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To fat to go on a date

(56 Posts)
whatever17 Sun 03-Jul-11 00:17:53

I know a bloke who lives near my Mum and Dad. He works near them and runs into Mum quite a lot and I chat to him now and then if I see him.

He does some freelance gardening on the side and I asked him to come and do mine. We had a nice chat at mine when he was there and then I texted him to say, thanks, great job. He phoned me as soon as I had texted and we had a chat. A bit of a laugh and he said he didnt know how to text.

I texted him a week later and said a friend wanted help in her garden, could I pass on his details. He phoned straight away again and we chatted and laughed for about an hour. However, I was a bit pissed.

Then he said "when are we gonna get together then?"

I said "oh I have a busy w/e with the kids but could do Monday"

He said, "great".

BUT - I am a size 22-24. I used to be a trim-ish 16 (slimmish but big tits) then I had a horrific break up and went mental and stayed indoors and ate and drank for Great Britain. I haven't had sex in 5 years.

I don't think I can go on a date with him. It might go fine, then what? I can't take my clothes off.

madhattershouse Sun 03-Jul-11 00:19:42

He already knows what you look like so whats the problem? Have a fun time and take things slowly, a date does not have to end in jumping into bed!

geraldinetheluckygoat Sun 03-Jul-11 00:20:45

OF COURSE YOU CAN!! it will be fine. Honest. The bloke is phoning, and staying on the phone for an hour as soon as you text. Youve met, he likes what he sees. It'll be fine grin He likes you!!!

whatever17 Sun 03-Jul-11 00:21:09

Mad - I know, there will be no bed. I'm just so out of practice. I haven't had sex since I have been huge.

fortyplus Sun 03-Jul-11 00:22:51

Lots of guys like 'cuddly' women. He obviously loves your personality and is attracted to you. DO NOT mention anything about being fat - he clearly doesn't think of you that way! wink

shesgotherlipstickon Sun 03-Jul-11 00:22:52

With all due respect, at a 22-24, he will know your size anyway. He's not going to expect you to be wearing 7 layers of clothes, your size won't be a shock.

He likes what he sees, so go for it.

madhattershouse Sun 03-Jul-11 00:23:09

Going out will be fun! Sounds like you need a confidence boost and a date is a great way of "getting out there". Just try to think of it like going out with a new friend, it will be fine.

whatever17 Sun 03-Jul-11 00:30:00

I feel like turning up and saying "sorry I am so fat, I used to be OK". I have said I want to just be casual and have a couple of drinks. I don't actually have any "dating" clothes any more.

whatever17 Sun 03-Jul-11 00:31:15

Also, will have to work on not being too "chummy" - ie compensating by being "jolly".

Ganshee Sun 03-Jul-11 00:32:36

Oh, whatever17, life is for enjoying and, you know, you are probably your worst critic. You really need to get out there and get your life back in gear. He's obviously seen what you look like and he WANTS MORE!

If you don't feel comfortable the way you are then do something about it. Exercise more - reduce portion size - eat little and often - you just need to motivate yourself a little more.

Basically though, as madhattershouse mentioned, you need a confidence boost and you can help yourself by changing your lifestyle a little more and enjoying what this man can offer.

He obviously likes what he sees otherwise he wouldnt have asked you out so, take chance and go for it. Five years without sex?? You must be desperate for action and this lucky fellow is going to be in for the ride of his life. ENJOY!

madhattershouse Sun 03-Jul-11 00:32:42

Something smart/casual will don't need to wear something that you are not comfortable in..he is already aware of your size. You are you, now, not "then" and it's NOW he has asked you out!

whatever17 Sun 03-Jul-11 00:32:52

shesgother -that made me laugh. I could remove 19 layers of clothing and say "surprise, I'm a size 8 really, just get a bit chilly sometimes".

Selks Sun 03-Jul-11 00:35:23

He obviously fancies you, or he wouldn't want to go out with you. Just go for it and don't think about the clothes taking-off bit. That'll take care of it's self if events go that way eventually. Just enjoy it - don't over think it.

whatever17 Sun 03-Jul-11 00:39:23

I think he must fancy me or he wouldn't have said "when are we gonna get together then?"

I asked my bff today if blokes just do that for company and she laughed. I think it could be the motivation to get off my arse and lose weight.

I hate being this fat. I don't mind being a bit "sturdy" (14 - 16) but this is nuts. It sounds stupid, the bloke and break up that I went this nuts over - I think I might not recognise him in the street now. I just got into a rut.

Now I feel shy all the time.

piprabbit Sun 03-Jul-11 00:39:46

" I haven't had sex since I have been huge."

Ummmm, it works the same way no matter what your size grin.

And what happened to not having sex on a first date? Wait for a date when you can change into something vairrry sexy wink wink [nudge] [nudge].

whatever17 Sun 03-Jul-11 00:43:41

piprabbit - with all due respect I don't think it would work the same way. For instance I would not want to bounche around on top of the poor bloke, might kill him.

What if my fanny has also got fat?

piprabbit Sun 03-Jul-11 00:46:44


With all due respect - it does.

Alambil Sun 03-Jul-11 00:47:39

inside won't have changed lol

I'm slightly bigger than you (24 flat) and can "do it" so I'm sure you can too!

The bloke's seen you already... there's no issue here except in your own self-belief.

FabbyChic Sun 03-Jul-11 00:51:59

Hey maybe this is the push you need to lose some weight? At least you are thinking about it, it would certainly give your self esteem a boost.

Why not just try cutting down on stuff daily, I bet you could do it.

whatever17 Sun 03-Jul-11 00:56:55

Fabby - I think you are right. I went along to superdrug today and bought footcream and moustache bleach etc. All sorts of stuff that I haven't bothered about for years. Will do my eyebrows properly tomorrow and will replace my old knickers.

Just another step is to eat less and do more.

Obviously I hate being this way and I am 42 so is not good for me either.

I think as we have known each other for a while then I could keep it very slow until I have lost some weight and feel better.

surelynottrue Sun 03-Jul-11 00:58:10

He knows what you look like, don't see why you are giving yourself a headache after a guy expresses interest.

whatever17 Sun 03-Jul-11 00:59:18

surely - because I am really nervous! First date in 5 years.

surelynottrue Sun 03-Jul-11 01:01:44

Just keep reminding yourself that he has always known what size you are so that is not a factor.

Laquitar Sun 03-Jul-11 01:57:41

Try to remember to have good posture.

And have great time!

huffythethreadslayer Sun 03-Jul-11 02:07:01

Whatever, you sound funny...that's way more attractive than anything else any woman could offer. This guy likes you for you. He's not after a stick insect or a supermodel. He finds you attractive. Enjoy it. If men didn't like an alternative to the damned role models we get pushed in our faces every day, a huge proportion of us would be stuffed.

Also, bear in mind, anyone who has been without sex for a while is going to be nervous. God, I get a bit tense when DH hasn't shagged me for a couple of weeks...and we've been married nearly 20 years now smile


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