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My partner just beat me up

(67 Posts)
K1ran Thu 21-Jan-21 00:58:59

Hi, I've been around for years but this is the first time I've written a thread.

This evening I asked my husband if he could try and lower his voice as every time he spoke, my child, who I had difficulty putting to sleep kept waking up. He blamed my other children saying how can I keep them quiet. So I told him that it wasn't their voices but his voice that kept waking her up. Next thing I know he has started swearing loudly and throwing things and kicking things in his way.
Initially I kept quiet and after a few minutes I told him to leave
He said he wanted his passport so I got it and gave it to him and told him to go. He started screaming some more and getting into my face so I lost my shit and for the first time in my marriage I completely shouted back at him in the same language he was using towards me.
At some point he smacked me in the lip.
All I remember after that is more screaming from both of us. He smacked me in the back of my head and also grabbed my arms. I called the police and he said go on call them. I'll see what they will do.
The police came and arrested him.

I am absolutely petrified. I dont want him back in the house. I have small children and I'm afraid of them being taken away from me.

I haven't told my family. I don't know what is the right thing to do.

OP’s posts: |
GrimDamnFanjo Thu 21-Jan-21 01:04:22

Can you speak to the Police and ask for support to stop him returning in the first instance?

robindeer Thu 21-Jan-21 01:04:45

Other, wiser women will be along soon to help but I didn't want you to think no-one had read your post. You're not alone. You've done the right thing.

Is there anyone who can come to you to support you with the children?

Have a look at this website, and consider contacting them for reassurance regarding your legal protections, specifically regarding your children. www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

flowers

Stinkywizzleteets Thu 21-Jan-21 01:10:24

You did the right thing by calling the police. You’ve seen this man’s true colours and he needs to go for your safety and the safety of your children. Speak with your local women’s aid who can give you all the support and advice you need. Tell a close family member for support. Even call social services for advice, that’s what they’re for.

I’m so sorry you had this experience but please remember none of this is your fault, you’ve
Done nothing wrong, you did not Deserve it or instigate it. This is all on him. Shouting back does not mean he gets to hit you.

Leave the doors Locked with the key left in the door so he can’t get in and if he turns up and kicks off you call the police again.

You took a brave first step to escaping this relationship. You’re a strong amazing woman and you can get through this without him!

warriorwomanx Thu 21-Jan-21 01:11:06

Hun you have a few options here;
Call Women's Aid or the National Domestic Violence helpline and let them help, advise and support you through this.
You did the right thing calling the police, you don't have to face this alone. These organisations can sort out any legal aspects (non-mol etc) get you and your kids to safety or otherwise handhold along side you if you don't know what you choose as your next step yet.
Sending a virtual hug 🤗

warriorwomanx Thu 21-Jan-21 01:11:57

Pa the National domestic violence helpline is 24 hours, so you can get onto them now and get some support

dublingirl66 Thu 21-Jan-21 01:12:48

So sorry to hear this
Please get a non mol order

Awful thing for you to you through
Please press charges

How are you feeling?

Weirdfan Thu 21-Jan-21 01:20:56

Do you get on with your family OP? Would they support you? If so, please call them (or a friend you trust), you shouldn't have to go through this alone. Please don't feel ashamed (the only shame here is his) or worry you're burdening them, if they love you I'm sure they'd want to be there for you.

You need an emergency non-molestation order to stop him coming back to the house, speak to Women's Aid or the police and they should be able to talk you through the process. You've done all the right things so far so please don't worry about your children being taken, if social services do become involved they will just want to see that you're protecting the kids from any further violence so as long as you take the right steps to keep him away they will be happy.

You must be in shock, please look after yourself tonight and get some real life support as soon as you can flowers

OakSun Thu 21-Jan-21 01:23:47

Huge well done for calling the police. That was the absolute right thing to do for you and your children I promise. You have kept them safe and they won’t know it but they will be very grateful when they are older. Sending you lots of love

RJnomore1 Thu 21-Jan-21 01:24:07

First to reassure you by calling the police you have protected your children and no one will take them

Have you had medical advice for your injuries?

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants Thu 21-Jan-21 01:26:47

Do the wise things others have suggested. Police first to check they're keeping him in, at least overnight.

Then call a family member or friend that loves you & ask them to come around. Preferably one that's built like an outhouse.

Whatever you do, do NOT let him back in, EVER. If he wants to see the kids, tell him to go to court.

How old are your kids? Are they all his?

