I’m at my wits end

[fruityb]

I’ve posted before and received some good advice and I’m probably only posting this to get it out of my system but...

My son is nearly two and a half. He slept 12 hours a night till he hit two from being about six months old - and before that he was sleeping all night from 8 weeks. Therefore this is all a bit difficult for me.

He’s in a bed and we were at a stage where he’d get into bed, say night night and then that would be it till he came in to us in the morning. About two months ago he stopped going to bed at night without kicking up an almighty fuss. It then hit a point where one of us would sit there till he fell asleep. I put it down to bad dreams or regression and thought it would just pass. It hasn’t.

Over Christmas he started coming into our bed in the night anywhere between two and four. Then it was one. Then midnight. Then the other night 11pm. Which I drew the line at.

We saw HV the other day for his two year check and she suggested a stair gate on his door and disappearing chair method. However I have tried the disappearing thing and all he did was climb out of bed and try and drag me back, kick off massively and then I’d end up back in his room or dh would. I couldn’t handle ds screaming in my ear - and he does.

Tonight we decided controlled crying - so five then ten then fifteen etc. We put him to bed at just after seven, he had his story, I said night night and tucked him in and left.

He’s still awake now and has somehow managed to stand at the gate screaming for an hour “lay down mummy”. It hasn’t let up at all - I wouldn’t have the energy for that so no idea where he gets it. Dh is up there now because it’s just ridiculous how long he has managed to keep this up.

I’ve gone from sitting in the dark in his room for an hour hearing lay down mummy over and over again to hearing him scream it downstairs. He stops the instant you set foot on the stairs and gets into bed fine. Leave and it all starts again. And all I can think is what time is he going to wake in the night shouting of me. He woke up at four am and happily got back into bed when I gave him a dummy as he’d knocked all his on the floor. I just don’t know what to do about this awful awful problem at bedtime. I end up sitting in his room - usually at least 45 minutes if not more - and then desperately trying to creep out without hearing “lay down mummy” again. I don’t lay on his bed or even lean on it!! I am literally sitting on the floor in the pitch black - I doubt he can even see me.

He only naps if he needs to on weekends and CM has shortened it a lot as she has a new baby starting and therefore won’t have a space for him to nap when there’s three kids there two days a week.

He’s finally gone to sleep now - dh sat in there for five minutes....

I don’t know what to do or how to handle this or anything!! Do I just have to ride this out till he decides he can do it himself? I don’t actually mind sitting in his room while he sleeps - I stick a podcast on and wait - but it’s the fact I can be in there an hour and then struggle to get out without him waking! This is honestly the hardest thing I have gone through since he was born - newborn ds slept better than this!! I know we haven’t helped by allowing him to stay in our bed when he came in but sometimes it was either that or no sleep and going to work zombified. I hate hearing him cry but I feel like I’m being controlled at times which I know is mad!

Is it a case of solve the staying in own bed in the night and then tackling bedtime? It’s felt good just to get this down if I’m honest.

[fruityb]

It’s currently 2am. I came out of his bedroom twenty minutes ago after he went back to sleep after repeating the word “carry” to me - meaning he wants out of his room. Dh is in there now as he woke again and is still saying carry on a loop. This is after 90 minutes going to sleep at bedtime two nights on the bounce and being up at 5am this morning.

I can’t cope with this - when the hell does this end??? He starts shouting, screaming to go downstairs or out - he won’t ever stop. The HV said to leave him to it but he would literally stand there for an hour screaming it and that means he’s not sleeping and neither are we or the neighbours.

This is causing my anxiety to rocket, my energy is drained and I am doing a shit job at work and I’m crabby at home. I am just going through the motions of everything.

Is the incessant repeating of what he wants a thing with everyone? He will stand there saying “lay down mummy” over and over and over just like he’s saying carry. He will just keep saying it - it’s like there’s no end and he won’t give in till he gets it.

[NeverHadANickname]

I have no help to offer but didn't want no one to answer again. It sounds awful. I hope someone can give you some advice.

[fruityb]

He’s still wake, dh is in there and I’m
In bed in tears. All I can hear is lay down daddy and he will shout it if he wants to.

He’s such a good kid in the daytime he really is - night time has turned him into a controlling shouting little shit and I hate myself for feeling like this.

This can’t go on it just can’t. He used to sleep all night and I don’t know why he stopped. I can’t leave him to shout about it because he would just do that and never stop!!!

[NeverHadANickname]

I hope you managed to get some sleep, or do at some point tonight. I'm not surprised you feel how you do with so little sleep.

[fruityb]

My resentment is probably visible right now. I have bags the size of my face under my eyes. But hey at least he’s still asleep!

