My partner has two children to a previous relationship. I have no children but I really want to have my own child. (I’m 31, he’s 36. We have been together 3 years. He wants children with me)
Before my partner and i started our relationship, he told me he had previously had a vasectomy but would be able to get it reversed. I wasn’t happy with this and told him that I didn’t want to get into a relationship with someone who had a vasectomy as it was very important to me to have my own child one day. He told me that if I wanted a child so much then i would be better off with him anyway because ‘at least i know he has been able to have children’. Naively in lust at the time, i began the relationship, fell in love with him, and fell in love with his kids.
He had his vasectomy reversal a year ago. We have recently discovered that his reversal did not work. Our only option would be to have IVF with ICSI, which is obviously very expensive. We have decided to not go on holiday etc for some time in order to fund this. Which I really do appreciate him doing. And he says that we will have two shots at treatment and then if it doesn’t work we will need to get back to our life as it is just now as it isn’t fair to his children to suffer and miss out on holidays etc because of us paying for treatment.
My problem is, i had (naively) not imagined us being in this predicament. I’m not sure i can get over the fact that I might never have a baby because he previously had himself sterilised so that he could have unprotected sex with his ex wife. I could deal with infertility if it was due to natural causes. But I really can’t accept the fact that I might never have a baby for this reason. I know I’ve been stupid by getting myself into this situation.
I also feel like i am now resenting him and i am snapping at him because i feel so angry, which really isn’t fair on him. I just feel so lost and devastated. My current behaviour isn’t fair on him and I’m worried that we spend all this time saving and if the treatment doesn’t work i know I’ll be unbearable for him because I don’t think i could cope with a decision he made in his past which could take away the one thing i want in my future. I know I’m being selfish unreasonable but how do i get these feelings out my head when they are so strong. I love him so much but at the same time I’m being a terrible partner by having these dark feelings of anger.
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Relationships
I can’t accept my partners vasectomy which he had before he met me.
Emmeline2 · 08/10/2018 12:44
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