Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

WWYD?: upcoming 50th and DH

(32 Posts)
DestinyofDisaster Tue 15-Nov-16 06:20:12

I'll try not to ramble and your advice would be much appreciated :-)

Ok, so it's my 50th in approximately 4 weeks and I have a horrible feeling that DH is going to let me down again. I'm not expecting or indeed wanting a big do, DH knows I'm not really in to all that.

However, we've been together for almost 30 years and he knows in all of that time I've always wanted to visit London and go to the theatre. I had assumed that's what he had planned for my 40th as we had discussed it many times and although he never actually said that was what we were doing, I wrongly presumed. We did in fact have McDonald's watching the xfactor :-| (yes, I was a bit pissed off about it)

So, I'm guessing you've realised my DH isn't very romantic and he can be a bit unthoughtful.

We've joked about it over the years, although he's still aware it's something I want to do and friends of ours have had playful digs at him and told him he better have something nice planned for my 50th. But, I don't think he has and it's actually getting to me. I'd be seriously miffed if he thinks McDonald's and the xfactor will do it for me this time.

I know it probably sounds ridiculous in the grand scale of things but WWYD, should I ask if there's anything planned or just wait and see? I think I might actually LTB if he hasn't planned anything special.

Scooby20 Tue 15-Nov-16 06:25:17

Tell him what you want to do.

HeddaGarbled Tue 15-Nov-16 06:26:39

I think that you should find a play you want to go and see, find out if there are any tickets left and then tell him, this is what I want to do for my birthday. 4 weeks is probably too late for popular shows, so you might have to book ahead and do something else on your birthday. You've been together long enough to know that he probably hasn't planned anything, so take the reins and organise it yourself.

NapQueen Tue 15-Nov-16 06:26:47

I wouldn't wait and see as the potential for disappointment is too great.

Can you be quite forthright with him? "Dh, with my 50th coming up I'd like us to go to London and see a show. Can you please find us a nice hotel and I'll see what shows are on that we both might enjoy? What date works best for you?"

Just take ownership of it.

Or, better still, arrange a weekend theatre trip with a close friend and tell him you are going away!

Bohemond Tue 15-Nov-16 06:26:50


InfiniteSheldon Tue 15-Nov-16 06:28:16

I would have already organised something, he's not good at romantic surprises, you already know this why sit around and wait for him to fail.

InfiniteSheldon Tue 15-Nov-16 06:29:20

Ah cross posted with others didn't mean to sound quite so harsh flowers

AnyFucker Tue 15-Nov-16 06:32:35

You are just waiting for more disappointment. Why ?

Decide what you want to do for your 50th and make it happen. Your H must have some good points or you wouldn't still be married to him

I found that I evaluated a lot of things in my life when I was 50 and some stuff that wasn't working for me got removed from it. Just saying.

Thisisacting Tue 15-Nov-16 06:38:48

You need to tell him clearly what you want. If you still don't think he will do it, book it yourself. I know it's not the same but you know what he is like by now.

80sWaistcoat Tue 15-Nov-16 06:40:12

Don't set him up to fail. That's not fair.

If you've been together this long he must have other strengths that have kept you together, even if birthday planning isn't one of them. There may even be thing that he does that you don't that keep the relationship moving.

Either tell him exactly what you want and ask him to book it or do it yourself as your birthday treat and invite him along, or even plan it together.

Not my 50 th but this year we went downtown so I could pick out a present and I've booked a table for him, me and some friends at a place I like for my birthday...

ravenmum Tue 15-Nov-16 06:47:37

* So, I'm guessing you've realised my DH isn't very romantic and he can be a bit unthoughtful.*
I can't say I got that from the introduction at all. More that he had no clue what you were expecting.

Why have you been waiting 30 years to go to London?

MissMargie Tue 15-Nov-16 06:52:10

I arranged my 50th and 60th. Amazing foreign hols - DH accompanied me so he was happy too.

Whocansay Tue 15-Nov-16 07:10:50

Organise something yourself with your friends. Take control and stop being such a martyr.

SandyY2K Tue 15-Nov-16 07:13:12

Why have you been waiting 30 years to go to London?

