I don't get along with MIL.
She probably set her stall out wrongly from the outset, was overtly protective of DH from the moment I met her. She would call me out of the blue to request things as soon as we began dating really.
When we bought our first house, it was all "I would prefer it if you did this, I would prefer it of you did that..."
She requested a wedding long before DH even proposed as she didn't feel comfortable with us simply co-habiting. I was very tolerant for a long time, DH often apologised for her, would tell her not to bother me so much, but never really properly told her to back off.
Her interfering became intolerable during pregnancy with DS1, but as I was suffering with pre-natal depression I didn't raise the issue and tried to steer clear of her as much as I could. She made all sorts of demands on my time for 'after the baby is born...' it was overbearing.
When DS came along, the parenting criticisms began and I became possessive and protective over DS when she was around. She over-stepped too many lines and I began falling out with DH as a result, he asked her to back right off and she became bitter towards me as a result.
The bitterness has continued for 5 years- DS 2 is now here and rather than the criticisms come subtle remarks about our treatment of her. DS feels sorry for her, I feel complete dislike towards her and empathy towards DH for how difficult he finds it. I have now cut ties with MIL after everything blew up and I refused to be in her awkward, unreasonable company any more after one remark too many.
DH has spoken on my behalf and explained that I will no longer be in MIL'S company. He is clearly depressed and feels resentment towards me, whilst wanting to stand by my side. He's trying but he has had such a close relationship with his PILS that he's finding this tough. I feel so guilty to have been the one to sever the close ties he's had for so long, but I can't take much more. I've really tried to get along with her but I really dislike the lady.
I'm worried about the future state of our marriage and I'm not sure DH will be able to continue his commitment to me as time goes on. I would say that the situation has worn us both down and worn down our love for each other. I do still love DH, but it's made things very difficult.
Seeing now upset, miserable and lost he is without this closeness with MIL, I'm not sure I can handle the guilt of knowing that ultimately, it's because of me.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Living with the MIL guilt
chakachumchom · 29/05/2016 13:25
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