I'll keep this brief. I never set out to follow a specific parenting method, and have never read any books, but have fallen into the attachment camp - co-sleeping, frequent breastfeeding, BLW, slinging. I don't even have a pram 10 months in.
My daughter from birth has only had one night of 7-hour sleep (and I think that was the jaundice...). We were happy to co-sleep, breastfeed to sleep if it were 2-5 night wakings. Well, for the past month it has been 6-8 night wakings. She's teething now and I've been feeding to sleep every 20 minutes sometimes. I spend my nights in bed seething, buzzed, unable to sleep when she's finally asleep. I'm bruised from her pinching, scratched. I've not had a shower in two days and I
My husband works nights so has to sleep in the day -- necessitating long trips out with her in the sling. So I'm alone most evenings dealing with what feels like feeding a crocodile on crack in bed.
I have had 2 hours sleep in 48 hours, with one night before that when I got a few hours. A few nights last week I never slept. I've been rowing with DH, I nearly crashed our car and I have no energy, I want to shout at my gorgeous daughter and sometimes just sit listlessly looking at her. I'm not the mother I was a few weeks ago. I've been hospitalised for depression in my twenties and can recognise the dullness, anger, listlessness. I'm not there, but can feel it coming. I have totally lost my confidence. I feel my previous confidence has been drowned out and I constantly question my decisions and sometimes feel I'm putting my principles above my daughter's wellbeing. She needs a decent night's kip too.
I was adamant that I'd never do any sleep training and I'll admit that I swallowed the arguments for AP wholesale. With my non-sleep deprived hat on, I can recognise the benefits, but think they are sometimes overplayed -- like with the routine end of the spectrum too. But it feels gentle and kind and generally suits me.
Having no sleep at all does not suit me. I have for weeks endlessly run over CC in my mind but can't quite make the leap. I almost feel ready to.
Although my husband is very supportive, he's not here. I moved back to the UK recently and my mother's not that keen on visiting. So I feel little support, no backup, any outside help. I think that's key to AP being easy when it gets tough.
Can anyone reassure me, or talk me through CC? I may not do anything but I need to hear some sensible voices.
Or is it purely developmental? In which case I should try my best to weather the storm?
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AP has broken me - considering CC
54 replies
dorisbonkers · 26/08/2009 16:17
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