I think I am abusive and I don't know what to do

[TychosNose]

Just reading the thread in chat on hitting things / throwing things in anger and I realise what a terrible wife and mother I am.
I regularly throw things against walls and hit walls and furniture. I have no idea how to stop.
I'm scared. I think I need to leave for the sake of my family.
Is that the right thing to do?
Dc are 2 and 6 and witness outbursts all the time.

[SheldonsSpot]

Yes, you need to leave.

And then get yourself some help - anger management, see your GP, counselling, etc.

[SandyY2K]

Why not seek help via your GP and get some therapy.

[SandyY2K]

What does your husband say about this?

[Iggity]

No, you don't need to leave but you need to get yourself some help.

[GettingScaredNow]

You need to learn to control it.

The fact you can face up to it and admit it is a big step.
My STBXH would do all that and then minimise and blame. He never accepted responsibility.
See your GP and ask for CBT or anger management.

[imwithspud]

Please seek help. Now you are aware of it you can actively take steps to control it. Make an appointment with your GP as soon as you can.

[Myusernameismyusername]

You just need to get the right help and I think posting this is a good step for you

We all have parts of our behaviour we don't like but can't always see. Yours sounds quite significantly damaging and you need to address it ASAP. Hiding your head in the sand now you can see it will not help you. No matter how shameful you feel about it think of you kids and their future from now on and what you need to do to make things better

[OhNoNotMyBaby]

No of course you don't need to leave. That would be even worse for your family! Especially your children. (Unless you are being physically abusive towards them of course.)

As everyone else has said, get help, asap.

[Yawnyawnallday]

Don't leave. Anger is a fucking horrible monster and finding a different approach is the only way to defeat it.

[TychosNose]

Thank you for your replies.

I know i am damaging my children.

I don't know how to get help.

I've begged my gp for help.

I'm desperate but I can't stop myself getting into an uncontrollable rage. I spend a long time explaining to the dc that I'm sorry and it's not their fault and that I'm ill. But that's not enough is it? That won't undo all the anxiety and maybe fear that feel will it.

[Myusernameismyusername]

What did your GP say?

[SandyY2K]

What has your GP said?

[TychosNose]

One gp referred to children's services, who said they didn't think the children were in immediate danger so the called the health visitors who don't turn up when they say they will and have been no help at all.

Another gp referred me to the cmht. Who I've been under before, but they hardly had time to see me and have now discharged me as they too don't believe my children are in immediate danger so we are not a priority.

Where do I go now?

[TychosNose]

Sorry if that wasn't clear. Children's services closed the file and passed us on to the health visitor.
Could I call them back? Are you allowed to self refer to children's services?

[toptoe]

What is making you get so angry? Usually it's anxiety based. Work out what gets your heckles up and then before it happens again, either work out how to stop that thing happening or find a solution that is calm.

Give us an example of the situation that causes you to get angry.

There will b other things you need to do too - like therapy. But short term there are some things you can do immediately.

Explaining to your kids you are ill is a good thing as it tells them it's your problem, not theirs. But ultimately you want to nip this in the bud before it escalates to frightening behaviour.

[RepentAtLeisure]

Is it a pattern of behaviour you grew up with as a child?

What are your triggers?

How is your relationship with your partner?

[toptoe]

You need to have therapy for your own issues rather than looking at help for the children then.

[toptoe]

eg tell the gp you need help managing your emotions - you may be suffering depression or anxiety.

[Myusernameismyusername]

I think it must only be adding to his frustration you can't get anywhere.

Ring the CMHT and ask for help. Ring and talk to the Samaritans as they may know of organisations who can support you.

Are you able to afford private therapy? Have you got a supportive partner or family?

[Myusernameismyusername]

Toptoe the problem is there isn't enough services and the GP possibly was trying a new route.

[TychosNose]

Yes I'm suffering from depression and anxiety.

Dh is suffering from anxiety too. Maybe all down to being married to me. We have no real relationship.

[TychosNose]

One trigger is that ds has a sleeping disorder so I haven't slept for more than a couple of hours for nearly three years.

I should never have had dc.

[ScaredFuture99]

Tycho is there any way that you can pay for some counselling/CNT yourself?
Or go through some charities such as Alliance or MInd that will offer some free counselling sessions.

I think the fact yoou have reached out for help before is a sign that your behaviour isn't appropriate but it's being abusive iyswim.

Re the depression, have you had your mess reviewed recently?

[ScaredFuture99]

Sorry have you had your meds reviewed recently.

[ScaredFuture99]

Bloody hell, I'm not surprised you are struggling!

What has the GP proposed about the issue your ds has with sleep?