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Met someone new, does he sound ok to you?

(70 Posts)
brazenhussy Fri 19-Jun-09 14:17:11

Ok, so I have joined an online dating site for the first time ever.

Emailed lots of men and some sounded nice enough, others ideal and some really weird; usual story I suppose.

The first guy to message me was 37, never married, no kids and said he loved my pic and told me a bit about himself. We had absolutely nothing in common and he was short (a complete deal breaker for me)and on paper sounded completely unsuitable but his email was interesting and funny.

We sent a single email each day just really saying 'how is your search going?' and exchanging funny stories about the people who had contacted us.

Two weeks ago we had a conversation over about 10 emails and I realised I really liked him grin

Since then we have been texting each other a couple of times during the day and MSNing at night til the early hours. He is so funny and interesting with impeccable manners and old fashioned values.

The thing that has struck me about him is that he won't allow the conversation to become flirty and quickly changes the subject if I do. This is so alien to me.

Anyway last night the conversation drifted to him telling me he had only ever had one sexual partner shockHe said that he wouldn't have admitted that to anyone but felt that he could tell me anything. I asked him why that was and he said that growing up in the 80's with Aids and HIV had made him causious and then he had only had one long term relationship in his adult life.

I told him that it didn't matter to me hmm but that I was a very sexual person and asked if he was too.He said that he hadn't really had the oppotunity to find out hmmhmm but that sex was a very long way down the line for us as he believes in waiting til the relationship is solid and 'going somewhere' before indulging.

Now this guy has his own house (bought as a shell and he has completely rebuilt it)a good job and many hobbies that he is passionate about.

He wants to get the train up to see me on Monday (that's another thing, he doesn't drive hmm) and is very excited at seeing my city and getting to know me better.

Does he sound ok to you?
Am I the odd one thinking that all men want sex whether in or out of a relationship?
Why has he only had sex with one person although has had a couple of other girlfriends?
Am I going to look like a right slapper if I flirt with him?

Help ladies

brazenhussy Fri 19-Jun-09 14:21:31

As you can probably tell I have been out of the dating game for a long time!!

Iklboo Fri 19-Jun-09 14:25:59

I think it would be refreshing to go on a date and not have to be rehearsing the thank-you-for-a-lovely-time-no-i-don't-want-sex-on-the-first-date speech.

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 19-Jun-09 14:32:19

Message withdrawn

MadameDefarge Fri 19-Jun-09 14:32:25

My Exp has only has one other sexual partner, his exw, and they were married for 20 years (teenage marriage). And I can categorically say it has not held him back in any way.

I did loads of internet dating (binge dating, if you will!) and you do develop a radar for the really odd ones.

I would be slightly wary of someone who says they can tell you anything, after only having an online/MSN relationship, because these ways of communicating are great, but can develop 'false intimacies'.

Just be sensible. And have fun!

doggiesayswoof Fri 19-Jun-09 14:33:17

He might be gay and in denial about it.

He might have lots of ishoos and be v repressed or something like that.

He might have a low sex drive.

He might find it impossible to connect with women in a sexual way because he's never "learned" how to do it, because of his inexperience. Sort of arrested development.

But it's all speculation really. No harm in having a date - at least you know his views and he won't be jumping on you.

However you do sound mismatched tbh.

brazenhussy Fri 19-Jun-09 14:33:55

You are probably right Iklboo, I wasn't wanting sex and our first date either but had this thought in the back of my mind that at Christmas he would still be pondering over whether it was too soon for a bit of heavy petting grin

MadameDefarge Fri 19-Jun-09 14:34:05

Sorry, meant to say DP <freudian slip?>>

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 19-Jun-09 14:34:26

Hey you!


brazenhussy Fri 19-Jun-09 14:38:09

doggiesayswoof all those thoughts have crossed my mind too

shiny God, do you really think I shouldn't have mentioned sex? blush I bet he's scared stiff now!

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 19-Jun-09 14:40:18

Stiff is what you want!!

Why not give him a go. DH made me wait. Still happy years later and glad we did.

brazenhussy Fri 19-Jun-09 14:45:08

Hi FBG grin

That's very naughty! blush
You know me very well FBG, so how the hell am I gonna keep my hands off him til he's ready??!!

brazenhussy Fri 19-Jun-09 14:45:50

Off for school run, x

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 19-Jun-09 14:46:43

Will talk to you later, young lady!

school run for me too now.

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 19-Jun-09 14:53:43

Message withdrawn

DrunkenDaisy Fri 19-Jun-09 14:56:01

he might have a tiny willy

YanknCock Fri 19-Jun-09 14:59:02

I'm always in favour of meeting someone in person before deciding what what you think of them. Sooner rather than later, before you build up expectations that may be completely wrong.

TBH, the sex thing would send up little red flags for me, but only because it sounds similar to my XH, who I think was asexual. We were quite ill-matched in that regard, but didn't discover it until we were married and I'd moved overseas for him. HOWEVER, I don't think in your case it's worth worrying about right now. When you meet him/spend a bit more time with him, you will get a better sense of what his attitude is.

FWIW, I do think there are men out there of that age without lots of experience, and some of them are decent, respectful, and can be very sexual once they are in a committed relationship. The ones to watch out for (if you are a sexual person) are those who say 'I don't understand why it's so important to you' and 'I've got better things to do with my time' and generally think you're weird WRT sexual interest. Let them find women who feel similarly, rather than wasting your time.

sunshineandrainbow Fri 19-Jun-09 15:35:38

where does he live?

is he far from you?

sounds ok though quilte refeshing to be honest.. but may be a problem to you if sex is a big part of a relationship for you (as it is for me wink

ridingjoker Fri 19-Jun-09 15:38:58

perhaps his ex was very closed to sex.

it is possible he's not a huge fan of sex as he has no idea what he's missing out on.

i know from experience, this does happen. and it amazes me that there are women who do actually lie there like a sack of potatoes. why do these women not want enjoy this experience as much as possible i have no idea.

sex is great fun grin

perhaps he just needs you to show him this to. he may be fantastic but just needs some encouragement.

he may not like flirty talk as he's not done it before and embarassed he makes a fool of himself

or he could have low sex drive

or a small tinky winky

or he's gay

you wont know unless you give him a date, you might not like him in the flesh anyway.

worse case scenario you get an evening out with a nice male company and enjoy yourself.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 19-Jun-09 15:59:23

BH - let me know when you are on MN. We need to have a chat. grin

brazenhussy Fri 19-Jun-09 16:02:26

Oh no!! Hadn't thought of a tiny willy sad
Oh that would be soooo crap

I am hoping that if we click in person that like ridingjoker says he will just need some encouragement.

Well there is no harm in having lunch, is there? i jusy need to make sure i'm not too nosy. I need to wait for him to volunteer te information I need

Sex is very very important to me and have never wanted to wait with a new relationship so this will be a test of my willpower wink

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 19-Jun-09 16:04:03

Duh! I meant MSN!

ridingjoker Fri 19-Jun-09 16:06:33

brazen - i have corrupted 3 men in my time wink it's bloody good fun.

just be careful not to let them into detail before hand or he may get so nervous he suffers stage fright grin

just suprise him with your <ahem> skills.

this only applies if he's simply inexperienced. if he's gay, has small tadger or has a low sex drive he wont be much fun or indeed want to be corrupted sad

brazenhussy Fri 19-Jun-09 16:33:14

ridingjoker the thought of seducing him anyway had crossed my mind - not straight away of course grin

BonsoirAnna Fri 19-Jun-09 16:35:37

A 37 year old bachelor who has only had one sexual partner, has no children, cannot drive... WEIRD, stay clear.

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