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8mo won't go back in her cot at night!

50 replies

CoodleMoodle · 05/12/2014 22:40

DD is nearly 9mo and for the past few days we've been having the same crappy sleep issues.

If she wakes in the night she won't go back in the cot. She won't even let me get into bed with her, or sit up against the headboard. She wants me sitting up on the edge of the bed holding her. The second I move she starts thrashing and screaming and doesn't stop until I go back to the edge. This can go on for 3hrs and I can't take it anymore. She won't sleep for DH or anybody else, it has to be me or she goes nuts.

To go to sleep she needs (both naps and bed):

  • Bedroom, dark and quiet


  • White noise (don't always use it for night wake ups)


  • Thumb and a muslin to hold


  • Me (VERY occasionally will go for a nap with DH but never bedtime)


  • Rocking on edge of the bed (used to need walking around bedroom so this is an improvement)


No car or buggy naps anymore, she just screams. I feel so trapped but that's another matter.

She's slept through many many times, and before now waking in the night meant a quick cuddle and back to bed. But now it's not working and I'm at the end of my tether. I dread going to bed. Her daytime naps make no difference as to whether this happens or not, and she falls asleep as soon as she's on my lap. It's when I move AT ALL that she wakes up screaming. I've tried leaving her but that wakes her up even more and then it goes on for longer.

I can't do it any more, I just can't. Please tell me there's something I can do? She'll have five awful nights and then two where she doesn't wake at all, and nothing much changes day to day Sad
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CoodleMoodle · 06/12/2014 23:37

Been up for an hour with her so far. Third night in a row. Every time I move she stirs and starts crying and thrashing around. When I hold her on the edge of the bed she sleeps but I can't sit up any more.

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angryangryyoungwoman · 06/12/2014 23:40

Will she fall asleep on you if you are both lying down?

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Riverland · 06/12/2014 23:45

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time right now. I'm sure that the situation will shift.

Is it that your baby needs to sleep quite upright at the moment?

I'm wondering if she has indigestion?

She's teething,definitely, and desperate for you, and I'm trying to figure out what physical benefit she gains from you sitting on the edge of the bed..all I can get is that you aren't leaning back at all, so she gets to be very upright?!

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CoodleMoodle · 06/12/2014 23:55

Eventually she'll let me put her down and sleep until the morning. There's no rhyme nor reason for it, she just decides it's okay to be down. Her cot is slightly elevated from when she had a cold last week, and she was actually sleeping better then! Naps aren't like this, she just seems to wake up after a couple of hours and wants me to hold her.

She won't go to sleep unless I sit up and hold her. Have tried laying on my back and she stayed asleep, but I can't sleep with her on top of me and that second I move an inch she wakes up screaming.

Sorry for crap replies, am on phone with DD on my lap, writhing about Sad

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CoodleMoodle · 07/12/2014 00:00

Arrrgghh, just tried putting her down and she started crying. She was absolutely sparko on my lap but the second I moved she stirred and then screamed when she touched the cot.

Now I've got to start again. She has her last bottle at 6:30ish and doesn't take solids (another issue) so I don't think it's that.

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CoodleMoodle · 07/12/2014 00:55

Got her in the cot, she was fast asleep. 20mins later woke up screaming. Back to square one and starting to lose it slightly.

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TheFantasticFixit · 07/12/2014 01:01

Coodle i'm sorry i don't have any advice, but wanted to let you know you aren't alone. My 8 month, nearly 9 month old is the same and every night is a fucking nightmare at the moment. She doesn't have me on the edge of the bed but she likes to go to sleep, in my arms, every night and in a very specific position that if i move put of, she screams blue murder. She too refuses her cot. The position she likes has completely done my back in, i desperately need to see a chiropractor because i've started hunching.

Arrrrrgggggggghh. I hope you find the resolution you need!

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Secretblackandmidnighthag · 07/12/2014 01:04

Calpol for the teething pain. Can you warm the cot with a hot water bottle first? ( just use water from hot tap) if you hold her hand does that help? My DS at that age would sleep beside me in bed but only with his head wedged in my armpit - or face to face (he used to suck my nose - it was ridiculous!)