[DollyTots]

Christmas came and my 2.5 year old DD's sleep went completely crazy. She'd never been a straight through sleeper but always ok.

This was on a whole other level. Blood curdling screams every time we left the room. 'Come back come back'. She'd never had separation anxiety, it just came out of nowhere.

Tried controlled crying like you. Didn't work. Screaming on & off at the intervals up to nearly 4 hours when we'd give up. She wouldn't cosleep, as she's never done it but at least it stopped the screams. It was soul destroying, I would be shaking there if a nighttime unable to sleep just waiting for the next wake up.

We tried gradual retreat. She wouldn't fall asleep with me in the room at all. In the end we kept with the same mantra 'mummy daddy need sleep' & left her door open which has given her the feeling of security again. So it's taken about 6 weeks of riding it out.

We can get a little blip at 3am for about 20 mins but no screaming and she goes back to sleep. Sorry this was long but I can totally sympathise.

I know every child is different so what worked for us may not work for you. Plus our DD is still in a cot which probably made it easier. I'd keep with one line of approach, keep your original routine and persevere. I know nothing is comforting when you're in it but good luck x

[ohmywhattodo]

Put his bed in your room. All get some sleep. Get him going to sleep and then readdress the sleeping in his own room at a later date. As a mum if 8 (we co sleep with our 2 yr old) I would do what gets you sleep - that is the most important thing! I can assure you that he won’t be a teenager sharing your room!

[Gunpowder]

My eldest was a bit like this. She is still a horror for going to sleep. What really helped us was letting her listen to audiobooks. I think at two it was ‘Peppa pig bedtime stories.’ If she shouted or left the room Peppa would go off and I would put a children’s meditation track on (Christiane Kerr does good ones) and if she shouted for a second time I would turn that off. Usually she would fall asleep though. I know this doesn’t help with the night waking though.

[Aries456]

Does he have a comforter, like a blanket or toy? I seem to remember around 2 my boy started getting fussy at bedtime. I had to make sure he had his blanket, toy, read him 3 stories and then say goodnight to everything his room with him! By doing the same thing every night and perhaps repeating goodnight endless times (to every toy!!) he seemed to settle. But my boy still had a dummy at 2 for bed!!! So maybe that helped too. It sounds really difficult for you. Glad your husband it helping as well and hope you get a resolution soon x

[fruityb]

He has a comforter and he has dummies and spares in his bed. He is always well tucked in and warm. When I went in last night he had a vice like grip on my arm so if I tried to leave he’d bloody well know about it! I had to slide my arm out.

It was the fact he woke again half an hour later and that he just keeps saying the same thing on a loop. It does not stop!! I am exhausted today... I cried at his CM a when I dropped him off who has said she will limit his nap to an hour. At least with a baby you can rock them to sleep - my son is nearly a meter tall!!

I’m drained, I’m emotional and I just want to cry. I feel like I could call in sick quite honestly and just spend the day in bed. Honestly he’s the best kid in the daytime - and he’s so kind and loving: I ended up in tears yesterday when he wouldn’t stop asking to brush his teeth with his new brush and then having a foot stamp when I let him. He actually came and gave me a hug and a kiss. This is how ridiculous I feel at the moment!!

Urgh this is horrible. I am literally just going to have to wait this out aren’t I? He won’t go to bed and he won’t stay asleep 😴 the incessant looping of what he says till he gets it is driving me insane. I know one night he’ll snap out of it but I just need it to be tonight!!

[fruityb]

We put him to bed an hour ago and have been up four times and he is standing at the stair gate shouting the same thing over and over. He has kept this up for an hour. I went in to read him his story at bedtime and he just got out of bed with his teds and dummy and just said carry - as if to say no mum I’m not going to bed ta.

He is exhausted now. I have no idea how he’s keeping this up and I have no idea what to do. It won’t stop. And I know it’ll be another shit night of sleep and me dragging my ass into work in shreds like I did today.

I’m actually considering having a day off just so I can pull myself together. I can’t cope with life right now

[fruityb]

I just went and sat on his floor - facing the door and nowhere near his bed. He got into bed and passed out in three minutes. Ffs.

Maybe a later bedtime in order

[Gunpowder]

Ohh fruityb sounds so tough. This too shall pass.

[NeverHadANickname]

I'd take the day off if you are exhausted. Everything feels so much worse when you are tired. Here's hoping for a better night for you 🤞

[Butterymuffin]

Yes, take the day off and give yourself some space to recover. Then see how tomorrow goes. It sounds brutal.

[Donmesswime]

Just let him rage it out of himself.
Christ, you can't be up all night with him!
Let him shout and scream for an hour and a half, two hours.
3 nights, I guarantee you this will be over.

[fruityb]

Well when we’ve been trying this for a week and he will still stand there shouting and screaming for all that time I’m not sure three nights is enough....

