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Is this normal?

(73 Posts)
Sunisshining12 Wed 15-Mar-17 10:06:41

I'm a ftm with a 2.5 week old DD.

Is it normal for her to be awake ALL night? She generally sleeps from about 11.30pm until 1am and then after that it's constant feeding & crying.

I don't know why she's crying I change her,feed her,cuddle her she just won't settle in the next to me cot, she constantly wants to be held or at the breast.

On some occasions I've fell asleep with her in my bed which I really want to avoid as I know it's dangerous.

I'm BF & try to wind her after a feed, she rarely brings any wind up but usually gets hiccups when i lay her down/starts whining & seems uncomfortable?

I introduced a dummy a few nights ago. She sucks it for a bit but as soon as it falls out the crying starts again.

I sat crying at 6am exhausted & not knowing how to settle her. My husband works long hours so I try not to wake him in the night now he's back at work. When he holds her she settles, it's almost like she doesn't like me!

She sleeps in a bedside cot with a cotton sheet & 1 layer cellular blanket. She wears a vest & baby grow, the room is usually 17-18 degrees.

It's been like this since the day we got home from hospital. I feel guilty complaining but I just don't know if this is normal & tbh I really wasn't expecting it to be like this. It's so miserable.

saturdaymorningyawn Wed 15-Mar-17 10:13:53

This is not abnormal I'm afraid. She needs to 'learn' the difference between night and day. It will come honestly. It's nothing to do with not liking you please stop feeling guilty or that it's something you're doing wrong. Because it isn't.

My husband also works long hours but they also need to help a little with nights as you bring exhausted is no good for you or baby. What if he got up at say 5am so you could have a couple of hours sleep? You could try express g so your husband could give her a bottle whilst you have a coyote of hits sleep.

Do you have friends/family who can help? Perhaps asking them up take baby for walk whilst you have an hours sleep? Or doing your housework? Please ask for help if you can. And your HV will be able to I've you advice too.

Wishing you all the best and sending you a "you're doing great" hug.

Sunisshining12 Wed 15-Mar-17 10:17:52

Thanks Saturdaymorning.

At what sort of age does it get 'better'.

I'm still getting the hang of BF (that's a whole other issue!) so worried about giving her a bottle at the moment.

Is there's anything I can give her to help the wind/uncomfortableness whatever it is she's feeling?

Thanks

saturdaymorningyawn Wed 15-Mar-17 10:25:13

My little one 'got it' by about 5 weeks. He is still very windy now but I find if I put some pressure on his stomach he tends to bring his wind up. I also use Infacol since he was 2 weeks old. Have you tried any BF support groups locally? I found these really helpful and if nothing gets you to meet other mums who will be a great support too!

Good luck!

MrsStinkey Wed 15-Mar-17 10:38:10

Aww OP I feel for you, I had a baby a bit like this. She had reflux/silent reflux and was dairy and soya intolerant. A few things that I'd try if I were you that may make a difference and get you both some sleep:
A wedge or rolled up towel under baby's sheet so their head is more propped and their not just flat on their back.
Try cutting dairy from your diet if bf. it may take a couple of weeks to make a difference but in my experience only room a day or 2.
Go speak to your gp about these possibilities and see if they'll possibly prescribe reflux medication for you to try.
Hopefully something there will help.

Zoe1983 Wed 15-Mar-17 10:59:22

Don't feel guilty. It's not anything you are doing wrong. Also please don't think it's because she doesn't like you. Babies tend to settle better with Dads simply because when they are close to mum they can smell milk. They're then a bit like me with a packet of biscuits...there's always room for one more!

It does get better. My baby was much like this until 3 weeks and when I got to the point of exhaustion and depression, tried bottles...little one wouldn't take a teat! After 3 nights of then being awake trying to battle with her to take formula and/or expressed milk by bottle, I thought "Sod this, I could have just bloody fed her by now!", looked up safer ways of co-sleeping and overnight things improved. It's still hard work, but she does now sleep 3 hours at a time, wakes me a little to feed, so I scooch her on the boob in side-lying position and then just go back to sleep. I appreciate it's not for everyone, but I also now realise there is a significant proportion of mums co-sleeping, they just don't tell their midwives/health visitors because they fear a telling off. If you feel really worried about this, try a 3 sided cot instead. You can literally lean into it to feed your daughter and roll away into your own bed. Definitely look up a breastfeeding peer support group too. It's not women sitting in a circle with their baps out (unless of course you want to!), but it is a group of women who have been there and have lots of time and practical support to help with eg feeding side-lying.

I imagine you've already heard a lot of this advice, but in case not.....

You can help your daughter to learn the difference between night and day by keeping it dark and low key at night. Play around with lighting - I initially had a dim reading light on thinking it would comfort her, one night I forgot and found she sleeps much better in pitch dark.

Unless she has nappy rash, only change dirty nappies in the night. Leave wet ones so you're not waking her excessively and are keeping nighttimes boring. Make daytime nappy changes and feeds exciting and fun. At night, keep the lights as low as possible, don't talk to her etc.

