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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

How would you deal with this?

64 replies

ontheedgeagain · 04/10/2014 00:52

Dh has been looking at teenage porn, found it accidentally. I am really uncomfortable with this as we have a dd the same age, I just cant get my head around why a fifty plus male would look at this stuff. Made me look at dh in whole new light. Really affected my relationship with him, just so wrong.

OP posts:

Report

bunchoffives · 04/10/2014 01:04

I would report him to the police. Looking at images of child abuse is illegal.

I would then leave him, divorce and tell everyone I knew why. I would also fight hard for him not to see any DC>

Sorry

LondonRocks · 04/10/2014 01:06

Teenage "porn" is child abuse.

It's not porn.

Call the police.

SugarAndSpice126 · 04/10/2014 01:16

Well no it's not illegal unless they actually are teenagers - it's not child porn if it's called teenage but the real people are over 18... Still icky though, I wouldn't like it. How young are these teenagers in the videos Op?

LondonRocks · 04/10/2014 01:28

If they're 13, 14 or 15, it's child abuse.

I would argue that under 18 is really dodgy.

That leaves 19 as an 'acceptable' age for those ago like that sort of thing, then...

LondonRocks · 04/10/2014 01:28

*who

VanGogh · 04/10/2014 01:34

How old are the girls in the images?

AcrossthePond55 · 04/10/2014 01:49

If you are sure (or as sure as you can be) that the girls in the images are underaged, then you have a duty to report him.

If they are 'playing young' meaning they are over age but the intent is that they are supposed to BE underaged, then it's still pretty sick IMO, but not illegal. Sick because it means that the viewer has an attraction to young girls but is satisfying it in a 'legal' way.

Have you confronted him with this?

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 04/10/2014 08:08

I left an XDP for this. I thought we had a brilliant relationship, been together three years, talking about marriage and then I was cleaning and discovered his stash of magazines from abroad. Innocent me saw the name of the top one which was called 'Hebe Love' and I knew he wasn't into gardening and the picture on the front was NOT a shrub! I looked and realised that some of the girls were barely pubescent and the mags were well read. I left. There had been a previous incident which he had explained to my almost satisfaction and we moved on until this. I could not even look at his face without seeing the faces of the children in the mags. A sort of 'what's going on'. look - bless them. I also couldn't look at his face without wanting to smack it with an iron. I was out as soon as I could pack and warm the engine of the car.

ontheedgeagain · 04/10/2014 08:34

Hard to know if it illegal, I only saw 2 searches in history for teen porn, on porn hub, seen these threads so often. Didn't think I would be posting. Really disgusted and disappointed. He wont talk about it, he very good at compartmentalizing his life. I am so mad, no one in rl to talk to. I knew he looked at porn occasionally, wasn't this sort of porn though. I need to get mad with him dont I?

OP posts:

Laphem · 04/10/2014 08:40

Dinnae that is dreadful. That stuff really was child abuse. Good on you for dumping your dp. I think you showed remarkable restraint in not actually smacking him in the face with an iron.

ontheedgeagain · 04/10/2014 08:47

Dinnae hope you happy now, just so crap isn't it, feel like the carpet been pulled out from under me again. Just cant get passed we have dd that age, what the hell is he thinking?

OP posts:

Whatthefucknow · 04/10/2014 09:00

How awful for you.
What do you think he is thinking?
What could it be other than he is fantasising about having sex with girls your daughters age. Probably he is turned on by fantasising about her or her friends. Grim.

ontheedgeagain · 04/10/2014 09:19

Across the pond no not confronted him properly, have told him I am disgusted with him, an that was it! No discussion, nothing. Which has made me even madder. Not a reporting issue, this stuff freely available. I have to have it out with him.

OP posts:

Twinklestein · 04/10/2014 09:32

If the porn is legal then the girls will be over 18 but look younger. However I don't think it's possible to be sure that all the girls in the teen categories posted on porn hub, youporn and the like are over 18. Neither is it possible to be sure none of them are trafficked. Teenagers are particularly vulnerable to trafficking even within their own country.

I'm not as hardline about porn as some women, although there is no disputing the appalling damage it does, however for me teen porn is a nono and absolutely dumpable. I remember the adult men who hit on us as teens and I despise them as much now as then.

I would ask him how he thinks his daughter would feel if she knew he was getting off on images of teenage girls.

FolkGirl · 04/10/2014 09:34

I would kick him out for this.

You say you have a daughter the same age. Not only do you owe it to your daughter, but all of her friends, too, and their parents who trust that their daughters will be safe at your house and not think their daughter's friend's dad is perving over them.

Which he will be if that is his taste.

Quitelikely · 04/10/2014 09:35

This would make me question everything.

I have just asked my dh about this as he occasionally watches porn. He said that it is a very risky search term to put in google and that most men would be aware that it might throw up some illegal things.

The thing that is gross here is that he was searching for teenage porn and you have a teen living with you.

You need to address this ASAP.

Quitelikely · 04/10/2014 09:38

The thing is though that even if the girls in the porn are 18 or over he was searching for teen girls which I would interpret as him looking for young looking girls. So that's what turns him on. Young girls.

LondonRocks · 04/10/2014 09:52

So, what will you do?

Just wait and see?

You can speak to the police in RL. How would your daughter feel on seeing these?!

I'm sorry you're going through this.

ontheedgeagain · 04/10/2014 10:00

Good point about asking him how is daughter would feel twinkle, I will do that, I may even resort to using this thread if I have too, I don't wont too as looks like Im going to need mn to retain my sanity. Quite The young girls thing is what I cant get past, at his age he should have more sense, but think this has been going on a long time, so he is conditioned to what he gets off on.?? Cant see any way forward from this.

OP posts:

Quitelikely · 04/10/2014 10:06

Well if you can't find the words OP show him this thread sharpish.

I think there is something quite perverted about him seeking out young girls when one is living in your house!

He has crossed a line and indeed the police would confiscate your pc and trace the websites he has been looking at to determine whether he is looking at underage porn.

Quitelikely · 04/10/2014 10:07

You have to protect your daughter. No question about that.

Quitelikely · 04/10/2014 10:08

And if it's been going on a long time he's on a slippery slope to something rather unpleasant!

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Castlemilk · 04/10/2014 10:15

Oh, he won't talk about it?

How about you report him to the police and they can check out the hard drive to check that no illegal material has been accessed?

Perhaps that will focus his mind a little?

Twinklestein · 04/10/2014 10:28

I don't think he is conditioned actually. It's a taste not all men have and he could have resisted it but chose to indulge it. If anyone tried the 'conditioned' line with paedophilia it just wouldn't wash.

LondonRocks · 04/10/2014 12:00

The way forward is to do something.

He's not a robot. He made a choice.

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