Any constructive criticism/advice/opinions welcomed.
My partner and I have been together for 13 years but have separate houses and live together part time. We are both 50 and have a joint business.
I feel I have been living in limbo for years because he will not move in with me (doesn't like the area) and I do not like his house because he lives right on a busy main road, the house is small and requires lots of renovation work (still has the original 40 yr old carpets/curtains from the previous occupant, dry rot etc). He doesn't give a damn about the state of the house because he never intended making it his permanent home and he will not buy a house with me in this area.
I am Welsh, he is English and although he has lived half his life in Wales he hates it here. Our relationship has been strained because of his racism - always slagging off Welsh people for their faults, and the country because it rains a lot, there is no money or opportunity here (he says), nothing to do, nowhere to go etc.
He is desperate to return to England when his last child goes to college in 2 years and says he will leave with or without me. It is all he talks about and he is counting down the days. I do not get a choice in the move, it has to be the South East where he originally came from. He has no plans, no idea of where he will live or what he will do as long as he is not here. He is struggling financially and believes there is more money in the South.
I would consider moving with him if I felt he was 100% committed to me. But it is difficult when someone tells you they wish they had never met you because you 'trapped' them here and you have not 'advanced' their standard of living.
His constant moaning is spoiling my life and he is angry that I won't help him financially to make the move by selling my house. My problem is that I don't really want to move now because I have friends here and my only remaining family - no siblings or kids - is my mother in her 80's in good health but frail. I like the area where I live as it is near a national park, not far from the coast, has lovely countryside and good road links.
Admitedly, the weather is better in Kent/Sussex and they are closer to the Channel for ease of travelling. But property is expensive and I would feel guilty leaving my mother alone. That doesn't concern him because he can't stand her and she doesn't like him.
He has no hobbies or interests,doesn't socialise, doesn't get involved with anything and is continually referring to getting older. I know he is also depressed but he blames me for his state of mind which is only made better by smoking 'exotic' substances.
My friends think I would be mad to move away with someone so unreliable and don't understand why he can't appreciate what he has. He has no qualms about leaving behind his kids, grandkids or mother.
I am getting depressed with this whole scenario and feel like running away myself! Maybe he is right and I have wasted my life in this 'backwater'. However I have a feeling he would not be happy anywhere because he is always moaning about getting older, not being wealthy, envying other people. He has spent 10 years playing the 'when/then' game - when I am wealthy/have a boat/fast car/5 holidays a year/live in England then I'll be happy.I dread the thought of being left alone as he loves me and I love him. Would I regret not moving? Or have I wasted my time with nothing to show for it - no house together or kids or marriage - and I should move on.
Apologies for the long post but I am devasted for the way things have turned out and depressed for the future.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Major problem - partner wants to move location and I don't.
starshine1926 · 02/09/2014 12:49
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