Big HUG - you did the right thing💐

RainyDay2020 Thu 21-Jan-21 01:28:33

Others have already given good advice about Women’s Aid etc. Also ask the Police about non molestation order to keep him away from you and your house.
None of this is your fault, you have done absolutely the right thing for you and your children in reporting him.
Please reach out to a friend or trusted family member for support. Sending you hugs.

katy1213 Thu 21-Jan-21 01:34:48

You've done the right thing.Get the locks changed tomorrow. Whatever you do, don't let him back in. Don't engage with him at all and don't engage with any of his family; any contact now is by court order only.

Brownbananabandana Thu 21-Jan-21 01:37:33

Well done op, you absolutley did the right thing calling the police.

Have you got anyone you can call for company who can come stay the night and be there with you in the morning?

BlueThistles Thu 21-Jan-21 01:40:04

Im so sorry OP ... I hope you and the children are safe tonight 🌺

BaggoMcoys Thu 21-Jan-21 01:47:59

Well done for calling the police.
Don't let him back in the house whatever happens. Any sign of him then you call the police right away.

Please do speak to your family, or a friend. Tell someone who cares about you. Hopefully there will be somebody who can come and spend the night with you. I would do that for a friend in your situation, without a second thought. Please don't be ashamed or embarrassed or think you're a burden or anything like that. Nobody else is going to think that about you. He is the only bad person here.

And op, well done for standing up for yourself. I'm so sorry about what he did. You and the children stay safe. First thing tomorrow, you get those locks changed.

RonaldMcDonald Thu 21-Jan-21 01:49:25

I’m really sorry this happened.
Please don’t believe this will be the only time he does this
You children and you are safer without him
You can also get free protection to keep him away from you. You need to request an ex parte non molestation order - which can be granted to you within 7 days of the incident. A solicitor can help you and women’s aid can recommend someone good but any solicitor that says family law will be able to help ASAP.
Good luck

MisfitRightIn Thu 21-Jan-21 01:49:46

I hope someone, somewhere, is helping you get through this. You did the best thing possible under terrible circumstances.

purplecorkheart Thu 21-Jan-21 01:51:21

Well done for calling the Police, you have done the right thing. Is there anyone, or ideally multiple people that you can ask to come over?

Do you know if he has his house keys on his person when he was arrested? Please put on any internal locks. Wedge layers of cardboard under the door to act as a make shift door stop so it cannot be open from the outside.

Please contact the organisation suggested for help. If you can take photos of any injuries and get yourself checked by a Doctor particularly with the fact he hit your head.

BookFiend4Life Thu 21-Jan-21 01:55:53

You did the right thing! Tell your friends and family, is there someone you trust to come stay with you? That will help protect you and also help.you stay strong against having him back.

BlackeyedSusan Thu 21-Jan-21 02:00:29

when the police ask you for a statement, give it. please. I was too shocked and upset to think clearly and did not make clear choices.

be aware that you are really going to be out of sorts for a few days with the shock . try to be kind to yourself. easy meals.

you will probably be contacted by social worker as it will automatically be reported. I hope you are able to tell them that he is not coming back.

find out what information you need to find out before he collects his stuff.

get benefits advice and start a claim.

see your Gp if possible to get that head checked out.

try to get photos of your injuries. in some places organisations take them for you and keep them for 5 years.

leave a key in the door or secure the door so that he can not get in whiole you sleep.

you can apply for possibly and occupation order check out proper legal advice.

TacCat49 Thu 21-Jan-21 02:02:22

Sending you a big long hug. You have demonstrated with your actions that you are a good mother and you are a very strong woman but probably so beaten down that you don't realise it. You have had some very good responses to your posting. I would agree that you need to get an emergency non-molestation order. Please get a family member/friend to support you through this.

Hatstrategicallydipped Thu 21-Jan-21 02:02:45

Social services will be informed but will support you unless you take him back (which is likely) in which case they will take your children off you. Don't do that. They will have heard and been terrified. You were terrified and you're an adult. They can't defend themselves. Don't take him back. Do yourself a favour. Don't look back. You'll be 'over' him in a few weeks. Hardly the love story of the century is it?

StormsDontLastForever Thu 21-Jan-21 02:06:06

Well done for calling the police op.

I don't have any advice for you but hope all works out well for you thanks

Torvean32 Thu 21-Jan-21 02:17:21

I dont have as good answers as others. I just wanted to say well done on calling the police. I hope you get the help to keep you and your children safe.

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