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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DH just lost it with me

79 replies

NotSpeaking · 13/02/2016 13:50

I'm about to give birth. He was blaming me because I haven't gone into labour yet. Then I asked him why everything good that happens in our lives he takes ownership for, and anything bad he blames on me. He explaIned in our relationship I had caused countless dramas, I then reminded him that I'd be very careful as he had created some major ones. Like seeing his ex behind my back in 2008, having an emotional affair and kissing a girl at his work, a few other unclear misdemeanours which took me a while to get over and I know am able to talk about it without being angry or bitter. I explained I'd rather have my dramas to deal with than the ones he had created in our
Lives. He went ballistic saying he only meant dramas as in day to day, not the other stuff he had done. How convient. Shouting infront of our daughter saying I had a choice if I wanted to stay or not and that I was bitter and if I couldn't let go he would leave. I'm not bitter at all, I was just stating facts. He would not stop shouting and I have been absolutely calm as anything. Speaking to him in a completely adult fashion while he absolutely lost it.
Am I supposed to pretend it never happened or not correct him when his facts are incorrect. When I corrected him when he was recalling events, saying it was 2010 the last time, I reminded him the last incident was actually 2013, he lost it again. I didn't. Sat completely calm. Is he an idiot or should I not being stuff like this up anymore, even though he is saying I create drama in our lives, when in actually factual terms, stuff he has done nearly tore us to Pieces.

OP posts:

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Twitterqueen · 13/02/2016 13:56

Why are you with this hateful man who clearly has absolutely no liking or respect for you?

Seriously - get out. You're bringing another child into a poisonous climate and you and your DD + new baby deserve better.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 13/02/2016 13:57

What Twitterqueen said.

Missrubyring · 13/02/2016 13:59

I'm sorry I couldn't get past him blaming you for not going into labour yet ... wtf!!!

Iamdobby63 · 13/02/2016 14:00

How on earth was he blaming you for not going into labour?

Seems like you have a lot of unresolved issues, completely understandable ones I might add. Have you ever had counselling? To be fair you can't really throw this list at him to win a point or an argument.

Have the baby and at some stage afterwards discuss going to counselling. Good luck.

Chicagomd · 13/02/2016 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotSpeaking · 13/02/2016 14:02

I am over it. I'm just stating facts. If you enter into a conversation then you can't flower over some stuff because you don't like the truth. I'm not angry or upset about it anymore. I was just stating facts of our life.

The labour thing started as a bit of tongue and cheek but he starting arguing the fact weirdly and it just escalated.

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AnchorDownDeepBreath · 13/02/2016 14:02

This is finished. You know that, don't you?

He doesn't act like he likes you, let alone respects you, and he seems to blame you for everything. There's no way back from that type of resentment. Everything will always be your fault.

Your daughter doesn't deserve to grow up in that environment, or see her mum treated like that. Leave him, and have both of your children growing up somewhere better.

Casmama · 13/02/2016 14:03

Why either of you are getting into this when you are about to give birth I don't know.
You both sound like you have some issues but I would try and put them to one side for the moment.

NotSpeaking · 13/02/2016 14:03

So he can bring up stuff from years ago but I can't because it might upset him, but it's alright for him to upset me with his facts? But one sided don't you think?

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Chicagomd · 13/02/2016 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Finola1step · 13/02/2016 14:04

Focus on your baby and labour.

There is plenty of time to work out what you want once the baby is safely here. Talk to midwives about his behaviour towards you so that they can keep an eye on him if you decide to allow him in the delivery room. Good luck.

NotSpeaking · 13/02/2016 14:04

But I'm not feeling any resentment towards him lol I was just stating facts responding to his facts.

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Twitterqueen · 13/02/2016 14:07

Op you clearly don't like him anymore than he likes you.

Why on earth are you having another baby together? A baby should come into a place of warmth and safety and love, not anger, bitterness and resentment.

Chicagomd · 13/02/2016 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KittyandTeal · 13/02/2016 14:11

I'm with missrubyring, I can't get past him blaming you for not going into labour yet. Wtaf? Does he think if you jump around and push a bit you'll induce labour?

He sounds like a monumental nob end

NotSpeaking · 13/02/2016 14:11

There's no anger, bitterness or resentment. Why can no one get this? I was stating facts responding to his. You can't rewrite history to suit your cause of argument.
I do like him. I don't like the way he responded. He doesn't like to be reminded of what he did and I can understand that.

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NotSpeaking · 13/02/2016 14:12

So he can bring things up that make me uncomfortable but I can't because it might make him uncomfortable. Ridiculous.

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DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 13/02/2016 14:13

You don't like each other very much, do you?

NotSpeaking · 13/02/2016 14:14

Yes we do lol very much actually. But I'm not sugar coating and misquoting our past to fit into his point making. Why would you?

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NotSpeaking · 13/02/2016 14:15

Don't start a conversation about the past if you are uncomfortable with it

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AyeAmarok · 13/02/2016 14:15

This doesn't sound like a very happy relationship OP.

And that sounds like it's his doing. I'd be the same as you if my DP accused me of causing trouble when actually he had several times caused huge trouble. So I get you. But some things do irreparable damage to a relationship, and it sounds like that's what he's done.

Iamdobby63 · 13/02/2016 14:17

No, neither of you should be mud slinging. This all came about by a misunderstanding... and then came the mud.

I really do think you need to just focus on having your baby and then later consider counselling - you both need to learn to keep arguments on the current topic rather than point scoring.

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NotSpeaking · 13/02/2016 14:23

Well he's gone off again. Won't let me put a word in at all and when I try to talk he just shouts over me.

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AnchorDownDeepBreath · 13/02/2016 14:23

There's no anger, bitterness or resentment. Why can no one get this?

From your side, there might not be. You were responding to his comment about you causing all the dramas, stating the dramas he had caused. If he doesn't want to be reminded of what he did, he probably shouldn't have done it in the first place.

But, you must see that the way he treats you in general shows his resentment? That he's blaming you for having not been in labour, he's not talking to you, he shouts at you in front of your children? The way that he talks to you is not just because he's angry, it's with a total lack of love and affection. Even if he's angry with you - and he shouldn't be, because you can't exactly choose when labour starts - he should behave better than this. Instead, he blames you for every inconvenience in his life. Every problem is caused by you. That's a symptom of resentment.

And as to why he classes you, and your unborn child, as an inconvenience at all...

If you're due, though, it's probably better to let him finish his strop and deal with this later.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 13/02/2016 14:24

No you really don't seem to like each other at all.

He's cheated on you ?several? times.

You think he takes on anything good and blames you for anything bad.

He thinks you're a bitter drama queen.

Arguing in front of your daughter.

Doesn't sound like even a half decent relationship. Do you think it's worth giving counselling a try? Because carrying on like this in front of your children shouldn't be an option.

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