Ok, so I have joined an online dating site for the first time ever.
Emailed lots of men and some sounded nice enough, others ideal and some really weird; usual story I suppose.
The first guy to message me was 37, never married, no kids and said he loved my pic and told me a bit about himself. We had absolutely nothing in common and he was short (a complete deal breaker for me)and on paper sounded completely unsuitable but his email was interesting and funny.
We sent a single email each day just really saying 'how is your search going?' and exchanging funny stories about the people who had contacted us.
Two weeks ago we had a conversation over about 10 emails and I realised I really liked him
Since then we have been texting each other a couple of times during the day and MSNing at night til the early hours. He is so funny and interesting with impeccable manners and old fashioned values.
The thing that has struck me about him is that he won't allow the conversation to become flirty and quickly changes the subject if I do. This is so alien to me.
Anyway last night the conversation drifted to him telling me he had only ever had one sexual partner He said that he wouldn't have admitted that to anyone but felt that he could tell me anything. I asked him why that was and he said that growing up in the 80's with Aids and HIV had made him causious and then he had only had one long term relationship in his adult life.
I told him that it didn't matter to me but that I was a very sexual person and asked if he was too.He said that he hadn't really had the oppotunity to find out but that sex was a very long way down the line for us as he believes in waiting til the relationship is solid and 'going somewhere' before indulging.
Now this guy has his own house (bought as a shell and he has completely rebuilt it)a good job and many hobbies that he is passionate about.
He wants to get the train up to see me on Monday (that's another thing, he doesn't drive ) and is very excited at seeing my city and getting to know me better.
Does he sound ok to you? Am I the odd one thinking that all men want sex whether in or out of a relationship? Why has he only had sex with one person although has had a couple of other girlfriends? Am I going to look like a right slapper if I flirt with him?
My Exp has only has one other sexual partner, his exw, and they were married for 20 years (teenage marriage). And I can categorically say it has not held him back in any way.
I did loads of internet dating (binge dating, if you will!) and you do develop a radar for the really odd ones.
I would be slightly wary of someone who says they can tell you anything, after only having an online/MSN relationship, because these ways of communicating are great, but can develop 'false intimacies'.
You are probably right Iklboo, I wasn't wanting sex and our first date either but had this thought in the back of my mind that at Christmas he would still be pondering over whether it was too soon for a bit of heavy petting
I'm always in favour of meeting someone in person before deciding what what you think of them. Sooner rather than later, before you build up expectations that may be completely wrong.
TBH, the sex thing would send up little red flags for me, but only because it sounds similar to my XH, who I think was asexual. We were quite ill-matched in that regard, but didn't discover it until we were married and I'd moved overseas for him. HOWEVER, I don't think in your case it's worth worrying about right now. When you meet him/spend a bit more time with him, you will get a better sense of what his attitude is.
FWIW, I do think there are men out there of that age without lots of experience, and some of them are decent, respectful, and can be very sexual once they are in a committed relationship. The ones to watch out for (if you are a sexual person) are those who say 'I don't understand why it's so important to you' and 'I've got better things to do with my time' and generally think you're weird WRT sexual interest. Let them find women who feel similarly, rather than wasting your time.
it is possible he's not a huge fan of sex as he has no idea what he's missing out on.
i know from experience, this does happen. and it amazes me that there are women who do actually lie there like a sack of potatoes. why do these women not want enjoy this experience as much as possible i have no idea.
sex is great fun
perhaps he just needs you to show him this to. he may be fantastic but just needs some encouragement.
he may not like flirty talk as he's not done it before and embarassed he makes a fool of himself
or he could have low sex drive
or a small tinky winky
or he's gay
you wont know unless you give him a date, you might not like him in the flesh anyway.
worse case scenario you get an evening out with a nice male company and enjoy yourself.