My thoughts as well.

I have a friend who was always let down on mother's day, by expecting her DH to take her (and the kids )out to lunch.

He'd leave it till the day and of course nothing was available ... they'd walk into restaurants and they were full. Eventually they ended up in McDonald's a few years, which the kids loved but she was furious.

So she started booking a restaurant herself every year.

Naicehamshop Tue 15-Nov-16 07:24:00

Agree with everyone else ; take control of this yourself. Don't sit around waiting to be disappointed.

DestinyofDisaster Tue 15-Nov-16 07:55:12

Thank you for your replies, and apologies in advance because it sounds like I'm drip feeding.
But just to answer a few things. We have discussed it at length, he knows exactly what I want to do. A show was selected that we'd go and see and my best friend/colleague had given me the heads up that I would need to book some time off work a couple of months ago. (DH & BF get on very well).

I'm not in a position where I need to book time off work at the moment. Due to a breast cancer scare last month I took leave to re-evaluate my life. I'd been working long hours and my job was very stressful still times.

I've lost all my family members over the past few years so it's just DH, me & our grown up Dc's now. I have one person that I can genuinely call a BF.

My BF knows what DH is like and has said that she and I should celebrate my 50th together and leave DH sat at home on his iPad but I guess I'm just hoping that he won't let me down again. We've had some problems in the past and perhaps I'm the real problem waiting for the final straw? :-/

BigGreenOlives Tue 15-Nov-16 07:58:18

Just ask him if he's booked the night away yet. As your birthday is in early December you need to get a move on!

DestinyofDisaster Tue 15-Nov-16 08:02:45

Sorry, just wanted to add, I have been to London now, about 3 years ago (never previously been) unfortunately no sightseeing involved, just work related meeting / overnight stay and straight home.

I know it probably doesn't sound like it, but I'm not a very needy person. We've never been on holiday, we've had the occasionally meal out but we don't go out iykwim. I'd just like to have my special days acknowledged

HermioneJeanGranger Tue 15-Nov-16 08:59:56

Why don't you book things yourself? It's obviously not his cup of tea. I don't understand why, if you want to go to London so badly, you don't just...go?

singleandfabulous Tue 15-Nov-16 09:07:24

Youve never been on holiday in 30 years?


How do you spend your time off? Do you do anything outside the home as a couple?

LetsAllEatCakes Tue 15-Nov-16 09:20:44

Ask him what the plans are. If nothing is in motion then you can decide what to do and who with.

Don't frustrate yourself bh seething and wondering until then.

80sWaistcoat Tue 15-Nov-16 09:45:06

Even more so after reading your update - talk to him. Ask him quite clearly without any room for misunderstanding - "so is there anything planned for my birthday" - if there is ask what it is and if there isn't or you don't like what's planned - you or the two of you organise something.

From the sound of your lives at the moment - X Factor and a McDonalds was probably the Ritz as far as he was concerned. A weekend in London and the theatre would be like 2 weeks in the Caribbean!

You don't sound needy - you are just married to someone who is unlikely to organise suprise birthdays. So organise the thing you want to do...

MotherFuckingChainsaw Tue 15-Nov-16 09:59:16

I think you do need to say something

I am a little forgetful and self absorbed and frankly crap at remembering to organise stuff like this.

DH has a good technique

'It's my 40th birthday soon Chainsaw. I want you to organise something special for me'

'Ok what do you want'

'I'd like to go to a restaurant in Paris '

'Ok darling '

<Toddles off to organise something>

It would be better not to have to ask, but asking is probably better than sitting seething with resentment.

ravenmum Tue 15-Nov-16 10:33:29

I'd also say ask him now, so that he still has time to change his plans to something you want if they are not quite up to scratch. You don't have to make him tell you exactly where you are going, just say something like "I'm really excited about my 50th so I am just going to have to check ... don't tell me all the details, but you have cottoned on to the fact that I want to be treated to the theatre in London, right? Otherwise I'm going to organise it myself."

AnyFucker Tue 15-Nov-16 10:40:50

Never been on holiday ?


Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now