Am a lapsed regular. Life got in the way so I haven't been around for some time.
I say life got in the way, but not to the extent that I took the trouble to water the garden of love, so to speak. We have a pre-school DA and have been together for over a decade. The love of my life and the only decent man I have ever had a relationship with. Soul mates, we were. Otherwise I would never have had his child., especially since we are not married. He adored me too.
Anyway we had the absolute best relationship ever. There is an age gap but we had so much in common it never mattered. I was even smart enough for a while to determine that I would not make the and mistakes as others I had read about on here and let the relationship get into a rut, especially after DS was born. You'll have heard the rest before; for the last 6 months we have been extinguishing the spark - me refusing sex because I couldn't be arsed and am too fat to feel sexy, both of us spending our evenings engrossed in our own little flckering screens, not talking, not listening, never going out or making time for each other. I knew it was happening and did nothing.
This culminated, as is so often the case, in a row on NYE when he said he hadn't been happy for a while and I stupidly said let's split up then. He offered some pretty lame excuses as to why we shouldn't and when we spoke again the next day I suggested we should try to get the spark back and see whether we can't make it work as DS will be absolutely devastated by us splitting. I can't emphasise enough how happy and secure he is and how much he loves his dad and how much of a shock if things change.
Problem is, DP doesn't want to try. He says he still loves me, can't imagine leaving etc but when the subject is raised he says he doesn't know what he wants anymore , and we all know what that means. I think he has decided it is over in his head but is finding it hard to take the final step. We agreed to make an effort in yet another tearful late night converstion and I have been, affectionate and all the rest , but its all one way. He is making no effort. Will respond to sexual overtures but thats it.
So after a few days of this I am starting to feel desperate and clingy and like I should stop and just tell him to go. It is clerly what he wants. There's no one else involved on either side.
Besides everyhing else I do love him to bits and now that the loss is staring me in the face I want it back. The main thing though is that I fel like I have let DS down so terribly and I cannot bear to put him through the heartache of us splitting.
What do I do now? I have tried talking to DP, tried to get him to admit what he wants but we are now stuck in a horrible awkward painful limbo here. Whatever I am doing is wrong.
Anyone got any sage words? Am hanging by a thread here, ladies.
Fuck it, he just walked in and caught me crying. Got to go.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I don't want to be boilerwoman
Ihatexmas · 06/01/2013 12:14
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