Hi, New to mumsnet but have found some articles in here previously that have made me feel "not-so-alone".
I feel as though I'm in a really desperate situation at home with regards to my 4yo step son. I am 26 and my partner of 2years is 41 and had a 4yo son from a previous relationship.
At the beginning, I had a fantastic relationship with my step son and couldn't get enough of him, now I struggle to even show him any affection.
He really is a lovely little boy, very well behaved, never plays up, but I am repulsed by the idea of being maternal towards him.
I don't have children of my own, but would love to have children with my partner, however, I am terrified that if I discuss my true feelings with him about his son, he will leave me.
From my point of view, I see my step son as a symbol of the fact that my partner once loved someone else enough to have a child with them, and the jealousy that this creates within me is eating me alive.
The 4yo is incredibly intelligent, and he talks about "mummy" all the time in my presence and how much he loves her, and even ignores me when I am talking to him, or will give me total silent treatment.
My partner recognises that his son is territorial, and takes control of the situation when the 4yo is winding me up (so to speak), but this doesn't seem to help.
I know a lot of people here would tell me to grow up and realise that this is what I "signed up for" when I started a relationship with a man who has a child, but I feel totally isolated.
I feel that everyone would hate me if I made my true feelings known, and that it would be the end to one of the most loving relationships I've had with another person.
In short, I feel instinctively repulsed by this child - he is not mine, he never will be, and I would never wish him to be. I feel like his presence in the relationship is a burden and it is slowly driving a wedge between my partner and I.
Childish it may be, but I wish he didn't exist!
I'm very sorry if anybody takes offence to that, but deep down, that is how I feel about this child and I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown if I can't get these feelings off my chest.
Is anyone else in a similar situation? I feel very alone and don't know what to do.
Thanks x
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Step-parenting
Struggling to bond with 4yo step son
lacjj90 · 30/05/2016 17:21
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