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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

He scared me and has made me think twice.

58 replies

tweeter2013 · 24/06/2016 21:50

My partner of 5 months has been odd all week. Kind of rambling remarks, snide comments, up and down etc.

He hasn't been feeling great and not sleeping well either.

This morning he text to ask me up, I went and when I went in he started asking me if I have ever taken things out his house?? Which I replied no.

He had taken it in his head I had been removing things and sleeping with one of his friends behind his back.

There is nothing there to make him think this, I dont even speak with his friend.

But the behaviour and the way he had come up with this and the amount of time he had been thinking of this has really shook me. He wasn't angry or shouting but it was like he was someone else if that makes sense.

Could depression make him behave this way?

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anyname123 · 24/06/2016 21:53

Possibly a mental illness of some sort, or perhaps he's been taking drugs and is having an almighty paranoid comedown? How odd

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HairyMoose · 24/06/2016 21:55

Possibly bipolar episodes. My DP was like this but luckily he's on amazing meds and it's basically in "remission" now.

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AnyFucker · 24/06/2016 21:55

It doesn't matter what is causing this that is for him to spend time figuring out possible with professional help

He sounds like he could become dangerous and you need to protect yourself

Stay away from him

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AnyFucker · 24/06/2016 21:55

*possibly

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tweeter2013 · 24/06/2016 21:58

This is what worries me. He has been up all night and was convinced this had gone on. it was like he was possessed, maybe im being dramatic?

The thing is im scared to finish things as im not sure how he will react. Im scared he will come to my home etc.

He is usually very nice and even now he is so apologetic and cant believe he behaved this way!!

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AnyFucker · 24/06/2016 22:00

if you are scared of him then you must finish it

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HandyWoman · 24/06/2016 22:03

Oh no, AF is right.

'You scared me' is enough of a reason to end it. A very good one. In fact you must

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tweeter2013 · 24/06/2016 22:07

Im just worried how he will react.

He seems to have gotten so attached and dependant on me.

Im so worried that he will keep getting to me.

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HeddaGarbled · 24/06/2016 22:09

He needs to go see his GP tomorrow. You don't necessarily have to finish with him but stay away till he's seen the doctor and you have a clearer picture of what's wrong with him. Lots of mental health difficulties are controllable with medication and/or counselling.

I hesitate to say this because we all know it's wrong to diagnose over the internet on flimsy evidence but it could be a psychotic episode. That sounds alarming but I have worked with lots of young people who have had one psychotic episode, got treatment, and then never had another occurrence.

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PPie10 · 24/06/2016 22:10

Run!

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AnyFucker · 24/06/2016 22:12

It doesn't matter how he will react

Everyone has the right to end a relationship for any reason

If he intimidates you, call the police

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Lonnysera · 24/06/2016 22:13

Doctors. Stay safe.

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mineofuselessinformation · 24/06/2016 22:13

You are not responsible for him, or his actions.
Follow the advice given here. End it. Anyone who makes you feel scared is not a partner.
If he makes you feel threatened in the future, involve the police.

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ImperialBlether · 24/06/2016 22:15

It could be a manic episode - it often manifests itself in the belief that the person doesn't need to sleep.

You live separately, so that's good. I would be looking at changing locks, buying a burglar alarm, buying a nanny webcam and telling him it's over and that you are worried about his mental health.

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tweeter2013 · 24/06/2016 22:24

I have told him to see the doctor, which he has an appointment for.

This is maybe the third episode he has taken where he "hasn't quite be himself" I couldn't pinpoint it them but today it all fitted into place.

He is embarrassed by the things he said but I cant forget them. He spoke how he knew another man had been near my body etc and it was horrible to hear him like that.

He thinks if I want quiet time alone I must be with someone else. He had convinced himself so much I had to swear I hadn't done it and he was nearly approaching the friend too.

Strangely the one person I want to get help from is my ex husband!

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2beautifulkids · 24/06/2016 22:25

Trust me when I say this, if you are scared to end things now for fear of how he may react, a week, month or year down the line he risk to your safety will be much greater!
Keep a log of his behaviour and end it asap

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RaspberryOverload · 24/06/2016 22:25

It's only been 5 months, OP, so if you're feeling scared now, it could get a whole lot worse.

I think you need to leave this chap. He sounds like he needs a GP, and it's not your responsibiity to fix him. You say he's got so attached and dependent on you, and I think that's not a good sign so soon into a relationship.

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DoreenLethal · 24/06/2016 22:29

So attached and dependent on you that he accuses you of sleeping with his friend and stealing?

See to me, he is testing you and how you react will determine the future of the relationship. Ignore this at your peril. What you need to do is to say 'actually, your behaviour has made me think again and so i am ending it here and now. Please do not contact me again'.

I didnt sleep last night, but just got on with my day. You have only been together 5 months, dont be too scared to get out, ending it is totally your right.

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tweeter2013 · 24/06/2016 22:36

Yeah that's the thing, from what I saw of him this morning it was like a different character.

I don't think it was a test, he has seriously been thinking and coming up with the evidence as he said all week!!

It was the last thing I expected him to say when I went it.

He said all that stuff, made me swear I didn't have another man near me. Then if he wasn't convinced said I was never to come near his door again.

It felt like a dream, but I realised I was scared and knew I couldn't go on.

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2nds · 24/06/2016 22:39

OK it could be a mental illness, but does he smoke weed by any chance?

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FreeFromHarm · 24/06/2016 22:57

Trust your instincts , please stay safe x

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CalleighDoodle · 24/06/2016 23:02

It is 5 months in. You are not responsible for him. He shouldnt be making you feel scared. Ever. Youve directed him to the doctors, end it there.

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Molly333 · 24/06/2016 23:09

Google psychosis then run for ur life

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Atenco · 25/06/2016 00:07

Run, OP

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DoreenLethal · 25/06/2016 09:56

Then if he wasn't convinced said I was never to come near his door again.

That in itself is a set up. If you then decide to end it [which you absolutely should] he can then accuse you of having another man and thus relenting on the break up to appease him.

All this after 5 months? Come on love, find your backbone and tell him to do one.

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