you before she said yes.

[ohreallyohreallyoh]

It's about what we pay per head for 3 star all inclusive in Spain during school holidays. It's a lot, I agree, but I doubt it's genuine luxury or overpriced.

[pinkhorse]

Thanks for the replies. I’m relieved to see that we’re not alone in our thinking

[Magda72]

I don't think you should feel any obligation to contribute. Your dp pays full maintenance & takes her on holidays so this is in her mums court as she agreed to it. Also it's not like it's taking from dsd's holidays with her mum as her mum doesn't take her on holidays! Would be different if it was a school trip but it's not.
My dp pays full maintenance & takes his kids on holidays/breaks 2/3 times a year. His ex still asks him to pay for her holidays with the kids & every time he has refused. She kicks up but he explains to the kids that her holidays alone or with them are her business & hers to pay for. The kids get it.

[DressedCrab]

You have no obligation. Maybe her mother could sacrifice one of her holidays with her boyfriend to pay for it. Bloody cheek.

[Lelloteddy]

Just to be clear, her mum is NOT going on this holiday? DSD has been invited to go on holiday with her friends family. So it’s a slightly different scenario to her mum asking you to subsidise HER family holiday.
If you can afford it, then pay it, with the stipulation in future that you have to be consulted BEFORE any arrangements are made.