I've NC for this but do post under another name.
When I was 18 I had a relationship with a man who was in a long term relationship with young children. We met at work and he lived a way away and came to stay in town for the week, coming back at weekends. It first started off as just friendly chatter and then turned into more. It eventually ended when I left to go travelling, although when I returned he wanted to restart things, although I had met my now DH and didn't respond. I knew he had a partner and still persued it.
This was almost 10 years ago now and after recently having a dd of my own, have been thinking about this time constantly. I am wracked with guilt and don't know how to deal with it. I know that I did something awful, but at the time I was able to brush that away. Now i feel like i have to make amends for being so selfish. I dont think this is coming out right but I dont seem to be able to articulate the remorse I feel.
Obviously I know it takes two to tango, but I really pursued him. Not that it is an excuse, but I was an extremely naive 18 year old with crushing self esteem issues and remember feeling desired for the first time. Lots of girls at work fancied him and he picked me type thing. He was my first sexual experience.
Sorry this was so long. I really want to move on from this but find the guilt crushing and cant seem to move past it. I guess that is my punishment. My dh is very supportive but I dont want to keep bringing it up and I dont really think he understands.
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Relationships
Can I ever get over being the OW?
Cantgetpastit · 24/05/2016 20:39
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