Dp sudden rages ruining our lives

[overpressure]

My dp can be a very loving,caring person but recently he's started going into sudden anger rages for little or no reason.

An example was last week the wrong cat food was delivered so he was fine about it to the delivery driver, accepted the food, then when the cat didn't want to eat it he started shouting and raging how f*cking Sainsbury's cant even deliver the right food. He was literally foaming at the mouth and his eyes were wide and glaring. He started pacing room to room shouting and swearing and really scaring me and ds who is almost 2. I told him to calm down but he wouldn't listen.

After a while he did calm down and I asked him why he exploded like that and he said that it was the shops fault for bringing the wrong food and it wound him up. He apologised to ds for shouting and 10 minutes later was playing with him like nothing happened.

Ive been constantly living on edge since these rages have started as they come from nowhere and I can't predict them. I don't want to live like this it's not fair on any of us.

[PalePinkSwan]

That’s very odd.

Do you think he’d agree to see the doctor? Sudden rages like that could be a symptom of thyroid problems, diabetes or a few other things.

Or does he not see it as a problem?

[overpressure]

He definitely does see it as a problem after he's calmed down. Whilst it's happening he doesn't which scares me.

[PalePinkSwan]

I recently posted for advice on here because I was having sudden rages. During them I really felt like my anger was proportional and right, and I could only see that they were a problem afterwards.

I got an urgent gp appointment and am now being tested for thyroid and lots of other things that could cause this, and have been referred for cbt for anger management.

It was taken very seriously, especially because I have young children. There’s a lot of help and treatment available.

[TeacupTattoo]

After 10 years of marriage my ex-husband behaved like this, it was very scary and he refused to go to doctor. Which was the end, for me. After I left I realised just how controlling he'd been for a long time but it had been very insidious. Can you insist he goes to doctors with you? You and your child have the right to live without fear.

[endofthelinefinally]

It sounds like he has a medical condition or he is taking something.

[Bowlofbabelfish]

He’s either ill, on drugs or he’s an abusive arse.

He needs to see the doctor ASAP.

[overpressure]

Thank you all for your replies. He does have mental health problems also but I don't think it's related to that as it's something that's just started recently and he's suffered with poor mh for years.

[mumonashoestring]

That's part of the problem with mental health issues - people think that once they have a diagnosis that's it. It's no different to physical problems - they can worsen, change, you can have more than one at a time. Sudden changes like this definitely mean it's time to see the GP.

[Aquamarine1029]

This is totally unacceptable and you simply can't live like this. Imagine the impact this is having on your child? I would tell him that he must get help NOW, and if it happens again, just one more time, your relationship is over and he will move out. Him having mental health issues is not a free pass to terrorize you in your own home. I'm very concerned these rages will turn physical, and you should be too.

[overpressure]

Aquamarine yes I am concerned the rages could turn physical. I will advise he sees the GP about this but he had a phone consultation with them two weeks ago and they concluded he was fine and didn't need any additional help/medication.

[Bowlofbabelfish]

I think you need to contact his GP as well - Obviously they are limited in whatcthey can tell you but ideally they would be aware of the extent of the rages when he does see them - otherwise he can minimise it.

Bottom line is that while he may be ill, your safety and that of the children is paramount. If he cannot control his rages and will not see a doctor to fully investigate and be honest, he has to leave.

[TorviBrightspear]

OP, the phone conversation two weeks ago is meaningless if the rages weren't brought into the discussion. He needs to see his doctor.

[TorviBrightspear]

Oh, and if you can do this safely, a video of the rages would be useful for the doctor. Your DP can't minimise it then.

[sadie9]

You could ask him can you video him in a rage the next time, so that he can see himself. And you would have something to show to a doctor or a therapist. It's a big ask but it might open his eyes. He's probably not aware that he's behaving like he is.

[ThePeasantsAreAtTheGates]

Is he a gym fanatic? Does he take supplements (steroids)?

[overpressure]

No steroids. He's very against them. I've thought about videoing him but when it's happening I just feel too scared. The dr knows about his rages but have done nothing

[overpressure]

It's making me think I'm just being too sensitive about it all

[Wolfiefan]

You're scared of him? Then he needs to leave whilst he sorts this out.

[Bowlofbabelfish]

Does he go to the gym? As in weights type stuff? Regardless of his feelings on steroids..

Did you hear him describe the rages accurately to the doctor? Because if not it’s likely he has minimised or perhaps not actually spoken at all.

Kids safety and your safety is the biggest concern.

Has he ever shown behaviour like this before? Are his family aware?

[overpressure]

He doesn't have any family just his brother who knows. He probably did minimise it to the dr. He does go to the gym but only about once a fortnight.

[Bowlofbabelfish]

Contact the doctor and explain your worries. Do not minimise.

And keep yourself safe. That’s the priority. You are not being over sensitive

[CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry]

Another here to say diabetes. My dad was the same before his diagnosis. Believe he got a blood prick test at a pharmacy and then took it from there. Medication sorted him out, was a shame it took so long to get fixed as it damaged our relationship for a while (me being a teen at the time).

[overpressure]

He has tested negative for diabetes recently. I have noticed it mostly happens when he's hungry but not always.

[Bowlofbabelfish]

He needs a full medical workup. In person. With a doctor forewarned and forearmed with the knowledge that he is having rages sonserious his wife is frightened.

If he won’t do that, you need to consider if he’s safe under your roof.

FWIW, if I had a rage like that I’d be straight down the docs in a worry and of myboartner was scared of me I’d be absolutely mortified and be doing anything to find out the root cause and prevent recurrence. I’m sure you would too.

So why isn’t he?

[Mary1935]

Hi am just checking if he is just like this with you? If so I'd be concerned he is abusive.