Try a swaddle or even better one of those zip up ones that most baby shops sell (baby looks like a pasty in them!), it stops them waking themselves up with their jumpy arms.

In terms of hiccups, does she vomit a lot? Or seem very distressed lying flat (including in your arms)? It is normal for a baby to have occasional hiccups and to not like being put down and it is normal for a baby to still be very nocturnal at this age. However on occasion these things can also be symptoms of reflux (baby heartburn) and there are things that can help. But I'd try swaddling, low light, co-sleeping etc first.

Good luck, it will get better xxx

FATEdestiny Wed 15-Mar-17 11:15:04

Is it normal for her to be awake ALL night? She generally sleeps from about 11.30pm until 1am and then after that it's constant feeding & crying

No. This Is not normal.

At 2 or 3 weeks old baby's whole life is mostly about eating and sleeping. With very little awake time in between.

It might literally be wake, feed, 10 minute cuddle and nappy check, back to sleep. Wake and repeat.

All night
All day

At this are there should be no difference in night and day. 24 hours a day, baby mostly feeds and sleeps, feeds and sleeps, feeds and sleeps - in a never ending cycle over 24 hours a day.

To have over 90 minutes awake AT ANY TIME is too much awake time. In fact more than an hour awake would be a concern in this tiny newborn phase.

Practical suggestions:

- after waking check baby's nappy and go immediately into a feed
- after the feed lift into your shoulder for an upright cuddle on case there is any wind
- from this wind position, cuddle baby until asleep
- try to put baby down once in a deep sleep.
- when baby wakes (may be 20 minutes, might be 1h20m, or anything in between) go back to the start and repeat.

Some things that may help a newborn settle to sleep:
- a swaddle tight around the shoulders. Baby is used to being held in a right position whilst in the womb. Swaddle recreates this
- something to suck. Comfirt sucking is baturalky soothing. Dummy is great. You may need to gentle hold it in for baby as they first drop to sleep. Once in a deep sleep, dumny will stop being held in the mouth by jaw muscles, so isn't needed.
- movement. In the womb baby way used to gentle rhythmic movement. Try rocking on your arms, swaying, bouncing on a birthing ball. Pushchsir, car journey and bouncy chair offer hands-off alternates.
- your comfort, being close to you. Baby is used to hearing your voice, listening to your heartbeat, feeling your touch.
- full tummy. In the womb baby never experienced the discomfort of being hungry.

Sunisshining12 Wed 15-Mar-17 11:34:45

The midwife told me not to swaddle her!! What would you use - a cotton sheet? Blanket? And still in the vest & baby grow? Our house is always quite warm so I'm worried about over heating!

She brings a little bit of sick/milk up after a feed but not lots.

It's as soon as I lay her on her back she wakes up & the whining/crying/hiccups start.

we have a 3 sided next to me cot, only use a dim lamp in the night, play the womb sounds, keep her upright after feed etc.

I find bf lying down absolutely impossible I've tried so many times I really can't get it, so I have to sit up to feed & try not to fall asleep. She feeds for about 30mins at a time before falling asleep.

where would you go from here? Does it sound like wind? Or just keep going hoping the days & nights go fast (which is really sad to wish her to grow up fast I'm just not enjoying motherhood/life as it is at the moment).

Thanks

FATEdestiny Wed 15-Mar-17 11:42:19

A cot sheet cut in half along the short edge (to make two long, thin rectangles) makes a perfect swaddle.

If your room is 18 degrees, I'd do vest, sleepsuit, swaddle and single blanket over the top. 22+ degrees and Id not use a blanket on top. Less than 16 degrees I'd probably have two layers of blanket.

Sunisshining12 Wed 15-Mar-17 18:11:02

Thanks, have been & got some infacol.

Sheet at the ready for swaddling tonight, along with dummy & white noise app... hoping for a better night!

Millipede170 Wed 15-Mar-17 20:31:35

hoping the days & nights go fast (which is really sad to wish her to grow up fast I'm just not enjoying motherhood/life as it is at the moment).

Totally normal. Please don't beat yourself up when you don't "love every minute". It's exhausting and overwhelming at times. Just by not throwing in the towel and persevering, you are doing brilliantly. Hugs xx

Sunisshining12 Thu 16-Mar-17 04:37:58

So we've been up since 12.30...fed twice, changed nappy, cuddled.

She refuses to sleep in the cot angry

She's swaddled, had infacol, played white nose app & held dummy in for a good half hour. As soon as I let go bam crying starts again.

So she is now lying on my front as I'm desperate for some sleep and this is the only way she will sleep confused

cocopops88 Thu 16-Mar-17 04:51:31

Mine wouldn't settle flat on her back, we have a sleepyhead, with a board underneath propped up about 3 inches on the head end. Does she settle during the day?

Hopeful16 Thu 16-Mar-17 05:32:31

Infacol takes days to get into their systems so will not be working yet. Be careful though as it made my LO constipated and then that was a whole new different battle!

