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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Am shaking can't believe he has done this

68 replies

susie100 · 02/07/2008 15:41

Just found DP's phone bill on the kitchen table was using it to scribble down a number whilst on the phone and saw a number again and again (national rate) He has been calling it every day, sometimes for hours at a time. Called it and it is some live chat line. He has been spending hours on it. Just called him and told him and he said he is bored sometimes and it means nothing.

I am staggered we have a good sex life and thought we were very happy. How can I trust him? These are real women so how do I know he has not been meeting them. I am shaking and feel betrayed. He says it means nothing.

I am overeacting?

OP posts:

Report

NigellaTheOriginal · 02/07/2008 15:43

does he think the same about you and MN?
or is it a specifice sex/chat line?

I'd be p'd off at the bill though.

MrsSylar · 02/07/2008 15:43

No you are not.
You need to sit him down and tell him exactly how that's made you feel.
Poor you.That's crap

RubySlippers · 02/07/2008 15:44

i was going to post the same thing as Nigella

jenniebee · 02/07/2008 15:45

Er no! i'm sure if you had had 'meaninless' chats with other men DP wouldnt like this. am at his explanation.

madamez · 02/07/2008 15:45

It's very unlikely he has met anyone: premium rate chat line staff are working, we don't want to meet the customers (and we are not allowed to anyway).
However, he shouldn't be spending this much of the household budget on phone lines without consulting you. Nigella has a good point about MN use being similar except that MN use doesn't cost money.

susie100 · 02/07/2008 15:46

No it is a specific sex chat line that is what bothers me. He keeps on saying he is so sorry and it means nothing but it means something to me. I am just concerned it will escalate if it has not already and this is the thin end of the wedge. The fact he has been talking to women and no doubt masturbating makes me feel ill. There is nothing he can do to make me feel better about it, this has happened before years ago and he promnised he would never do it again.
I would never check his phone or bill as I trusted him. Yuk.

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scanner · 02/07/2008 15:48

Oh per-lease how is a chat line the same as MN? Chat lines are all about talking dirty, I know we do occasionally talk about sex, but not about having it with each other.

Susie - I understand how you feel and I would be hurt by this. However as relationship crimes go it's not high on the list, it's not an affair just a bit of fantasy. Sounds like it's time for a heart to heart.

susie100 · 02/07/2008 15:48

From what I can gather it is not 'staffed' but has other women 'real life' women on it.

Jenniebee I said exactly that and he said he would be gutted. He says he can only apologise but I can't see that helping.
Feel sick.

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susie100 · 02/07/2008 15:50

madamez I like the humour it has made me smile on a horrible afternoon

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NigellaTheOriginal · 02/07/2008 15:51

ah. sex. can see why you'd be upset.

i do think of MN as a bit of my fantasy life though as does my DH. he calls it talking to my imaginary friends.

susie100 · 02/07/2008 15:56

Scanner you are right, it is not that bad but still just so seedy. The fact it is real women disturbs me more than if it were a premium chat line or him watching porn which I actually don't think is unhealthly this seems more of a betryal.
Just looking through the bill now (never thought I would be this person) and after the calls to chat lines he often texts a number a couple of times including a photo. Just called one and it was a chavysounding girl. Argh.

How do I discuss this sensibly with him. Is he addicted? Is he meeting them in real life. He will of course say no but how do I trust him?

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susie100 · 02/07/2008 15:59

Has anyone been in this position?Did it just end there?

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poshwellies · 02/07/2008 16:15

Are you sure its not a staffed chatline? Like Madamez said,its highly unlikely that its not a woman working the chatline.

I know someone who worked for a 'real life' women sex chat line and believe me-its all women pretending different personalities
I know that the sex text lines are fake and the women (and the men)working these have a catalogue of fake pics they send out via texts.

I'm sorry he's has done this to you.

susie100 · 02/07/2008 16:25

Hi poshwellies I think so because when I called it it asked if you were a man or woman. I entered woman and then you record your message and get to talk to men. Also I can't imagine they wld give out a mobile number or maybe that is all part of the scam.

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Boco · 02/07/2008 16:31

Those comparing using mn with using a premium rate sex chat line have OUTED themselves as the hairy handed truckers, getting their rocks off on the weaning threads.

I think you need a big talk with him.

poshwellies · 02/07/2008 16:34

It's a not a real 'mobile' number.

Unsure if I should go into the workings of the text lines on here-but rest assured its not a real 'woman' in the sense that you are fearing.

poshwellies · 02/07/2008 16:35

at Boco

susie100 · 02/07/2008 16:36

Thanks Boco you have made me laugh.
Will have a big chat but I can see us going round in circles - he says sorry and I have to trust he won't do it again. He was very upset asked me if I was going to leave him, that he is sorry, it is meaningless etc

Part of me thinks it is not a big deal but how do I know? Trust broken is not a good thing.

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susie100 · 02/07/2008 16:37

Well that is reassuring poshwellies but it let me sign on as a real woman if you see what I mean.

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susie100 · 02/07/2008 16:39

Maybe I will have to spend an hour on the line pleasuring myself with dodgy men and see how he likes it. So the men will be paid as well I presume. Gosh I now am thinking what a sad pathetic thing to do especially when he has me and I am hot (flouce)

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susie100 · 02/07/2008 16:39

flounce even

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ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/07/2008 17:13

They will have men and women working there, and will connect you to a worker depending on your gender who will pretend to be someone like you (well not you, him)

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susie100 · 02/07/2008 17:17

Thanks Kat in some bizarre way that makes me feel better. This is just so grim. Do you think there is a think between this and going to see a prostitute or can it end here?

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bubblagirl · 02/07/2008 17:36

i dont think men who talk on phone to fake women pretending to be someone else would then lead them to see a prostitute its not about the real thing but fantasy imagination not having sex with them

its apparently quite adictable to men as women are paid to boost a mans confidance and self asteem the fact they cant see there 40 stone in over stretched joggers is where the women are laughing

men are just made to stay on the line as long as possible as woman can earn 2.50 a min for doing this

its nothing to do with you he would love you no less its just a fantasy that he has found he has become addicted to

talk to him tell him how this makes you feel and put a ban on these numbers on the phone

and yes men do this to and women phone to get a feel good boost from them without strings attatched and infidelity they just dont know how it makes the other person feel so you need to tell him

HarlotOTara · 02/07/2008 17:51

Do you think he might have wanted you to see it - even unconsciously? Interesting that he left it on the kitchen table, maybe he wants help to stop doing it

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