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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Herpes

81 replies

TalesOfTheUnexpected · 02/07/2011 14:39

Nice......NOT! :)

So, last boyfriend ended up giving me herpes. He had a cold sore, we stupidly had oral sex and I ended up with quite a nasty infection on my fanjo

The GUM clinic said as it was HSV1 (i.e. oral herpes), and because it was HSV1 I would be unlikely to get another outbreak. If it had been HSV2 (genital herpes), that would have been bad news.

So what do I tell my new partner? Keep quiet and say nothing? or tell them I'm probably infected with something they may catch (and then they will run a bloody mile).

OP posts:

Report

kalo12 · 02/07/2011 14:46

not sure, i guess see how it goes for a bit.

in the meantime, try virgin coconut oil. eat it, a teaspoon a day, or cook with it. buy the biona make from health stores. google it now - the benefits of virgin coconut oil - it cures herpes!

shesgotherlipstickon · 02/07/2011 14:51

So what do I tell my new partner? Keep quiet and say nothing? or tell them I'm probably infected with something they may catch (and then they will run a bloody mile).

Please tell me this thread is a joke. He has a right to make that choice, you can't keep this from him as condoms do not protect always against herpes strains.

You can't keep it from him, that's disgusting.

TalesOfTheUnexpected · 02/07/2011 14:52

Thanks, I'll look into that.

OP posts:

strawberryjelly · 02/07/2011 14:53

TBH you might get more response on the health forum here.

There was a very long thread about herpes a while back if you search.

It seemed to be saying that there is no real difference between either type .
As for coconut oil being a cure- if it was, why would the NHS not prescribe it?

I think you need to re-assess what you were told and really find out the odds of transmission - you getting another outbreak does not necessarily mean you cannot infect others as viral shedding- without symptoms- is one of the horrible facts of herpes.

If there is any chance you could infect others even when you do not have symptoms then I think you have to be honest.

TalesOfTheUnexpected · 02/07/2011 14:58

no, it's not a joke, and yes I know it's disgusting!

OP posts:

LilQueenie · 02/07/2011 15:03

you always inform a partner. Cant beleive you had to ask.

shesgotherlipstickon · 02/07/2011 15:03

Then you are the lowest of the low. You can't "cure" herpes, once a carrier, always a carrier.

As you said, So what do I tell my new partner? Keep quiet and say nothing? or tell them I'm probably infected with something they may catch (and then they will run a bloody mile)

A decent person would know what to do. It's awful you could mess with someone's health like this, it's sick.

kalo12 · 02/07/2011 15:16

'as for coconut oil being a cure - why don't the nhs prescribe it'

how unenlightened!

lazarusb · 02/07/2011 16:46

I have suffered from oral herpes for years. I am on my 3rd bout in 6 weeks at the moment. As soon as I notice anything (no longer get the 'tingling' because my lips were so damaged by childhood bouts) I don't kiss or indulge in oral sex, I use seperate towels, glasses, cutlery etc.

To prevent attacks, use a lip balm with a sunscreen and keep healthy. As soon as my immune system flags it tends to crop up. As for your new partner, tell him. Trust me, you don't want to pass it on.

TalesOfTheUnexpected · 02/07/2011 17:00

Thanks for the supportive replies. I will 'fess up.

@ shesgotherlipstick on. FUCK OF! Let's hope it's not your husband I'm shagging. And please remove your lipstick....it doesn't suit you.

OP posts:

EricNorthmansMistress · 02/07/2011 21:40

I have type one genitally. They were wrong when they said you probably won't get another break out - can't think why they said that. It will probably never be as nasty as the first one but you are very likely to have more. I get one once every few months these days.
75% of people carry the virus by the way.
I have recently split with H and got a prescription of aciclovir from the GP, it suppresses the virus so if I have sex I won't pass it on. I can't take it forever but this way I could protect a partner until I was ready to tell him. I think you need to discuss this with a proper sexual health nurse.

shesgotherlipstickon · 03/07/2011 00:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

EricNorthmansMistress · 03/07/2011 07:36

Wow! That's so offensive. You have managed to offend me and that's not easy.

