Should I leave my partner due to infertility issues?

[Lilmisschatabox31]

Me & my partner have been together nearly 5 years. For the last 3 years we have been trying for a baby & got no where.
We have been for all the tests ( I am fine my eggs are just decreasing a little quicker than normal for my age.... 31 )
My partners sperm count & motility are normal just his sperm shape is at 1% when apparently it should be at 4% for a healthy shape.
Does anybody know anything about this??
My partner is 33
Do I even have a chance of getting pregnant really??
We were told we could get pregnant naturally or to go down the ivf route. ( truth is we can’t afford it ) and if I’m honest why should I pay for something when I know I can naturally get pregnant???!!!
My partner isn’t willing to try a sperm donor, foster etc
I currently have a child who is now 6 years old from a previous relationship
I have always wanted lots of children & although I know some women never get to experience it at all I should be grateful ...well I am I just feel it’s so unfair not to go on & have more when I can and would like too.
I also work with children & have done ever since leaving school.
I believe it’s what I’m put on this earth to do, love & care for all children.
It breaks my heart that I don’t get a chance of a proper happily ever after.
I feel as though I have met the man I always wished for but yet I find myself more & more now wanting to give him a chance of trying with someone else ( maybe we’re just not meant to have children together ) maybe he isn’t my soul mate. Maybe it will work for him with someone else?
Our relationship is good and we’re so happy but this just breaks me every time. There’s nothing we can do and we can’t afford to try for ivf! I feel hopeless
Each time someone new tells me there pregnant I feel so sad & upset, angry & I can’t seem to shake the feelings off. I would just like to be happy for others but I can’t.
It’s eating me up & I don’t know what to do to make things get better.

[greendale17]

I feel as though I have met the man I always wished for but yet I find myself more & more now wanting to give him a chance of trying with someone else ( maybe we’re just not meant to have children together ) maybe he isn’t my soul mate. Maybe it will work for him with someone else?
Our relationship is good and we’re so happy but this just breaks me every time.

^What a load of crap. Saying you want to let him go so he has a chance? You are not fooling anyone.

You don’t love him. He deserves someone better than you.

[theothermum]

Wow, you're charming... let him go. He deserves better than you. (As per pp).

[m0vinf0rward]

You sound so shallow. He needs to leave you and find someone who appreciates him for who he is, not just a sperm donor and human cash machine.

[OrchidInTheSun]

I think your desire for children is probably stronger than your love for him. Nothing wrong with that. But to be fair to both of you, end the relationship and then you can explore your options

[Whattheactualfuckmate]

Yeah I think you should leave him and do him a favour

[Gazelda]

So your want for more children is stronger than your love for him? If this is the case, be honest with him and leave him. But how will you feel if you don't find anyone else who you love enough to consider having children with? And where does your 6yo fit into this?

[PrizeOik]

There is no such thing as a soul mate

Also what is a "proper happily ever after"?

If you want more children more than you want to be with him - then you should leave him. It's really that simple.

[upsideup]

you definately dont sound like the sort of person who was put on this earth to love and care for children.

[CornishMaid1]

To be honest you sound incredibly selfish. As any decent couple with fertility issues will tell you, whilst it may be make factor, female factor or unexplained it is not your DP who has fertility issues. You as a couple have fertility issues.

If you can honestly sit there and blame your DP for it then he deserves better and this is from an infertile couple who aren't even lucky enough to have one child.

Either your partner is your soul mate and the person you will always love more than anyone else or he is not. If he is you would not even consider leaving him because as a couple you may find it hard to conceive.

[PurpleDaisies]

Leave him. He deserves better than someone that will ditch him like this.

[Smiler88]

Wow. You sound incredibly selfish and like a terrible partner. The Dr hasn't said he can't have children yet you're already considering leaving him because you don't have a problem? What a poor guy. You should really consider what a partnership is.

[SillyMoomin]

Wow. Just wow

Everything previous posters have said

[foodiefil]

Erm I don't understand the really awful previous replies to you - I might have read it to quickly but in your OP I seem to hear that you think you should leave him so he can have his own children?

Are you mapping your periods? It's not that easy to get pregnant actually - try doing that and see how you get on

[PurpleDaisies]

Are you mapping your periods? It's not that easy to get pregnant actually - try doing that and see how you get on

They’ve tried for three years and had investigations done. Do you honestly think they haven’t thought of that?

[Lizzie48]

I'm the infertile partner, my DH has no issues with his sperm. Thankfully, he's not like you, he loves me and has stayed with me; we've gone down the adoption route and we have 2 lovely DDs, who are now 9 and 6. At first, I felt guilty thinking that I was depriving him of having a child with someone else, but he'd chosen to be with me, and having a baby with someone else didn't even cross his mind.

I feel really sorry for your partner, you don't seem to even consider how he feels about this. It was one of the worst experiences of my life to discover that it was because of my fertility problems that we couldn't have children naturally, but my DH has never said anything to suggest that he resents the fact that he won't have biological children because of me.

[BerylStreep]

[Pebblespony]

I'm not sure from reading your post that it's entirely down to him. Just because you've had a child doesn't mean you can have another. Secondary infertility exists. Sounds like you don't really live him except as a stud animal.

[Pebblespony]

*love

[Pebblespony]

Also you say you can't afford ivf but earlier in your post you say that you don't feel you should have to pay for what you see as his problem.

[NotUmbongoUnchained]

I think kids are one of those things that can’t be compromised. If you desperately want more but can’t because of him, then leave him. But you do risk not finding someone else who wants them. I would probably leave a partner if I desperately wanted children.

[mozzybites]

My DH had sperm issues, he offered to leave, I told him not to be so daft. We did have IVF after a while but we were together regardless of its outcome.

[Charliebigpotatoes]

I was going through some issues a while back that could have affected my fertility.

I gave my partner the opportunity to leave as I didn't want to deprive him of the opportunity to have his own children.

He told me he was with me because he loved me, not because of my ability to make babies.

You should leave your partner and I hope he finds someone who isnt utterly selfish and just sees him as a baby making machine.

[ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo]

You should leave him, but not due to infertility issues. Due to the fact you have zero respect for him and see him as nothing other than a sperm donor.

I believe it’s what I’m put on this earth to do, love & care for all children.

So fucking do it then. Go and care for children. Go and help the children that actually need someone to love and care for them. There’s loads of them. The world is full of unloved chidlren. Do something to change their world.

But the truth is you don’t actually believe that. It’s a load of crap you’re telling yourself to justify wanting another child by any means necessary.

[SandyY2K]

OP I think you're getting a hard time. My take is that...you don't really know the full issues around his sperm shape. For such an important matter...you should have got more information and asked more questions.

If you were told 100% the issue lies with him ... then I could understand you thinking of leaving.

I think leaving a relationship for those reasons are valid.... because you'll only be miserable and he with you.

I do question your view of being put on earth to just have kids though.