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Secret families, how common are they I wonder?

(92 Posts)
AnotherPrickInTheWall Wed 10-Aug-16 20:48:25

Not going to bother to name change here.
The children of my close neighbours of 20 years informed me many years ago they had a half sibling. The father had an affair and the child was born 6 months after the middle child. This child was acknowledged and accepted by all members of the family.
FFW 19 years and I am mooching in a charity shop when I see two children who look familiar. I say this because they look so much like my neighbours children when they were small.
One child pipes up; " Daddy can I have this?" and I turn around to see my neighbour with another woman and the two children.
I pretend not to have seen them and depart to the car park. As I get into my car I see he is wearing sunglasses.
I have done my maths; these are not his grandkids.BTW he's mid 50's, not at all well off/good looking or charismatic in any shape or form.
I really don't get how he can lead such a double life.
I know this sounds incredibly far fetched. I have not shared this with anyone in RL. I don't want to tell his wife or kids.
His eldest is getting married next month and I really think Its not of my business to say anything to them.

Peonylass Wed 10-Aug-16 21:13:56

A friend just found out her partner of 15 years has 2 other kids by another woman. They are a few months younger than her 2 youngest. I don't know what I would do if I found out anything like that.

twirlypoo Wed 10-Aug-16 21:27:04

My ds dad didn't tell his gf / parents about ds till he was 6 months old (he left when I was pregnant)

My best friends dad had a secret family and she and her sister have step siblings both older and younger than them both.

I don't trust anyone!

J0kersSmile Wed 10-Aug-16 21:32:49

Ha this thread is good timing. I've just found out my ex has two secret children. One which would have been conceived while we were together.

I wonder how many more will come out of the woodwork in the future.

I know I sound dramatic but I do worry about half siblings getting it on in the future.

OutOfBlueComesGreen Wed 10-Aug-16 21:37:00

My own father. I have half brothers & sisters. I don't know any of them.i could pass them in the street& not know.

Went to school with a girl. Turns out her and her sister were the secret family. No idea about his other family. Very strange.

ThePinkCat Wed 10-Aug-16 21:37:00

My dad has another three children which he doesn't think I know about. Unsure if my mum knows and when they were conceived (before or after they got together). I have done nothing with this information and often wonder if I should but what good would come of it?

Grassgreendashhabi Wed 10-Aug-16 21:37:02

I know someone leading a double life

Married 25 years and two children

Partner 20 years two children

Neither women know about the other woman

Lives between both places because his work allows him to. Goodness knows what will happen when he retires

Which has been avid discussions in the pub

LewisAndClark Wed 10-Aug-16 21:39:35

Dh and I briefly lived in a flat directly above his twin brother (who had lived there years). A well meaning neighbour told SIL that she was very sorry but she'd seen her DH with another woman and children several times over the past few weeks.

We did laugh, but this thread reminded me of it.

Clutteredmess Wed 10-Aug-16 21:41:15

I would be fascinated to know how people compartmentalise their lives like this and how they justify their actions to themselves.

Bogeyface Wed 10-Aug-16 21:56:37

So your neighbour is now on his third family? And this was in your town? How could he possibly hope to get away with that?!

KatharinaRosalie Wed 10-Aug-16 22:01:03

I know a woman who found out after her DH had unexpectedly died, that he had left half his inheritance to his other family. Had a child with the OW born a month after the child with his DW.

EMS23 Wed 10-Aug-16 22:02:21

Woman I work with recently found out her DH had been with another woman for their entire relationship of 13 years and has 2 children with the other woman and 1 with her.

HerdsOfWilderbeest Wed 10-Aug-16 22:03:11

Cluttered - me too! All those events and meals and holidays and phone calls and texts and two sets of PILs and parents evenings.....It must be exhausting trying to juggle it all. Most people struggle enough with one job and one family.

Scribblegirl Wed 10-Aug-16 22:09:33

Has anyone read the book 'Got You Back' by Jane Fallon? All about a secret girlfriend (admittedly no kids) who had no idea about the wife. Great line in it about how the male cheater had thought that 'most men would love a wife and a girlfriend but the reality is two lots of "have you put the bins out?" and "Should we have the Joneses around next week - they did have us last month?".

Never been tempted but it did hugely put me off the idea!

Bogeyface Wed 10-Aug-16 22:10:30

I know a woman who found out after her DH had unexpectedly died, that he had left half his inheritance to his other family

What a fucking bastarding coward! So the poor woman not only found that out, but lost half of what should legally have been hers to the OW, but hey as long as he didnt have to deal with it......

How do these cunts manage to attract enough women to actually lead a double life?!

AnotherPrickInTheWall Wed 10-Aug-16 22:12:57

The thing is that his wife speaks little English yet the kids are all very well Educated, but it seems not wordly wise.

shrunkenhead Wed 10-Aug-16 22:17:51

Where is this happening? What part of the country? All sounds a bit JK..

SandyY2K Wed 10-Aug-16 22:46:56

My friend discovered secret kids of her H in a truly horrible way.

Her H gave his old phone to one of the DCs and didn't fully delete stuff on it and DC saw pics of a little boy sent from OW, along with a message so it was very obvious what was going on.

DC had the horrible job of telling mum and 2 years on DC hasn't spoken to her dad.

They are seperated and divorce has been filed.

Atenco Thu 11-Aug-16 00:05:31

I live in Mexico and some parts of the country were openly polygamous until quite recently, however the rest of the country seems to be polygamous on the quiet. My dd's great grandmother found out about the other family at her husband's funeral and when half his property had to be handed over to them. Another friend saw his father dropping a girl off at secondary school and then found out that his father had a completely separate family in a relatively small city and without his father ever having spent a night away from home. Etc. etc.

AnotherPrickInTheWall Thu 11-Aug-16 02:40:12

I live in a very working class estate in the UK. The man in question earns very little. His wife and children finance keep the house and suchlike. He was given the house by a relative yet has borrowed large amounts of money on it.
As far as I am aware,his family don't know about the third family.

Bogeyface Thu 11-Aug-16 02:49:57

I wonder if family #3 know about the other 2 sad

AnotherPrickInTheWall Thu 11-Aug-16 02:57:41

I reckon they know about his 3 kids by his marriage. I saw mommy number 3( 4,5,6) who knows...? In her own car. I can only guess he finances his lifestyle by remortgaging his house.

LellyMcKelly Thu 11-Aug-16 05:25:16

My friend found out her dad had a secret family in a town 60 miles away. He worked and lived there during the week and came home at the weekend. He had 3 kids with OW and 4 of his own. Her mum was devastated.

x2boys Thu 11-Aug-16 06:07:38

My friend was the result of a thirty odd yr affair between his parents his dad had a wife and two sons in scotland and a my friend and his mum in England they all knew about each other but never met unrill his dads funeral , his half brothers wanted nothing to do with him which is sad.

wannabestressfree Thu 11-Aug-16 06:34:43

I have a son from a ltr who is now 15. He recently went to his grandmothers funeral and his dad has failed to mention to his three sisters that he is related to them.... This is regardless of spending time with them... We are not entirely sure what his 'role' has been in their eyes. Turns out grandmother found out on death bed (she has always had a close relationship with my son) and demanded he tell the truth....
I think it's finished their relationship as my son is so upset/ angry with dad he won't speak to him.

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