I have been living with my partner for almost a year.
He is a good guy, very practical, he's great with housework, DIY etc and I never ask him to do anything around here. I love him a lot, but we have so many problems and I don't know how to fix them.
We don't argue much. I have had my years of arguing and dramatics and I cannot be bothered with any of that anymore.
When I tell him I have an issue he doesn't listen though. For example he was talking about something quite gruesome the other day, I said to him that I didn't like hearing it and asked him to please stop. He carried on anyway. I asked him to please stop again, and he carried on, so I got up and left. It was quite upsetting to me. After an hour or so he came to find me and apologised.
This is an ongoing issue though, he says something upsetting, I get upset, then he waits ages to apologise, or it just doesn't get discussed, unless I bring it up, then he apologises.
I tell him directly when I'm feeling insecure, or sad or whatever, and I tell him directly what I need but he just doesn't listen. We talk afterwards and he says he will change, and listen, but he still doesn't.
There is also an issue with his dd, she stays here 90% of the time, which is fine, but she is an only child, who was used to having 2 parents catering to her every whim. I have 2 dc who have been raised completely differently. She clicks her fingers and he totally jumps to her tune, buys her whatever she wants, goes wherever she wants, she will only eat certain food from certain places so he does shopping in 3 different supermarkets to cater to her every need.
When he isnt around she is totally different, she eats what I make, I ask her to do chores, the same as I do with my dc, and she does, i have spoken to him about this and he says he knows theres an issue there but he will not change this. So, for example, my kids will ask for something worth £100 and I say yes, but make them earn it, she asks for something worth £100 and he can't get his card out fast enough.
Its not the dds fault, and when he isn't around she is a really lovely kid, and I actually think she is a bit embarrassed that she hasn't been taught how to do things for herself, I am teaching her things, but her dad comes back and she doesn't lift a finger again.
I really need him to step up so all the dc in the house are treated equally, and I have discussed this with him so many times, but he isn't willing to prepare her for life.
He says when she hits 18 and goes to university then she will just have to learn the hard way. Which is pretty shocking to me.
The other issue is that he promises me things and never delivers. Just silly things, like taking me somewhere, or cooking me a special meal or something, then he forgets. He never forgets when he has promised someone else something. I keep saying to him not to say things if he isn't going to do them, it's the fact he says things then forgets, I have told him his words are important to me, as we had some trust issues right back at the start of our relationship, but he doesn't seem to take this on board.
I was on my own for years before I met him, and I was in an abusive relationship before that, so I'm really not sure if I have been on my own too long and am just not tolerant of things anymore, or i have too high expectations because i always said if i was to get into another relationship or had to be 100% healthy.
Does this sound like a relationship worth saving? Should i cut my losses? Is there some other way I should be communicating?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I don't even know where to start with this mess.
Thisisatoughchoice · 10/08/2020 13:34
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.