Sorry for the long post!
Background is my DP and I have been together two and a half years. We have a DD 9 weeks old together. I have 2 DD's and he has one DS. My DD's live with me 5 days a week. His DS lives with us Mon & Tue each week and then Fri-Sat for 2 weeks and Sat-Sun for 2 weeks. So he is with us most of each weekend. This has worked out well so far. The problem is I just don't get along with his son and following much advice on here about disengaging, this is what I have done. DP & SS have no idea how I feel. It just works that i keep busy and out of the way and spend minimal time in his company. They truly have no idea that I just don't like SS. He is very sneaky and demanding. He is 7 and does nothing for himself. Won't wash or brush his own teeth etc, and behaves like a toddler most of the time. When he is here he insists on it being one on one time with his Dad. This works for me but as baby gets older she will want time with her Dad. SS is absolutely not interested in his sister, despite attempts to engage them. He just wants Dad all to himself and has no interest in anyone or anything else.
Anyway, recently he has been refusing to return to his Mums (she isn't very involved with him) and my DP and his parents have been dropping hints that he may be happier living with us full time. This fills me with dread. It's hard enough keeping up the pretence for half the week. I couldn't live with it full time. I had hoped things would change over time but I just can't be around him for more than a few minutes. His Dad thinks the sun shines from him and excuses his behaviours. He doesn't fit in with the rest of the family (won't clear his plate from the table after dinner or even try to make his bed or any other chores that the other kids have to. He seems to think he is exempt as he is only with us half the time. But he still wants the biggest room as he has to share at his Mums (so do my two at their Dads). He is a very fussy eater so I am expected to make separate meals for him. The list is endless. It's so hard to not have access to my partner half the week (he doesn't go to bed until around ten most evenings) I couldn't do it all week. But what do I say? How do I tell my OH if/when he asks that there is no way I could do it. It would be the end of us and then he wouldnt be with his daughter full time. So it seems like he is having to choose and I don't want that. So how do I react? How do I word it that it's not right for the other members of the family, mainly me I admit, to have SS fulll time.
He only wants it because he thinks it would be all one on one time all week. Clearly this wouldn't be the same if he was full time anyway, but from a 7 year olds point of view he thinks he will have permanent treats, late nights and no chores. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I dont see how things will ever change about my feelings towards him and I can manage to navigate it as it is. But 7 days a week is saying goodbye to my relationship. Please don't be too hard on me as I've said nobody knows how I feel and I keep it al in. I just want it to stay as it is. Any helpful advice gratefully received.
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Step-parenting
SS full time? I can't do it
86 replies
fizzingmum · 30/09/2016 18:48
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