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Relationships

DH not having an affair - for now

117 replies

LaChatte · 06/07/2015 17:45

So as not to drip feed or leave vital info until the end:

DH and I have been together 11 years, married 7, 2DCs.
I cheated on him 2 years ago with a colleague, we kissed a few times, I realised how stupid I was being, and put an end to it. DH found out a couple of months later, we worked through it, I have barely spoken to collegue since (we teach the same classes so there has been some communication, but alway in public and restricted to purely professional topics), and have avoided him like the plague.
DH and I talk a lot, including sharing our fantasies with each other.

Here is the current predicament:

DH and I are both teachers in the same school. We get on really well together, he's my best friend as well as being my husband.

This year, he's been working on a project with another teacher, so they've been spending a fair amount of time together. Frequently texting and emailing each other as well as working together at school. I have tried not be jealous, but walking into the staff room to find them huddled together giggling has been difficult for me.

I've told him I don't really want him to develop their friendship but he has told me not to worry and that she's not into him at all as she's offered to babysit for us and often says to say hi to me.

I know he finds her physically very attractive, most men who've met her do, she is always quite provocative in her way of doing things - think stripper heels, side-boobs under dungarees etc. and she's always leaning over something with her back arched and bum out (other colleagues joke about it in the staff room).

Recently a couple of colleagues have lightheartedly made comments about how much time they spend together and how close they are. I told DH and said I really really don't want him to spend time alone with her or to persue the friendship.

On Thursday evening there was an end of year do at work, I was feeling pretty awful after a long day, so didn't feel like socialising, and I ended up hiding out inside while everyone else was outside eating and drinking. DH came to find me at one point to see what I was up to, he saw that I wasn't feeling well and said we should have brought two cars, and then returned to the party. I was pretty pissed off, and decided to walk home after leaving him a note. He got home at about 21h30 as 5yoDD (who was at the party) was tired. He said he would have liked to have stayed longer and that I should have said I was leaving so he could bring DD and me home then. I was still pissed off, and said he should go back to the party as I wasn't going to be great company, so he did. He crept in at 1am (school parties generally end at 22h30/23h.

The next morning I asked how come he came home so late, so he told me some colleagues went back to one of their's "for coffee" which ended up becoming coffee and lots of booze. DH had gone to the after party in someone else's car, so couldn't leave earlier than when that driver was ready. Fair enough. He didn't drink, but said that everyone else got pretty wasted (not the person driving him though).

I then asked who was at the after party, he reeled off a couple of names, and then of course I'm sure you've guessed it, the colleague. I was annoyed, as she was there, on her own, with him on his own. She has a reputation for being outrageously flirty when she's drunk, but DH said he had never noticed. Anyway, I tried to move on and be mature about it.

Later on that day, back in the staff room, she walks in, sees DH but not me, and says "so, you see. I talk too much, even at night don't I?" Flirty giggling followed by "I hope I didn't get you into too much trouble". DH replied very quietly "you did" while furiously making gestures for her to be quiet as I was just the other side of the cupboard.

He came over to me saying it wasn't what I thought it was, so I asked what was I supposed to think, he just said that she had car pooled with him and the colleague driving to the after party, and that when they got back to the school car park, the driver dropped them off and left. He said they stayed and chatted just the two of them for a while in a dark secluded car park (he was incapable of telling me for how long).

He swears nothing has or ever will happen. I have said he either cuts contact with her or ... He is now sad because he thinks she's really nice and just wants to make friends, but he admits that the only way she seems to know how to do that is by seducing people. He doesn't want to hurt her, and thinks she won't know why he won't be his usual self around her, which he feels bad about.

It's the summer holidays here now, so I don't have to worry much until September, I have asked him to tell me if she gets in touch with him, which he's agreed to, but he's suddenly got quite cagey with his mobile which is very unusual. I don't know what to do, maybe I'm totally overreacting, he thinks I am.

Part of me thinks it's karma, and I totally deserve it (well, I probably do), but I don't want DH to have an affair to balance things out! What really annoys me is that he gets on so well with her as well as wanting to fuck her.

I need to get a grip and move on don't I? I am bloody lucky he was willing to give our relationship a chance after I fucked up.

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pocketsaviour · 06/07/2015 18:03

Do you believe him when he says nothing happened? Given the sudden phone surreptitiousness?