NC for this, but I am a long time lurker and recent poster, I promise.
I've been with DH for 8 years, we got married last June. We have a DS who is 3 and are ttc DC2. (This is mutual btw, he is just as eager to conceive as me, or so he says).
A bit of background, DH has always been flirty, but so am I so I just see it as harmless fun really. He's also a bit of a liar. Only small white lies really, I think that he likes to be liked and often lies to people so as not to upset them/let them down IYSWIM. Anyway, he started a new job a few months ago, and he's working at the same company as my DM. There's a young, pretty, blonde girl there (lets call her Amy) and as soon as I met her I had that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach, but DH assured me that of course he wasn't interested, I'm the only one for him etc. DM told me about an incident a few months ago where her and Amy were invited out after an event, and they ended up in this bar with a few others, one of whom was an older married guy with kids. However, him and Amy were all over each other and disappeared for half an hour. DM said that it was the first time she'd seen Amy in this light, and basically warned me to keep my wits about me regarding her and DH.
Long story short, he has messaged her on Whatsapp a bit, and deleted the conversations straight away. I lost it on xmas eve and told DH to ask Amy to download their whole convo history and send it me. She did, and tbh it was all quite harmless really. But I asked him to never contact her again on his personal phone, that’s what he has a work phone for.
Last night, he left his FitBit on the side, and I saw it flash up with her name (it’s one of those that links to your phone and shows any text messages that you receive). It looks like he initiated a convo with her yesterday, and it looks like he’s offered to take her out (he’s leaving the company, so it’s probably just a goodbye drink). But I checked his phone and he’s deleted the messages now. I’m 99% sure that nothing has happened (naive I know), and tbh she seems quite immature and doesn’t even realise when he’s been a bit flirty. But it’s the fact that I told him to NEVER contact her again, and he’s gone and betrayed me.
So here’s where my dilemma is. DH inherited our current house from his Aunt, but it’s currently in his DF’s name (it’s getting signed over to DH next month). So do I keep my mouth shut, pretend everything is ok, wait until the house gets signed over, and then tell him I’m leaving? Or shall I cut my loses and leave him now, even though we have no assets in our name at the moment, so I will be left with nothing? (I work PT so there’s no way I can afford my own place for me and DS). Or do I tell him that I know about the messages and try and work it out? WWYD?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Emotional Affair? WWYD?
mugmugmug · 16/01/2017 10:17
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