I got rejected.

[HAKAY2018]

Hi,

Okay just admitted how I feel about this guy that I’ve spoken to non-stop for 2 months! Seems like I was reading all the signs wrong despite him doing all the following;

-Messaging me every single morning at 7:30AM because he knew that I was ready and out of the house heading to work at this time.
-Asking how my day was, what I did, him telling me what he did etc.
-Showing me photographs of his parents and sisters and telling me how well I would get on with them
-Messaging me at 8:00PM because he knew I finished work then
-Talking till late at night till one of us fell asleep
-Meeting up whenever we were free

Anyway... told him I liked him and he didn’t completely reject me but I felt that he was trying to be nice about not feeling the same...

He said that he wasn’t sure about the future and that it was too early to talk about the subject.

Told him that I wasn’t proposing or planning a wedding and that I wasn’t in love with him but only liked him and felt that he should know.

Anyway, I told him that I wasn’t prepared to invest my feelings or time any longer if he wasn’t interested in me.

Feel like a complete idiot! And I’ve done so much for this guy! Spend 2 whole days going through his 96 page thesis and correcting and adding things with him. Waited a hour in the rain for him to meet me once and ended up sick for 2 weeks. He admitted that he had noticed my feelings and that I liked him which got me really mad - IF YOU NOTICED, WHY did you not tell me that you weren’t ready for it?? Tbh I was actually falling in love with him but would have never said this...

Called him a player for playing with my feelings which got him angry.

Just feel like crap since this was the first time that I had told someone that I liked them first! And it’s not like we are young, both 28.

How do I get over all this? Gutted that I lost him but relieved that I’ve spared my heart from future trauma... but still gutted and upset.

[FuckItPassMeTheWine]

Did you kiss or get intimate? If not then be thankful as some guys do this and then come out with the whole “I’m not sure” line.
You weren’t wrong to tell him you liked him but maybe next time with someone don’t invest too much , like waiting an hour for someone in the rain for example . Cap it to 5 mins then go home. Work on your boundaries and what’s acceptable vs what’s putting too much in. It doesn’t sound like you got much out of this “friendship”, it sounds one sided , so consider that more going forward and look for more of a equal reciprocation of effort/ favours

[HAKAY2018]

Thank you for your message. You are right... just need to get over the fact that I’ll be 29 soon and 30 next year and my biological clock is ticking and haven’t even met anyone that I could potentially be in a relationship with!

[HAKAY2018]

And no there was no kissing or physicial intimacy

[subspace]

Yay! You were brave, got rejected and the world didn't end! Nobody died! That, in all seriousness, I think is cause to celebrate! Being the first to admit feelings is BRAVE - go you!! Getting rejected is hard - but you bloody nailed it like a boss!!! Nothing awful happened after that - WINNING!!

Re-frame it. I'm serious, it'll help a lot. You're awesome. You didn't do anything wrong. And now you're in the super-awesome place where you are free, single, and able to chat to whoever you like whenever you like, and able to be brave at any point in the future you choose. The world is your oyster! Have fun with it

[NotANotMan]

He sounds like he has been sending very mixed messages! All the boyfriend stuff without actually being a boyfriend. Weirdo.

[FuckItPassMeTheWine]

@HAKAY2018 don’t worry OP , 30 is young , I’m 36 and haven’t found anyone but if that’s still the case at 38 then I’ll probably decide to have a sperm donor and do it myself . Life has so many options these days , you really don’t need to worry about finding a man if it comes down to it , just concentrate and being happy xx

[bluetrampolines]

Be so glad you found out now.

[HAKAY2018]

Thanks guys!

Next question is... how do I forget him and stop checking my phone waiting for the douchebag to message me even though I know he won’t!!

[HereIgoagainxx]

Sounds like he used you and didn't say he had no feelings because he risked you walking away when he still needed something from you.

How do you get over him? You decide that only a man that is very keen on you is worthy of your affection. If he's not falling over himself to get to know you better, he's not the one for you.

Most of us have been where you are at some point. Don't take it to heart. Do something nice for yourself and be thankful you won't waste any more time on him.

[Bluntness100]

Sounds like he saw you as a friend, noticed you had a crush, didn't feel the same but liked you enough as a friend. He didn't lead you on as such, but yes he probably took advantage a bit, maybe he was flattered.


It is what it is, block him and try to focus on other things.

[JodieWhittakersBraces]

I think he knew exactly what he was doing. Some guys are arseholes like that, act interested just for an ego boost. You did the right thing by being honest about your feelings, at least you now know where you stand and can start moving on.

