We rely on advertising to keep the lights on.

Please consider adding us to your whitelist.



Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

rebuilding with DH after affair

(127 Posts)
HollieHelen Thu 15-Aug-13 13:05:36

DH and I are going through some really tough times after I (stupidly and unforgivably) got involved with high-school sweetheart from 18 years ago.
This is now all over, OM and I are not in touch any more, DH and I have talked everything through. I know he is hurting badly, but I am struggling as to how to acknowledge his hurt on a daily basis whilst also trying to keep up a semblance of normality for DC.
Also, I am really struggling reconnecting with DH physically. Bottom line, I am not attracted to him. I was before I allowed myself to look elsewhere so I know I need to rediscover that for his sake but not sure how??
DH wants us to have more couple time and for everything not to revolve around DC. I want this too and we are going to move house to be closer to family for more help with this, but in the short term what can I do – do at home date nights work?!

HH xx

westcoastmum33 Tue 17-Sep-13 05:21:28

I think it might be helpful to realise that your DH is in mourning for a relationship that he valued and has lost. Your relationship will never be the same. I think you now need to help hold carry his pain, just as you two have endured the hard parts of parenting and found joy in the best parts. So next time he opens up to you, maybe try to not apologise and just listen and sit through the pain with him. He needs to feel like he's connected and that you two can be a team again so be courageous and mourn the loss of the relationship you two once had with him so you can clear the ground for a new relationship.

HollieHelen Wed 18-Sep-13 09:40:40

Wedding anniversary yesterday. Really glad to have had that talk with DH the night before and cleared the air a bit. I suggested relationship counselling, but he would rather work through things ourselves for now.

Also saw GP who prescribed a new and stronger cream for my soreness issues, which seems to be working (miracle, after 18+ months suffering with this!!!). Am literally sending GP a thank you card today, I'm so grateful.

Looking forward to moving forward ...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now