I've been dating a guy I met online for the last 11 months. We hit it off pretty well and things have gone quickly. It's not been without its problems, mainly around our respective dc not gelling very well but I've been very happy and could see a good future with this guy who I thought was very different from most (I know everyone thinks that).
We have both been cheated on and lied to in our previous relationships and BF made it very clear from the outset that he expected complete honesty from both of us. He even specified that he expected to be told if a guy had tried it on on nights out. And I duly obeyed his wishes.
However, over the weekend (which was a bit difficult because we had to have some in depth discussions about the future due to the DC's issues) he told me that he had bumped into an ex and she'd since been messaging him asking him if they could meet up etc. I'm not a jealous person normally and I trusted him implicitly so I wasn't too bothered but something irked a bit but I put it down to the fact that we had been having difficult conversations about the future.
However, he called me from work today to say that they didn't just bump into each other - she had invited him round to collect some stuff he'd left there (over 18 months ago). This was apparently a ruse and she had tried to kiss him. He says he pushed her away saying he had a gf. She has since been messaging him (not sure by what method as he told me he blocked her on facebook and he got a new number in the last 6 months) threatening to tell me that they'd slept together.
He met up with her last Wednesday and has only just told me this today. So he's effectively been lying since then. I have thought back to that day and he was let out early from work and called me to tell me that he was on his way. But he arrived much later than he should have and when questioned, said he'd bumped into a colleague and visited a friend.
I've asked him to send me screen shots of the messages between them but despite saying he would, he's not sent them through. I've also checked my other inbox on FB but she hasn't sent anything. He says she knows who I am but doesn't understand how 
. What makes this whole thing worse is that this isn't the first time one of his exes has threatened to tell me they were sleeping together behind my back.
He's adamant nothing has happened but it doesn't look good does it? I already feel betrayed by the fact that he delayed telling me and only did apparently as a reaction to her threats. Ive also lost a lot of respect for him since the lying has shown him to be a hypocrite if nothing else.
Not sure why I'm posting really. I'm hurt and feel like a fool for believing he was in any way different. But I'm not afraid to be on my own. So as in the title - what would you think in this situation and what would you do?
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What would you think in this situation?
DotDotDots · 27/07/2015 14:01
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
OP, he wanted YOU to be 100% because of his past (which I am now wondering if what he said it was) yet he clearly has NO intention of being 100% in return.
Hate to be so brutal but get shot of this arsehole 
and find somebody who will respect you and treat your right. Let him get on with it, he's obviously done it before. Those who are paranoid are usually the ones up to something!
Good to hear you aren't afraid to be alone - seems a lot of other ladies in these situations forgive because they are scared of being alone. I always say better to be on your own than alone in a relationship.
Thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply. It's been a really shit and emotionally exhausting day.
One of his female friends has messaged me to say she doesn't think he's done anything wrong. Then his other ex, the one that had also threatened to tell me they were sleeping together behind my back, also messaged to say she didn't think he'd done anything wrong but also acknowledged her part due to her previous threats?!?! She also said that this other ex had messaged her too. Both exes are saying this woman is a 'psycho' who likes to cause trouble. They all live in the next city over so I don't know any of them.
He then sent me the screen shots of their messages but said he had deleted the first few as apparently they've been messaging back and forth over the weekend. The only messages left were from this morning onwards. I've got to say, it looks pretty bad from the few I've seen, mostly him begging her not to stir it and her calling him a liar and a dog, but no actual admissions of what went on. According to BF, she was saying he better tell me or she would and at one point he says he has told me but she says 'what? That you just came round to say hello?'.
I don't know what to think now. It was enough for me that he had lied about being there but he's adamant that this was a mistake and he didn't realise the position he was putting himself in. He also said he was going to tell me anyway but couldn't find the right words and was worried due to the conversations we were having about the future.
I've told him I need some time and space to think and not to contact me. My head says end it but my heart wants to believe him so much. I really thought he was one of the good guys. Absolutely devastated! 
Serial, no, I have never spoken to or met either the friend or ex before. The ex that messaged me is the mother to his dc. He says he didn't ask either of them to get in touch. Both say in their messages that he's devastated and would never do anything to hurt me because he loves me so much. I never thought he'd hurt me either .
I was married to a serial cheat for 12 years so I know all too well how easily they lie. I promised myself after I left him that I would never accept that kind of behaviour again and would operate on a one strike and you're out. I just don't think there is a way back from this. I can't trust him and I know from bitter experience how painful it is to be with someone you can't trust.
Hello heartbreak, my familiar foe.
So he didn't ask the mother of his DC to get in touch and yet somehow she just contacted you out of the blue to tell you what a great guy he is? Yeah. ???? sounds to me like he's treading water as fast as he can to try and stop this one from capsizing. Usually where there's smoke there's fire
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This was apparently a ruse...
Oh please. Yes, she's Pussy Galore, and he's James Bond.
Why would she 'threaten to tell you they'd slept together', they hadn't? What on earth would be in it for her?
The classic 'women lie - especially about having had sex - and can't be believed for a second' approach. I'd dump his sorry arse for that alone, let alone the pathetic rest of it.
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