I'd suggest keeping busy with other friends/family so you're not waiting on your phone. He's a prick!

[Bombardier25966]

Feel like a complete idiot!

Well you were pretty over the top with the rejection. I'd be cringing too.

What's done is done. Now you can move on and find somebody who is interested. But before you have one of those conversations again, think about how to react with some grace.

[HAKAY2018]

I told him weeks ago that I was getting fond of him and said he felt the same... literally leading me on! He even said a few times that he was getting worried and when I was at work - he would constantly check on me If I had eaten etc.
I’m relieved but so so so devastated at the same time!

[NotANotMan]

That sort of regular daily contact isn't friend level

[YouAreMyRain]

Is he gay? I have a habit of falling for gay men and not realising

[SpiritedLondon]

I would have thought the same with that level of contact. I don’t think you’ve been an idiot at all - you took a chance and it didn’t work out. Although it feels tough at the time it’s not anything to be embarrassed about. You were honest and straightforward. When you think about it men have carried the burden off asking out women over the years and have faced the prospect of rejection repeatedly but for us it’s a slightly newer thing. Hold your head up high and set your prospects elsewhere. You may find as soon as you’re become a bit less accommodating and available he suddenly does have feelings for you after all. ( if you still want him)

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I'm really sorry OP, sounds rubbish. I read your first post and wondered if he was hanging on so that you would check his thesis. There's no way I would do that within 2 months so you have a really kind heart.

You'll be glad that you didn't have intimacy with him, it just doesn't feel like it now. At the moment it feels rubbish...

[HAKAY2018]

Thank you guys :)

I think it was after we worked on his thesis that I started to really see another side of him and started developing feelings. I wished that he would have at least let me down more easily and given it a chance. I would have been more than happy if he had said ‘let’s wait a few more weeks’.

It just sucks because after 7-8PM he would always text and I had this gut feeling that he might do so...

Cried all the way on the drive home and had to stop several times to calm down haha! I was so certain that he did like me so it took hours of me rehearsing what I would say to be later rejected 😅😂

[HAKAY2018]

I think the hardest thing is that for the first time, I liked everything about this guy. And we matched on so many levels in terms of degrees, jobs, salary, family, looks etc.

I thought... oh actually I might finally be able to get what I deserve and want instead of settling for less... but guess not!!!

[puzzledlady]

I don't know im on the fence with this one - it sounds as if he might have been on the same level, then when the didnt reciprocate the words you wanted to hear, you might have accused him of playing which maybe he wasn't? So he got annoyed at the suggestion? Maybe he's shy? My now husband loved me quite quickly, said he fell in love with me almost immediately - but he just didnt know how to tell me, when i told him i only found this out way after we were going out.

I dont know - whats done is done now, and you can move on. Good luck OP. :)

[blackeyes72]

I had this once too when I was around your age... Good looking guy, we got on well.. Used to pick me up with his motorbike, I stayed over loads of times at his house, spent many nights as friends. We were also from the same country and that Christmas he went home and bought me a silver necklace with a diamond cross...

However he then went onto have a number of one night stands and I felt hurt so just cut him off gradually.

I think we liked each other but he wasn't ready for a relationship.. But I didn't want to hang around and I never said anything even though I did like him.

Fwiw I am married with kids now, met Dh at 29, married with first child by age 32

[bluebell34567]

you did the right thing to speak to him, now you know you wont need to waste your time on him.
he may be gay, he may have someone he couldnt forget, there may be many reasons. you dont know him for long i guess.
if he had feelings for you he wouldnt reject you.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

If you want a quick cure to stop you looking at your phone OP, here is is... ready?

1. Block him.
2. Delete all messages
3. Delete all call logs
4. Allow yourself a bit of a cry - 10mins for day one on a sliding scale till you've stopped.
5. Vow to follow this bit of advice that I heard (on an Agatha Christie film of all places) - "Love men enough - but not too much". Certainly don't love them more than you feel they love you and hold a little of yourself back.

You'll get there :)

For now it's shit though. ? ? or ?

[Shambu]

He's totally led you on, he knew exactly what he was doing.

You were right to ask him straight out, otherwise you would have wasted more time on it. Be glad it was only 2 months.

I would drop contact and get on with dating.

Prepare for him to come running after you've gone, saying he's 'confused' though.

[bluebell34567]

yeah, he can come back saying he is confused. dont give in otherwise it will drag years and years.