I felt a bit like you at this stage. Now 8 weeks and sleeping much more- stick with it and remember you're doing your best wink

eliolo Thu 16-Mar-17 05:34:12

I also slept with my DD on my chest from about 4am every night when I lost all will to attempt to put her down, when I was struggling I just tried to remember that this new world is all dark and scary and cold for them, and you're the only thing in it that they know. Probably around9 weeks she started not wanting to sleep on me and would fidget so much she'd end up with her head on my belly and the rest of her hanging off the side! That might seem like years away in the mess of sleep deprivation but it comes round so suddenly!

I also couldn't for the life of me figure out feeding lying down so kept trying it during the day. I'd put her on a folded muslin to know where my boob roughly needed to be then shuffle myself around, turn baby onto her side to latch on and she couldn't roll to her belly because we were tummy to tummy. It's not always the comfiest but I think it does get easier as baby gets a bit bigger with more head control! I'd have a big pillow behind my back to support it and (when awake and day time) roll up a blanket to pop begins baby to help keep her supported a bit.

Another little saying that I had to keep saying over and over when I felt like I couldn't cope was that baby's having a hard time, not trying to give you a hard time flowersit does get so much easier. Maybe ask your HV for advice on the crying, it could be something like silent reflux or just your baby's way of saying she needs to be close to you. Coping with it all is incredibly difficult, you're doing a great job!

Sm031986 Thu 16-Mar-17 05:40:03

Mine Is 11 weeks now and he's been 'better' for about 4-5 weeks. I'm pretty sure me & my husband were taking it in turns to sleep at the 2.5 week stage. It just seemed like a constant cycle of feeding, crying and sleeping (but only in someone's arms) I was a total zombie!!

Things that helped;
Infacol, gripe water & nelson's granules to relieve his colic
A swaddle and a dummy to help him drop off.
Ewan the sheep to help him recognise bedtime and give a 'routine'.
My mum coming round in the morning to take him for a couple of hours so I could sleep grin

It's sooo hard at the start though, It definitely gets better and I've really loved it since he was about 5 weeks & you start to get smiles & can see him enjoying things. Now I'd even say he has a 'routine' overnight and I can sleep for 4 hours at a time.
Good luck!!

Imavinoops Thu 16-Mar-17 05:46:20

I could have written your post myself OP. Nothing helpful to add as we are in the throws of crazy nighttimes too but I thought I would send some solidarity over to you. grin

bingandabong Thu 16-Mar-17 06:05:43

Maybe she doesn't like laying flat on her back, we would roll a towel and place it under the mattress of the Moses basket so it was little raised, ds was also swaddled and he never burped either but wouldn't hiccups lots ( also EBF) we would give infacol and this helped loads.
I know it's tough but she is only 2.5 weeks, how is she in the day with sleeping?

bingandabong Thu 16-Mar-17 06:06:40

*But *would hiccups lots

SchnitzelVonCrumb Thu 16-Mar-17 07:03:56

Fate you said baby could wake after 20 minutes? Would you advise feeding that frequently?

I would really suggest OP that you try raising your babies head, you can also get lie flat swings which might help too.

I feel your pain OP one of mine was like this.

SchnitzelVonCrumb Thu 16-Mar-17 07:04:43

And also look up "biological feeding" while I don't agree with her on many things her burping techniques are fantastic!!

Sunisshining12 Thu 16-Mar-17 07:09:04

Thank you everyone for the support! We have a brand new Moses basket which she has never slept in day or night she constantly cries whenever put in it.

So we got a 3 sided 'next to me' cot for night- same problem. We put a rolled up towel under the mattress to raise her head slightly no difference.

When she's in her cot she sounds like she's bunged up/congested & can't breathe clearly 100%. She doesn't have a runny nose it's just the sound of being congested - is this normal or a sign of something else?

In the day she mainly sleeps on me/gets carried around as she cries when put down. Although she has had a few sleeps in the rocker chair

highinthesky Thu 16-Mar-17 07:17:46

Persist with the winding until you hear a big burp.

Keep DD close to your chest whilst you settle her, and sing to her softly. Then straight in the Moses basket. Keep an eye on her but don't go to her as soon as she wakes - most babies have sleep cycles that they wake from temporarily and then settle into sleep again.

Feed and repeat until she settles.

Go through this pain now to save months of misery.

highinthesky Thu 16-Mar-17 07:18:54

Ok, the congested sound needs investigation. See a doctor about this.

FATEdestiny Thu 16-Mar-17 08:08:54

SchnitzelVonCrumb
Fate you said baby could wake after 20 minutes? Would you advise feeding that frequently?

At 2.5 weeks old, yes!

Yes, yes and absolutely yes. 20 minutes sleep is on the very low side for a newborn, so if waking that easily after going to sleep, the most obvious answer is baby didn't feed enough and needs more.

Sleep is passive in these very early weeks. Which means unless baby has a need that isn't met, baby will be asleep. Then wake for a need, go back to the passive state once the need is met.

Hunger is the simplest and most obvious need. As I said in my last post, in the newborn weeks baby spends almost all of their time eating and feeding.

There are other needs, of course:
- uncomfortable from dirty nappy
- Wanting comfort and reassurance
- too hot/cold
- in pain

But yes. The very first thing a mum should do with a newborn when upset is offer the breast. If in doubt, settle into a calm breastfeed.

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