How many people get cold sores? How many of them warn everyone they kiss? How many of them let people know before giving oral sex? I'd bet around zero%. I'm not saying it's not right to warn someone if you have herpes, it's the right thing to do - but it's so prevalent because most people don't give it a second thought.

whatsallthehullaballoo · 03/07/2011 07:43

Let's hope nothing like this happens to you shesgother -

I have learned a lot from this thread about herpes and I have a new found sympathy for those that have contracted it.

Good luck to ENM and the OP - hope you manage to keep it at bay for a while. Sounds awful for you both.

handsomeharry · 03/07/2011 07:45

shesgotherlipstickon - that is a seriously horrible thing to say to somebody. It could happen to anyone. It is not the OPs fault that someone passed this virus on to her. She is on this thread to ask for advice and all you seem to be able to offer is nastiness. Yuck.

Xales · 03/07/2011 11:14

It is no ones fault they had a virus passed on to them.

To deliberately not tell someone they have it is wrong no matter how small the chances of passing it on. They may not get symptoms and pass it onto other people.

I didn't see shesgotherlipstickon's last reply but FUCK OF! Let's hope it's not your husband I'm shagging. is pretty damned nasty from the OP considering she is the one talking about whether or not to tell the person she is thinking of shagging!

FabbyChic · 03/07/2011 11:31

If it was herpes that only affects you once and never again there is no need to tell him if you are cured. However, if there is a possibiity a potential partner could catch it even wearing a condom then you have to either become a nun, or tell every prospective partner they could get herpes.

To be honest I doubt that any man would want to sleep with someone who might give them a disease for life.

TalesOfTheUnexpected · 03/07/2011 11:41

Sorry, yes, I was nasty yesterday and it was uncalled for.

I'm obviously a bit miffed that I was left with a disease for life and I know that this limits my relationships in the future.

I'll be upfront and honest with anyone I meet. It's the right thing to do.

OP posts:

handsomeharry · 03/07/2011 11:49

Im glad the message was deleted.

FabbyChic · 03/07/2011 12:12

It does not just limit your relationships it basically puts a halt to them, I cannot see anybody willing to sacrifice their health for sex, you have to consider the possibility of being alone.

EricNorthmansMistress · 03/07/2011 12:14

You can't be cured of herpes. Even if you never have a breakout again you will always carry it. The thing people need to remember is that type one on the genitals is only cold sores in another place. Nobody would think someone was a skank for having a cold sore, nor would they think someone reprehensible for having a snog with a stranger in a club and not warning them. It becomes emotive when sex is involved. Fabbychic I don't usually agree with your views anyway but i've seen you on several occasions give advice which is factually wrong. Can I advise you to say nothing unless you know you are giving facts? Or at least warn people it's your opinion and you don't know for sure.

EricNorthmansMistress · 03/07/2011 12:17

Oh for fuck sake. Cross post with fabby chic. That is complete and utter Fucking shite. Shut up with your bullshit opinions that's really not helpful.

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msshapelybottom · 03/07/2011 12:20

FabbyChic.....I laughed when I read this - what a ridiculous statement...

Xales · 03/07/2011 12:30

You must be really pissed off it is not a nice thing There is a stigma which many people don't look beyond despite at one stage most people getting it as a youngster from maiden Aunt Mildred giving them that hairy upper lipped, drooling kiss we all hated!

There are plenty of people who are willing to take sensible precautions in relationships even if the other person has something non curable. Plus if 75% of people have it the chances of you having a partner with it also are higher than one who doesn't

Glad you decided to be upfront it is just the right thing as you say so they can make an educated decision with you. Those that go ew unclean and back away holding a crucifix are probably the ones with it too not the ones you really want a relationship with anyway.

Much better than dropping it in a conversation 4 months later when you are much closer etc and then have them angry/annoyed/upset with you.

pinksunset · 03/07/2011 12:34

I also have type one genitally. I can not believe you were told you probably wouldn't get it again, I am probably quite an extreme example but in the 17 years that I have had it I have not gone more than 6 months without an attack, I used to get it so frequently that I took medication to prevent attacks. My dh (who I got it from) only has about break once every few years so you may be one of the luckier ones. Being open and upfront is the only fair thing to do.

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