For various reasons it was probably a sensible idea that the relationship ended. We'd been having counselling for the past three months and hadn't got very far. There were too many stumbling blocks that couldn't be overcome - finances, pulling apart from each other when things were difficult, wanting different things in life and generally making each other miserable. We decided to call it a day at the weekend. DP has moved out and is moving all her stuff out at the end of next week.
But - even though on paper it's the right thing to do, I am absolutely broken. I cannot stop crying. I cried all the way to work and have been welling up at my desk all morning. I cry at home. I cry to my friends (who are being wonderful but must frankly be sick of me and my problems). I'm taking leftover prescription co-codamol and tramadol to try and numb myself in the day. I can't eat. I can't sleep, even with sleeping tablets that the GP gave me. I can't focus on anything and the slightest thing sets me off. Just looking at DP's stuff at home, and remembering all the things we won't do together. It doesn't help that Christmas is imminent and I don't know what to do for that either.
Poor DD is having to see my sobbing every day (she's 14 - she got on well with DP and is being quite stoical, but I know she's upset). My mother has dementia, so when I told her I'd broken up with DP she was upset, but I know she probably won't remember, so I dread having to tell her time and again.
I know I'm probably depressed - I've started on antidepressants but they've not kicked in yet. I know, or at least I think I do, rationally, that things will improve. But I've never felt this awful before. When my marriage ended it was so much easier - I was quite matter of fact about it. This time, everything has fallen apart and I can't see any future. I don't want any future. I miss DP (despite all the arguments and the horrible things). It feels like the wrong decision, yet on every rational level it's the right thing to do.
Normally I'm quite good at getting on with things and getting over things. This time I literally cannot function. I am in pieces. How is this the right thing to do if it feels so ghastly?
Not sure why I'm posting really - maybe if anyone has been in a situation like this and got through it, and has any pearls of wisdom?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Absolutely distraught - relationship ended and I cannot cope with anything
FreckledLeopard · 26/11/2015 12:04
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