There are many extremely good reasons for us not to try and have another baby.
We would struggle to afford it right now (though that might change in the future).
DH has a disability which he in particular is desperately keen to NOT pass on to a future child; our DD hasn't inherited the disability, it appears, and so there is a huge part of us that thinks we shouldn't try again in case the situation is different next time (Fwiw I have no problem at all with having a child with a disability but DH has his own issues about it and also it would be a big burden on DD if we were to have a child with this disability)
I am not in physically great shape to go through another pregnancy and, at 39, not sure I want to go through it all again at this stage.
And, even if this weren't all the case, I just don't think I want a second child. DD feels 'enough' for me, she is wonderful and I adore her. But I am not the most patient person and though I am very good at dealing with one (high-maintenance!!) child, I think I would struggle with the pressure of adding a second child, with their own demands, into the mix. I fear I would become a very different mum to the (generally) calm and patient mum I currently am to DD (2.5) and would transform into a bad-tempered harpy instead. I know my limits, is what I am really saying, and I think one child is probably that limit.
BUT... DD is just at the age where she is starting to notice other children's brothers and sisters... she has a Spot the Dog book where he has a baby sister and she wants to read it incessantly... when she plays with her dolls they are all 'sisters'... it is making my heart ache for her that I don't think a sibling is something we are going to be able to give her.
It doesn't help that my own mum always wildly idealised the sibling relationship (to the detriment of good friends, as she always thought me and my siblings being there for each other was WAY more important than having good friends; I think possibly down to her own very bad relationship with her sister, sisterhood became something she idealised) so I find it hard to ignore that little voice (my mother's voice!!!) in my head telling me that DD will be lonely, that she will never have someone who has her back at all costs, that she will miss out on the closeness of a sibling relationship.
Part of me knows I'm being silly, I know plenty of people who loathe their siblings or just don't really get on with them, but this is as adults usually. I feel awful that we are choosing not to give DD this special relationship (or at least the opportunity for it). I can't stop thinking how much she would adore a little disciple (she is a bit of a diva!) to hang on her every word and look up to her, and for her to pass on her 'wisdom' (ha!) to a little brother or sister...
I'm idealising it all again, aren't I???
I think it's just that as time ticks by I know that this is going to become a certain decision, and I hadn't anticipated DD being interested in the whole sibling thing. Obviously she hasn't asked for a 'baby sister' or anything yet, but I dread that happening, and more to the point, I dread the thought of her going through life feeling as if she has been denied something that would have enriched it.
fwiw DH and I are both quite fun-loving, messing-about parents so it's not as if she has to live in some sort of Victorian misery and loneliness... we play/interact with her constantly and she is just a total delight. We just love hanging out with her (tantrums notwithstanding!!)
I lurk on this board a lot and the advice on here is so often fantastic that it would be great to get some perspective, one way or the other!!!
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Relationships
I don't think I want another baby. But I feel so guilty about my DD
DuchessOfWeaseltown · 24/06/2015 22:01
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