I went to bed at half nine and he woke up at 5. I told DH to bring him in to our room this morning - he went back to sleep and still is. Quite frankly after a week of hell and sleepless nights I am willing to do this today! On our terms and not his.

I feel much better today having slept for a long period in one go!

This too shall pass you are right - I have a night away on 2nd March so have that to look forward to! He has always slept so well so it’s a real kick in the ass right now!

[meepmoop]

@fruityb sorry you're having a rough time, not sleeping is horrible. My DS is 18months and wakes for 3 hours at a time most nights. I have to sit next to him to but he'll just lie there til he falls asleep.

Have you tried the super nanny thing where you take him back into his bed without saying anything then leave and repeat and repeat. A bit like cry it out but physically taking him back? I haven't tried it as DS is in a cot but thought I would mention it

[45andahalf]

I’d ask CM to drop the nap entirely.

[scottiesheep]

Another one saying drop nap completely. Or shorten it further to 45 mins then 30 mins.

We've just recently moved ds to a bed and got some advice from sleep trainer. He's 22 months. Appreciate it may not work for you because he's older and every child is different but I'll share anyway just in case...

We did gradual retreat - made a 'sleepy cushion' which we take up to bed and ask ds to put it down where we say. This started off next to his bed and gradually been moving it away. Do bedtime routine then say mummy's (or daddy) is going to sit on the sleepy cushion. We then ignore him completely and go on phone/ iPad until asleep. If he messes about we firmly say 'lie down, it's sleepy time, if you don't lie down then we will leave'. We've only carried out the threat once, and he did attempt to follow us out but he knew he shouldn't - he was hysterical then stopped crying when he got to his bedroom door. Stood there for a minute then ventured out a bit further into the hall and stood there until I picked him up and put him back. Sleep trainer said in this instance leave them for 3-5 mins before taking them back.

He's usually happy to play and read his books until he nods off. The sleepy cushion is now in the hall, away from sight (he still believes we sit there because he tells us lol). We leave the door a little open until asleep and then close it.

Key is ensuring he is tired enough - he naps 1 hour daytime but anything more and he's not falling asleep till 8:30ish. So we probably need to cut it back a bit further.

Do you have a night light? He could be getting scared?

We have had a gro clock since 14 months as well and that's worked well for us. He does sometimes wake duding the night (reflux and teething) and we will try to speak to him
Over the monitor or go in and give medication. if we do need to stay beside him because he is hysterical the sleep trainer said the best thing is to set up camp on the floor in their bedroom - do not get into bed with them or take them into your bed.

Hope that helps. book some last min annual leave and get some much needed rest. It'll be easier to deal with if you aren't exhausted

[fruityb]

I have a gro clock so will start putting that on. I’ll also get a cushion and put it in his control to begin. I don’t mind sitting up there so long as he stays in bed. Last night he had absolutely no intention!!

Maybe a later bedtime would work. I’m a teacher so really need my evenings as I quite often have work to do. Being stuck in his bedroom for an hour isn’t ideal!! I’m going to sit in his room tonight - stories downstairs because he just keeps asking for more or not letting me finish one before he grabs the next! Gradual retreat seems to work.

I gave in this morning for him coming into our bed as I just could not face getting up at 5am after last night! I feel much happier and refreshed now - and he was in a fab mood.

God it’s hard isn’t it!!

[scottiesheep]

@fruityb it's very hard!! But they are so lovely as well Could you take some work in with you when you sit beside him? Don't give him any attention but if he's getting off the bed, be firm and pop him back in and tell him you will be leaving if he carries on.

[fruityb]

He’s absolutely amazing at the moment - he’s so loving and so kind and empathetic. I cried the other day when something hurt me and he came and gave me a cuddle and brought me his cup for a drink!

Tonight I took a cushion up and told him I’d be sitting there. His gro clock is on. I read him his favourite story and then he asked for stick man. Read that and he rolled over said night night and was asleep in five minutes!! I couldn’t face leaving him again tonight - it just didn’t feel right today. I don’t know if it’s the night light or if he’s just tired or what. But I do know that, right now anyway, he’s asleep.

[crazycatlady5]

I just went and sat on his floor - facing the door and nowhere near his bed. He got into bed and passed out in three minutes. Ffs.

Sounds like he needs you there tbh.

[fruityb]

He does doesn’t he. I just need to work on moving away. Tonight he didn’t say lay down mummy once which is progress. He was ok just saying mummy and if I answered with a shhhhh then he was ok. He didn’t really say anything to be fair. I had to go up about half an hour ago as he’d got disturbed but he went back off quick. Our neighbours sound like they have races up and down the stairs some nights so that doesn’t help!