Please be kind.
Backstory: ‘D’ H and I are separated. He’s a cocaine addict who has just got out of rehab and while he was there I discovered an affair with one of his female friends (still claiming it wasn’t sexual but admits to kissing and secret dates over many months). Lots and lots of lies told. I was devastated.
4 months later, we are split up but I have agreed to go to counselling with him to see if our marriage can be salvaged. We can’t start counselling until he is further on in his recovery (went to one session, they wouldn’t see us yet). He’s already relapsed a few tunes, once was after an argument with me. He is very vulnerable. I’m keeping my distance at the moment as I’m still very angry with him and don’t want to jeopardise his recovery any further. We have had sex a few times recently, the last time was a couple of weeks ago.
I’m basically in this limbo where we aren’t together but might be in the future, but can’t do anything about it yet. My self esteem has been in the gutter after finding out about his affair, and I’m on my own with 4 little kids and everything has been so stressful and depressing. For a bit of a laugh I joined Tinder and got chatting to a few guys and have been thinking about going on a date with one of them. ‘D’ H and I had discussed that maybe we might see other people but I’m not sure if he thought I was serious. Anyway, I sent him a message today to let him know I’m thinking about dating and he should feel free to do the same. He didn’t reply and now I’m wracked with self doubt. Is it wrong to go on a date? We are still married. Was it wrong to tell him? I don’t want to be deceitful but he’s probably upset. Advice please! If I’m being an asshole, please tell me (nicely)
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Relationships
AIBU to go on this date (and to have told 'D'H)
exhaustedmumof4 · 14/11/2017 19:35
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