About a year ago I heard about a campaign on twitter where women were holding up signs saying why they didn't leave their abusive partner. It was things like 'because he'd track me down and kill me', 'because I had no where to go' and 'because he slept in front of the door so I couldn't get out'.
The point of the campaign was to stop making the abuse the women's fault for putting up with it. The point is less, why don't women leave, more why won't abusive men let women leave. Or even, why don't men stop abusing women?
Reading that campaign made me feel so much better about myself. I've been on mumsnet loads, and every little thing I write hoards of people are telling me to leave that night.
I have left 3 times and been homeless twice, once with a 9month old baby, and once when pregnant with a little toddler. It was so unbelievably awful, that it was a welcome relief to get back into my own house.
My husband is still horrific, and I demand a divorce every night, but no way is he letting me go. I see the disgust on my friends faces when I tell them what he's like. But their disgust is for me not leaving. These are friends who saw when I was homeless before - where am I supposed to go when I've got a job to hold down and 2 toddlers to support?
This threat is less about what do I do, I'm now finally getting support through women's aid. But it's about people on hearing of the problem saying 'just leave'. It's not helpful, as it makes the woman feel wretched when she can't leave, as she thinks its her own fault.
Instead ask 'how can you arrange to get away from him?' It's a small difference, but it helps her work through exploring her options.
Is anyone with me here?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can we have some support on 'why women don't leave?'
74 replies
Darcey2105 · 23/01/2015 15:33
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.