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artex · 07/12/2014 01:04

My DC is a bit older at 19 months. But gets like this when teething. Is she like this all the time, or sporadically? So, could be poorly or teething?
If the lying down is problematic for her, could it be reflux?

Sorry this is happening for you

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CoodleMoodle · 07/12/2014 01:08

Fantastic, I'm so sorry that you're suffering too. I fear I'll be heading down the same route with my back soon - I'm tiny and she's big, and sitting up all night is no good. I truly hope you find some relief from this soon, both of you. It's utterly shit! I dread going to bed because I know what's going to happen and I get so upset just thinking about it. I just can't see it ever ending.

(I read somewhere that I should "enjoy the extra cuddles!" and I nearly lost it. Apparently I'm horrible for preferring to hold DD during the day and actually get some sleep at night...)

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CoodleMoodle · 07/12/2014 01:14

I don't think teething is helping at the moment. Had her front two for awhile but obviously won't let me see if there are more coming. We've just given her some Nurofen but it's not kicked in yet.

Absolutely no hand holding, shushing, cuddling in bed, etc. She has to be held on my lap or she won't drop off. I've tried it all and it's never worked! Hot water bottle made no difference as she starts crying the second I move to put her down.

She did have reflux but doesn't now. She has CMPI but this is fully managed and we don't usually have a problem with putting her down. This is a recent issue, never been like this before Sad

Praying she'll let me sleep, she gets up in 5hrs...

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CoodleMoodle · 07/12/2014 01:57

Still not letting me move. I'm so cold and tired and weepy, and just want to get into bed with DH. The Nurofen has done nothing in terms of getting her in her cot. Even if it was an option she wouldn't let us co-sleep, but I hate it anyway because I don't get any sleep at all.

Posting here is making me feel a bit better. I feel like my eyes are melting. And my phone is running out of battery, argh.

Two hours!

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kinkytoes · 07/12/2014 07:30

I feel your pain. This has just started happening with my ds 21 months. It's like he's actually afraid of the cot. Last night was worse in that I couldn't find a position he would settle in at all. He just whinged and cried till he got too tired. Almost 2 hrs. Confused

I won't hijack though, may start my own thread. Having read yours though, my advice is to use nurofen with her evening meal and save calpol for night time. Calpol is gentler on the stomach and therefore is preferable on an empty stomach.

I've got my fingers crossed for you that this resolves itself soon.

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CoodleMoodle · 07/12/2014 07:56

I hope it's over soon for you as well kinky. I can cope with most things but really struggling here.

Didn't know that about Calpol, will try tonight. Don't find it as effective as Nurofen but I'll ty anything at this point!

She was sobbing at 5am but only in her sleep. Woke up screaming at 6:45 so I got up and fed her. Perfectly happy right now, but yawning away so time to try for a sleep!

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CoodleMoodle · 07/12/2014 20:29

She's only been in bed for 40mins and she's already screaming. We've dressed her as warmly as is sensible as thought that might be the problem, and we've got a heater as it's really cold in our room. Apparently this isn't the issue.

I need some time for myself tonight. And some bloody sleep.

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CoodleMoodle · 07/12/2014 21:36

Apologies for flooding my own thread...

I got her back in the cot and went downstairs at about 8:50. I'm now back upstairs and it's started again. I feel so helpless, for the both of us. DH doesn't know what he can do and really there isn't much. He'll always take her if he can so I can get a break, but she just wants me and that's it.

I wish there was something else I could do to help her.

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homeaway · 07/12/2014 21:49

Would this help ?Can you get a mattress and put it on the floor next to her cot ? Put her in her cot and then put a hand on her back and keep it there til she goes to sleep. This wsy she knows you are there but yiy are not holding her. Have you tried using one of those sleep sacks as that would keep her warm. Hope you find something that works but remember that this is a phase and it too will pass.

