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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Private Investigator

69 replies

ReallyConfused · 20/01/2005 20:44

Has anyone every used one? How much do they cost?

Seriously thinking about hiring one.

OP posts:

Report

piffle · 20/01/2005 20:46

Crikey, part of me thinks if I ever felt the need to do that, I'd consider my relationship over.
I could not deal with feeling that way, can you tell us a little more and and see if we can help you make sense of anything?
xx

janeybops · 20/01/2005 20:50

Why? What do you suspect? or Who?

ReallyConfused · 20/01/2005 20:52

The short version. DH and I hav8 not be getting on for about 8 months. Found 'inappropriate' text msgs on his phone, found a love note(says his doesn't know who from) in his bag, has been to a hotel in the afternoon on more than one occasion ' to think'apparantly and our very good friend told me before Xmas he's having an affair with a girl at work. He says it's absolute lies, yes he did get very close to a girl at work because 'she' had problems with her dh and needed someone to talk to. Says he would never cheat on me. We are now in Relate.
I still don't know who to belive and he has a works do to go to in a few weeks that he's says 'he must attend'.

OP posts:

ReallyConfused · 20/01/2005 21:05

At our first Relate session DH said he just feels numb and it has made him question what he wants. He's making me feel so crap at the moment I just don't know what do.

OP posts:

piffle · 20/01/2005 21:09

basic facts being this, you are not being unreasonable questioning what you have found out, it is enough to make anyone very suspicious, you are entitled to worry and ask him to explain it.
How does your friend know and can you absolutely be sure that they are telling the truth?
Keep going to Relate
hugs it must be hellsih for you at the moment

Harrysmom · 20/01/2005 21:10

Sounds a bit suspicious I must admit. If you did get an investigator and you found out what you suspect...what then? If you just need closure, then Id go ahead and hire one, but if you will be heartbroken then think hard, and try Relate for a bit longer.

ReallyConfused · 20/01/2005 21:12

I know I need closure and I guess this is the only way I'll know for sure. I just can't belive I'm even in this position.

OP posts:

galaxy · 20/01/2005 21:14

I think I'd need to know for sure too so probably would. No idea how much they cost though.

morningpaper · 20/01/2005 21:14

Can you confront the woman involved? She may well confess?

Harrysmom · 20/01/2005 21:16

Ive considered it.....Now I just dont give a hoot !

Harrysmom · 20/01/2005 21:16

There are loads in the yellow pages, no idea of cost though.

ReallyConfused · 20/01/2005 21:18

I nearly did but dh went mad saying we shouldn't involve other people in our problems and that he could get the sack! Now we're trying to sort things out I feel I can't.

OP posts:

morningpaper · 20/01/2005 21:20

Sounds like confronting the woman would be the cheapest option! Or her husband? What would be the worst thing that could happen? I don't see why your DH would get the sack.

How did your friend claim to know about this?

I can't imagine a positive reason for going to a hotel alone for an afternoon, I'm sorry.

Harrysmom · 20/01/2005 21:21

Id just have to know!

galaxy · 20/01/2005 21:22

Sorry but it all sounds really suss to me and I would have to find out the truth. NOt sure confronting her will get you the truth but may be worth a try.

Harrysmom · 20/01/2005 21:24

Give an investigator a call...maybe its cheaper than you think. You wont have to involve yourself in any horrible confrontations then.

ReallyConfused · 20/01/2005 21:24

My friend says he told her. She's had a couple of affairs and says she saw all the signs and asked him. He apparantly told her a few months before then one night I kept pushing her and she told me. He's says she thinks everyone lives their lives like her and that she's a gossip.

I pulled all his old phone bills and he text her all the time. He's now changed his password so I can't see them.

OP posts:

Mum2girls · 20/01/2005 21:25

He needs a hotel room in the afternoon 'to think' That's just an insult to your intelligence...my heart goes out to you, but I don't think you need a PI.

galaxy · 20/01/2005 21:27

I think you know the truth and are just looking for the proof. Don't blame you.

ReallyConfused · 20/01/2005 21:28

Why would he keep denying it? Why not just confess? Am I being really stupid here?

OP posts:

galaxy · 20/01/2005 21:29

No not stupid and I hope for you we're all wrong.

franch · 20/01/2005 21:30

Maybe he's afraid if he confesses you'll leave? He can't want that if he's doing Relate???

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Mum2girls · 20/01/2005 21:31

Well he might deny it because it's not true.

He might also deny it because whatever it was going on, has ended or it didn't mean anything, he's confused or he feels guilty.

You said your friend told you he was having an affair...how/whatdid she know?

galaxy · 20/01/2005 21:31

Still don't understand why he'd get the sack though if you confronted this woman? Is he her superior or something?

Mum2girls · 20/01/2005 21:33

Sorry - just read the thing about the friend - but why has he changed his p/w - I'm truly sorry but his behaviour is highly suspicious.

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