So, have suspected dh uses porn for a long time. I've almost caught him at it a few times. Then a couple of nights ago I asked to borrow his phone as mine had run out, cue "erm yeah in a minute" . So this morning I had a sneaky peek at his phone and he'd not been so quick to delete this time. Lots and lots of links to 'pornhub'. We have 2 young children, so I told him he needed to be more careful with what he left on his phone and we would talk about it later. He grabbed his phone to look at what I'd seen, but I had deleted the internet history. He said sorry.
I have avoided him all day but I've just had a look at pornhub. I am clearly completely fucking naive and prudish but I thought it was disgusting, really graphic, made me feel ill and I cannot believe the man I have known and loved for nearly 20 years gets off on this. There are lots of other issues with sex in our marriage, but I think this might have actually finished us off. I'm devastated. Sorry for this long list but I need to offload all the stuff swirling round my head:
He's looked at internet porn before, a very long time ago, I was really upset about it. So I have issues that he's doing it again
We rarely have sex since DC2 was born over a year ago. I had horrible injuries from the birth and even though I am reasonably ok now, I still feel hideous and don't want sex. I have tried to talk to him about this and he wouldn't. He hasn't pushed me for sex. I stupidly thought he was a lovely bloke who was giving me some space while I got over this.
I'm scared by what I saw (nothing illegal I don't think) but freaked me out, I feel like I don't know him. I can't look at him and really don't want to be near him, especially not sex. The thought of even undressing in front of him now feels awful. I'm worried by the frequency of it. He is often keen for me to have an early night. I'm worried about what other things he's looked at. And what he thinks about when we are together, or when we have sex, or when he looks at me.
We have 2 young girls. Somehow this makes it worse in my head. I find him pretty disgusting right now.
He's back home now so can't post anymore, but please help. I am overreacting right? I will get over this right? Please tell me what to do, I know I need to talk to him but I can't trust anything he tells me. My lovely marriage is in a mess. Please help
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Relationships
Another 'caught dh with porn' thread but I'm a right fucking mess
WhatAGreatBigPileOfCrap · 14/10/2012 16:23
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