At what point would you ask for exclusive dating?

(62 Posts)
nolovelost Tue 20-Jul-21 18:18:38

We've had 4 dates and sex on date 4, and really like each other. His future plans include me. I'd be gutted if he dated anyone else and feel that he would be if I did. Obviously I'm thinking of discussing it with him but don't want to appear heavy. How would you put it, or would you leave it a bit longer?


OP’s posts: |
CloseYourEyesAndSee Tue 20-Jul-21 18:20:12

Definitely after sex if you still like each other

nolovelost Tue 20-Jul-21 18:22:16

@CloseYourEyesAndSee thank you! After sex, is that because we should know at that point?

OP’s posts: |
Mountaingoatling Tue 20-Jul-21 18:24:30

He should ask cos he doesn't want you seeing others. I've never asked. I'd try and get him to a) realise he doesn't want to lose you and b) step up. But if he's not that I'd definitely clarify that now.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Tue 20-Jul-21 18:24:57

After sex for me too. I don't share my lover with other women.

cookiecreampie Tue 20-Jul-21 18:25:50

If I knew someone was into me and we were having sex, I'd assume he wasn't seeing anyone else, unless I had reason to believe he was. Some people do sleep about when dating but I think the majority aren't doing that if they like someone and want it to progress to a relationship. If he was seeing other people while sleeping with you, I'd assume he wasn't serious. I think all you can do is have the conversation.

spinningspaniels Tue 20-Jul-21 18:27:13

From the 1st date.


nolovelost Tue 20-Jul-21 18:32:42

Thanks everyone. @Mountaingoatling "get him to realise that he doesn't want to lose you" how do I do that?!!!!

OP’s posts: |
Peace43 Tue 20-Jul-21 18:33:03

After sex. I’d go with “can I assume neither of us are sleeping with anyone else?”

Wearywithteens Tue 20-Jul-21 18:33:59

1st date for me too. Times have changed but integrity and good manners still mean the same thing.

AnaViaSalamanca Tue 20-Jul-21 18:40:56

After I get to know him enough to ensure he is worthy of a relationship. I think about 3 months or so. I don’t believe in exclusive dating to be honest so maybe my approach is a bit different: either we are a couple or we are not.

Mountaingoatling Tue 20-Jul-21 18:59:59


Thanks everyone. @Mountaingoatling "get him to realise that he doesn't want to lose you" how do I do that?!!!!

I suppose I just mean don't act too available or smitten. Hold something back

Umberellatheweatha Tue 20-Jul-21 19:09:30

Now. Tbh is expect a respectful man to have broached it before going home the day after you slept together. Rather than just leave you feeling vulnerable because you dont know where you stand. Poor show of him tbh.

That being said, slight benefit of the doubt considering its only 4 dates in. But generally speaking I expect to know around the 5 or 6 date/week mark.

Ask next time you see him.

nolovelost Tue 20-Jul-21 19:09:51

Thanks yeah, this is what I believe, and others have said too. It's quite difficult when you really like them. Trying not to be all soppy!

OP’s posts: |
inmyslippers Tue 20-Jul-21 19:13:02

I'd need clarification that you're exclusive before it goes any further. Same page and all

nolovelost Tue 20-Jul-21 19:21:55

Thanks all and @inmyslippers so maybe say something casual like, "I was just wondering if we were on the same page as regards to just dating each other" ? But wait until the the right time (next time I see him). He's really lovely and has invited me to his birthday do, said that he's crazy about me etc.

OP’s posts: |
Tiw8 Tue 20-Jul-21 20:15:36

Do you have to ask nowadays?

MarshmallowsOnToast Tue 20-Jul-21 21:28:43


After sex. I’d go with “can I assume neither of us are sleeping with anyone else?”

I think this is perfect.

Short, sweet & to the point.

BraxtonChic Tue 20-Jul-21 21:33:12


After sex. I’d go with “can I assume neither of us are sleeping with anyone else?”

This is perfect.

66babe Tue 20-Jul-21 21:48:13

I'd definitely want to ask too
So lovely to hear you've met someone who sounds great !
I'd say something like " I'm so glad we have met , can I ask if we on the same page about sleeping together , are we exclusive or do you intend dating elsewhere ? " something like that
Good luck , hope it all works out

nolovelost Tue 20-Jul-21 22:05:16

Thank you for the further comments.

Thank you @66babe

OP’s posts: |
Voice0fReason Tue 20-Jul-21 22:39:22

I don't understand this.
Admittedly I have been married a long time, but surely from the first date, you are exclusive unless otherwise agreed. It's just rude not to.
The thought that you could even have this as a dilemma after 4 dates is incomprehensible to me.
Exclusive doesn't mean serious, it's a really basic courtesy that you date one person at a time.

WatieKatie Tue 20-Jul-21 22:55:08

It’s important you know if he’s sleeping with others for your own sexual health. That would be my priority and I think it’s a fair question at this stage.

Maze76 Wed 21-Jul-21 01:13:30

I would have wanted the answer to that before having sex, because if he says no, it’s going to hurt so much more.

WandaLust101 Wed 21-Jul-21 02:01:35

I think it’s very outdated/old-fashioned to automatically assume you’re exclusive so absolutely have the chat with him. From what you’ve said I’m sure it’ll go really well as he sounds very keen on you! As pp have said just keep it short and sweet. Make it clear what you want.

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