DP and I decided to move in together three months ago (together for a year before that)
All was great, getting on wonderfully, so in love (i thought)
Literally within a week of setting up home together i caught him messaging and phoning other women from a well known online dating site.
Looking back, the signs were there, pretty sure he was talking & texting another woman even on the night we moved in to the new house as he kept disappearing for long conversations until i finally snapped at him to give it a rest & help me finish unloading the removal van...at 1 in the morning.
Stupid old trusting, non interfering stupid cow that i am!
The most upsetting thing has been that, once caught he wasn't sorry/contrite/apologetic at all. Just told me to like it or lump it basically.
We are both tied in to a rental agreement for a minimum of 12 months and are therefore jointly & severally liable for rent & bills & upkeep of the house.
I had resigned myself to the fact that i'd just have to stick it out until the year is up but now i fear my mental health won't survive that long.
DP now seems to have no feelings whatsoever, just cold, calculated....well, evil is what i've come to call it now.
He has started briging women back to the house, sometimes for entire weekends, insists on sharing his relationship woes with me (unless i stay in my room or go out, he follows me around, talking at me constantly & no amount of telling him i don't want to hear it stops him)
His loud phone conversations with various women that often go on until 4 am keep me awake & if i've managed to fall asleep more often than not wake me up. All of the cleaning, gardening, arranging maintenance for the house etc falls to me, he pays his share of the rent & bills & that's where his contribution ends.
He refuses to lift a finger & if i dare pull him up on that i get a lecture on how much he does around the place, lists jobs he hasn't done & makes out i'm the one who never does anything.
I can't take this for another nine whole months, its destroying my mental health but, no matter how many options I think of I end up at a dead end & total spaghetti head.
Keep thinking about talking to my landlord & seeing if he would allow me to replace myself with a lodger instead but keep coming back to the fact that I signed a contract and the state of my relationship is not the Landlords concern, his only concern is that the rent is paid on time & the house & garden kept in a good state (quite rightly so, he's not a counselling service or a charity at the end of the day!)
Plus, i'm pretty sure that even if a lodger replacement was an option DP (suppose i ought to call him ex DP) would baulk at being asked to live wit a stranger and would make life even more awkward than he is now.
Has anyone experienced this sort of situation before (having to live with a total arse due to contractual obligations? Any tips on how to keep sane until escape IS possible?
Sorry if this all sound totally jumbled & disconnected, no one in RL to talk to & if I put too much detail down this will get really long & lift the lid completely on the box marked 'shitty stuff that is happening' where i've filed most of the emotions connected with this until I 'unpack' it in safety.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
The mask came off 3 months ago, stuck now, advice really appreciated
N0Way0ut · 18/06/2015 22:51
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