Me and my boyfriend went away for the weekend. On the journey back home yesterday (which was an approximately 2 and half hour drive which he did) he complained of being tired and bad back etc. We stopped off at a service station so that he could get 5 minutes kip because he felt he might fall asleep at the wheel if he didn't. I told him I would pop to the loo and did he want a coffee/sandwich etc. I went to the loo first, then went and got him a coffee. The lid was not put on properly and spilled hot coffee all over my hand so popped into the bathroom again to run cold water over it. Anyway when I got to the car he was really annoyed asking why I had taken so long so I explained that there had been a queue at Starbucks and also that I had spilled hot coffee all over my hand so wanted to run cold water over it. He then said that he didn't want it as it been into the ladies bathroom and therefore it was unhygienic. I told him that I had not been to the loo, only to wash my hand and it had only been near the sinks etc. He was going to throw it away but I told him no, I had just bought it for him so he should drink it- which he did. He didn't say thank you for the coffee and only asked if my hand was OK until later on.
Anyway we start our journey again and he complains of a bad back, to which I start rubbing his back and he asks for a massage when we get back. I say yes, I can give you a massage. He then has a go at me for not offering one first saying that he always offers to give me a massage and that he should not have to always ask for one. I tell him I was going to offer anyway but he got there first and he said he didn't believe me. He says this is further evidence of me not being very empathetic to his needs.
He had been in a grump earlier after we had had quite a long walk near where were staying. We had for most of the walk walked together, chatting etc but on the final leg to the car park we had to go up a narrow winding roadside which made it difficult to walk side by side. I ended up walking a bit in front of him and this upset him because it made it look like we might of had a falling out. He had a go at me because he had mentioned this before in previous walks and that I should remember this.
He had been unwell last week with a D & V virus. He said that I was uncaring towards him because I did not offer to come round to look after him, bring him food/medicines etc. I have a 3 yo DD who I look after full time on my own and it would be quite a slog for us to get to his from where we live. Also he described his illness to me and I thought I don't want to run the risk of either of us catching it so didn't offer. But I think I got the tone from him when I spoke to him when he was ill that it would be best for us not to come.
I know this is all quite petty but it is not out of character for my boyfriend of 8 months to be like this. It irks me because I don't like the accusation that I am unempathetic towards him as he often does things repeatedly that get on my nerves which I tell him all the time. He complains if I seemingly don't help him - but doesn't remember all the times I have done nice things for him like offering massages in the past if he's had a bad day, or helping him tidy the kitchen, cooking for him, looking after him after a recent operation etc.
He will often get annoyed if I haven't done something he needs help with. I told him that I am not a psychic and that sometimes he needs to ask, otherwise I won't know. Also usually when he does 'ask' if comes out all angry and hostile which makes me not really want to help. For example I didn't like the feeling of 'having' to give him a massage. I otherwise consider myself to be reasonably helpful in that I will help/offer to help if I can see something needs doing.
Sorry this is so long, its just its weighing on me and also would like some MN views on who is being unreasonable.
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Relationships
My boyfriend said I'm not very empathetic to his needs
191 replies
toomanybooksnotenoughspace · 01/12/2014 08:35
OP posts:
brokenhearted55a ·
01/12/2014 08:49
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
AnyFucker ·
01/12/2014 08:57
Are your standards so low that you think this tedious little twat is worth your time ? 
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