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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I dont know why I'm posting this

53 replies

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers · 12/08/2018 02:00

I've posted before under a different name about my h being abusive on a one off when I was pregnant. I thought that it was 50/50 blame even though the majority posts on here said to leave him.
Tonight he raped me. Then tried to pretend it didn't happen, even though I know, and he knew what he was doing. I've just chucked him out but my children are asleep upstairs. My mum says not to call the police and I agree but really need someone to talk to. Is anyone awake and reading this? Sorry to be a pain, there will be no updates but I need someone to speak to.

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Pinkandproud · 12/08/2018 02:02

I’m awake Why does your mum say not to report him to police? What is your feeling in it? I’m so sorry.

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers · 12/08/2018 02:07

I don't want to report him because we have two children and it would completely fuck their lives up. Plus he used to work for the police so he would know what to say.
I don't know what to do, my whole life is falling apart I'm so sorry you answered because I'm not going to do anything just need to speak to someone

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BitOfFun · 12/08/2018 02:09

What do you imagine will change if you don't report him?

ChocAuVin · 12/08/2018 02:09

I’m here too. I’m so sorry. Please make the call.

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers · 12/08/2018 02:09

How could he do this?! Literally we were talking about how we've come through so much and how much we both love each other tonight. We've been together for 11 years I can't believe this has happened.

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RubberBabyBuggyBumpers · 12/08/2018 02:12

I can't make the call. I'm really sorry but I just can't. The thought of random strangers coming round talking about my marriage and making me say my husband is a rapist, I just can't do it. I know I should but I cant

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goforthandmultiply · 12/08/2018 02:12

Has he definitely gone for the night? He can't get back in? You need to try and get some rest. Decisions can wait a little while.

goforthandmultiply · 12/08/2018 02:13

You don't have to make the call but you do need to be safe. That's enough. Please be safe and know this is not your fault.

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers · 12/08/2018 02:14

I'm so sorry to post on here. I just need to speak to someone and everyone I know is understandble asleep. My mum has unswerz but she's half aslèp and is emotioally connected to this via grandchildern just need to talk.

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RubberBabyBuggyBumpers · 12/08/2018 02:16

I'm safe ive told him, in no uncertain terms to fuck offf. Plus I've put the chain on the door so he's not getting back in.

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RubberBabyBuggyBumpers · 12/08/2018 02:17

I just don't know what to do as I've already made the decision not to call the police but I'm wide awake with the adrenaline so I dont know what to do.

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MiconiumHappens · 12/08/2018 02:22

I'm so sorry this has happened. My friend went through the same ordeal.

Do you have a close friend you could ring? It truly doesn't matter about the time

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 12/08/2018 02:25

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I don’t know what to say or suggest but I hope you’re safe and please don’t rush any decision tonight.

Pyracantha1 · 12/08/2018 02:26

Firstly take a few deep breaths.

You feel wronged and betrayed. Since you've made the decision about not going to the police I suggest you get a piece of paper and write down your thoughts. Wrote down everything that you are feeling and thinking. Often writing things down can feel like a release. After that please try getting some sleep.

When you wake up in the morning and feel rested you can then decide what you want to do. In the meantime maintain distance with your husband until you feel safe and feel like you are ready to talk. Maybe suggest relationship counselling to him or if it was me I would just threaten him about going to the police. He needs to feel what he did was wrong and will have consequences.

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers · 12/08/2018 02:29

Hi sorry sorry yes, I've called my sister and she's called me back and I've cried down the phone to her for half an hour. But I could hear her baby crying so I said i would let her go then that's when I posted on here.
Sorry to use you guys like this but i was so freaked out I just wanted to speak to someone who would tlak to me like a normal person. I know it's really weird vut I just feel sos all over the place I don't know what to do.

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MrsCatE · 12/08/2018 02:30

Just want to say I'm here - not much use - I can't tell you what to do. Please remain safe. Please think again about way forward - this is major escalation. I know you said you won't let him back in but I think you need to report, for your future safety and the kids. Is there anyone who can come and stay with you tonight? I don't know why your mum would say what she did or manage to go back to sleep. Stay safe. X

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers · 12/08/2018 02:32

Thank you bit ther is no way im sitting with a rapist in counceling. He can seriously go fuck himself.

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RubberBabyBuggyBumpers · 12/08/2018 02:41

I'm sorry to be so clingy Thank you so much to everyone that's replied. I'm really drunk I think so another reason why I dont want to call the polic

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PeoniesandPretties · 12/08/2018 02:42

I'm awake too @RubberBabyBuggyBumpers your head and heart is all over the place I'd imagine. But husband and father aside rape is still rape, how can you be sure this won't happen again? Could you call 111 for some advice to help you make a decision? Keep talking to us lovely, your not alone x

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers · 12/08/2018 02:42

I'm sorry

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MiconiumHappens · 12/08/2018 02:46

I agree with Peonies.

Also please remember rape is rape.

I really think there should be someone with you. I'd be so upset if a friend felt they couldn't call me in this situation.

Singlegal · 12/08/2018 02:47

Oh darling. Sending you so much love right now. Just remember that you have done nothing wrong xxx

MiconiumHappens · 12/08/2018 02:47

You have nothing to be sorry for.

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers · 12/08/2018 02:47

I did call 101 buf there was a massive queue so I hung up.
I've had friends that have been raped before and nothing has been done. Plus in the ridiculiously likelyhood the police do belive me he will still deny it and I'll have to go through court. Plus if he's convicted my kids will have a sex offender dad. No winners

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RubberBabyBuggyBumpers · 12/08/2018 02:51

Thank you. I didn't want this to be a whole thread where I defened myself for not calling the police and I know I've been defensive but you've all been so lovely really sorry for interupting anyones night. I'll be ok.

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