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IComeFromALandDownUnder · 07/12/2014 21:58

I feel for you Coodle. I know that awful feeling of dreading the nights. It sounds like separation anxiety which will pass but I know that is not going to help you tonight.

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CoodleMoodle · 07/12/2014 22:42

Up again, seems to be 45min stretches, just like her naps. Think I'm going to go crazy, I haven't slept in days.

Thank you for all replies and advice though. I'm afraid literally nothing gets her back to sleep except for sitting on my lap on the edge of the bed. Putting her in the cot with any kind of touching leads to screaming, as does leaving her alone.

Currently desperately screaming on my lap. I can't seem to help her at all now.

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CoodleMoodle · 07/12/2014 22:52

Sorry, missed a bit: she has been sleeping in a sleeping bag for months, and layers of blankets as necessary. Plus we've gone to extra lengths tonight with her clothes and the heater. Genuinely thought it might help!

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CoodleMoodle · 08/12/2014 03:15

Somehow got her to sleep in our bed for a couple of hours. Hate co-sleeping but I was desperate. Then she woke up and no amount of hand-on-chest amd shhing would get her back down.

Now we're bolt upright again and I can't see that changing as we're back to the screaming whenever I move.

I feel so selfish if there's something actually wrong (even 'just' teeth) but I'm so close to the edge with it now. We're all exhausted and snappy and miserable and I can't take much more.

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Sleepyfergus · 08/12/2014 03:31

Teething and any possible indigestion issues aside, I think your dd is calling the shots here and you have to break the cycle. I know this is often met with controversy, but I would try controlled crying.

When my dd2 was about 8 mths we were in the position of co sleeping, due to hear needing me and the bf. Trying to get her in her cot was a nightmare, but co sleeping was proving in feasible as DH was ending up on the sofa and not getting any sleep himself. I resorted to MN and founds thread where about Supernanny (Jo Frost) technique of controlled crying. I will try to find the link after this.

It was hellish for the first couple of nights, and dd2 was VERY pissed off that she wasn't going her way, but after only 3 nights, she was a different baby. She's now almost 30 mths and has been a terrific sleeper. Plus we an put her in her cot awake and she will put herself to sleep. She's tried it on a couple of times but we resort back to cc and she v quickly gives it up!

I'll see if I can find the link, and obv you should only do it if you're (a) comfortable and have the resolve to be hard and stick to the rules, and (b) as long as your dd isn't ill and you're sure they are no other issues.

Good luck. I remember dreading the night times too

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Sleepyfergus · 08/12/2014 03:47

Here is the thread. Funny reading it back after all this time! I have the same user name on it as here, but there were a few of us on it all comparing our progress.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/a1707445-Jo-Frost-Controlled-Timed-Crying-for-9mo-baby

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icklekid · 08/12/2014 04:58

Just to say sleep depravation is awful. I don't like cosleeping particularly either but last week ds would wake in the night and would not go down. I would lie next to him in spare bed and he would cry a bit at first but with plenty of cuddles, back patting and white noise he would go back to sleep and I could too as long as he was next to and not on me!

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CoodleMoodle · 08/12/2014 05:09

Up again. Worst night so far. Think I'll give up on sleep now, it's obviously not happening as DD has a bottle at 6:30!

Thanks for the link Sleepy, I know something has to be done about this. I'll give it a read when my brain isn't leaking from my ears! I hope I have the resolve for something like that - we tried it before and I was a jbbering wreck after the first ten minutes... But as I say, something must be done before we all lose it. I'm away for two nights in June, so it has to be sorted by then! I said to DH that we'd start after Christmas but I think it might have to be sooner.

Ickle, I hate co-sleeping! I just find it so uncomfortable and never feel safe even if we've done everything to make it so. And I WISH I could get her back to sleep without picking her up but it just doesn't work. A couple of times I've done it in the middle of the night but I don't think she's been properly awake then. If she wakes up beyond a certain point there's no settling without holding.

I tell you, there'd better be a tooth after all of this!

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