Cheated on ex with a prostitute

[GreenPillows]

Is this a red flag for you?

I’ve known this guy a couple of months and it’s all fairly intense but he’s lovely and things seem easy and right.

We were having one of those disclosure conversations though and he told me he cheated on his ex wife with prostitutes. He said he told her in the end and it led to them breaking up. He wanted me to know because he didn’t want secrets and that it would never happen again.

I feel really odd about it. How would you feel?

[2cats2many]

God that's disgusting. It would be a 'hell no' from me. He obviously despises women.

[Coffeeandchocolate9]

It would be a definite no from me, but I'd consider breaking up with him for an officially different reason, just in the hope that he would still disclose it to the next woman if he doesn't realise that's the reason.

[GreenPillows]

I don’t know why he told me at all!

[Figgygal]

I'd feel disgusted and end it personally

[TatianaLarina]

Wouldn’t touch a man who uses prostitutes with a barge poll. Let alone cheated with one.

[TatianaLarina]

Not sure why you haven’t ended it already.

[HettySunshine]

I couldn't get passed that to be honest. Not just the fact that he cheated but also that he thinks so little of women that he would pay for sex.

[PicsInRed]

Is this a red flag for you?

Yes. The relationship being "intense" in the beginning is also a red flag.

He may be telling you to test whether you're willing to accept it, and then deliver some of this treatment to you.

[crankyassnoperope]

He would be gone.

I'd be torn between telling him exactly what I thought of him and doing as Coffee suggests in the hope he continues to tell women in the future.

I reckon he told you because he thinks he's being all open and honest about "mere cheating", and to be honest it's all the more awful that he doesn't realise how bad it is to most women that he would coerce a woman into sex that would otherwise be against her will; coercing her with money.

[AdriannaP]

Massive red flag. Sorry no. Couldn’t be with a man who paid for sex.

[Scorpiovenus]

Yep judge others by their past behaviour

[Amys136]

I agree total red flag and would the intense start to the relationship.

I wouldn’t give a different reason though because I think if you pretend to be ok with the prostitutes then it normalises it

[chipsandgin]

I’d leave & move on - it’s grim & tells you a lot about him (mainly that he’s morally bankrupt, a cheat, a liar & doesn’t have respect for women. Plus is a pathetic, grubby little man).

Then find one of the 90% of men on the UK who don’t use prostitutes.

Eww.

Also echo pp, don’t tell him that’s the reason you’re dumping him otherwise the poor woman he lines up as his next relationship wouldn’t find out until it’s too late.

[Ozziewozzie]

@PicsInRed That’s a really good point. I’ve had ‘one of those’ that implies such intense honesty and such deep love’ yet still chooses to fuck it up anyway whilst begging for forgiveness.
It’s so disrespectful.

[chipsandgin]

& yep absolutely judge others by their past behaviour, why wouldn’t you? That’s what tells you who they are - he’s not going to transform from a grubby, cheating, lying john to an honest, respectful, monogomous partner just because he’s fessed up, that doesn’t change anything.

[LittleWing80]

Oh OP, very intense and cheated with prostitutes... he gets bored easily?
I bet he probably told his ex wife it was all her fault, she pushed him to do that by non complying to whatever it is he was expecting of her.
Whilst cheating is not ok, you could potentially why someone’s feelings could change or some dysfunction in the relationship happen (again wrong but could find an explanation) but resorting to prostitutes I can’t see any explanations for it apart from him being a vile person.
I would personally end it.
He might be lovely but remember players only love you when they are playing...
Why he told you, no idea but good suggestions in PPs

[ZestyMaximus]

I count three red flags:

Intense relationship
Cheated on his wife
Used prostitutes

[GreenPillows]

I’m glad I started this thread. I only found out yesterday so still processing it. I think I didn’t want it to be true. But I just don’t think I can continue now.

Interesting point about the intense start too. I’d not thought about that

[AzraiL]

I'd nope the hell out of there.

[hellsbellsmelons]

A man that goes with prostitutes - just NO!!!!
It's so so grubby.
He's paying to use a womans body.
He is telling you he literally has no respect for women.
YES IT'S A HUGE RED FLAG!!!!
As is the intense love bombing.
RUN - THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[HotChocWithCream]

Honestly, I wouldn't even have a thought process about it. He'd be gone.

[Littlejets]

I think it would show him where your boundaries are if you were OK with knowing that and continued to date him. Not sure it could ever work as you would always wonder if he was doing the same to you??? Or would that just be me

[LittleWing80]

@hellsbellsmelons really good point... no respect for any women. If dp doesn’t give me sex, I’ll cheat, if I can’t find anything breathing and willing to allow me to have sex with them, I’ll pay someone

[GreenPillows]

It really does disgust me

[GreenPillows]

little I think you’re right.

That’s what I can’t get past. Was it a warning? Give it to me or I’ll pay for it?