Do I report this kind of behaviour to the Reception teacher?

[imaginaryfriend]

Dd started Reception last week and tonight when I was putting her to bed she said to me "what does 'sex you' mean?" I asked her to repeat what she'd said and she said the same and I asked her where she'd heard it and she said a boy came up to her by the coat area and pushed his hips / willy area into her bottom, pushing her against the wall and said 'I want to sex you'. She said 'I don't like that, stop it' (her stock reply!) and he laughed loudly in her ear and ran off. Dd was a bit shaken but didn't tell the teacher.

Immediately I was quietly horrified (I played it down to dd) and I'm now wondering if I should send a note to the Reception teacher about it.

It's only happened this once and I don't know the boy's name because dd didn't know it. Should I put it down to childish boisterousness or think of it more seriously? Is this something that happens often in Reception settings?

I'd particularly love to get replies from Reception teachers as to what they'd recommend.

[FranSanDisco]

I would speak to the teacher about this and not send a note. I work in a Nursery and if I heard a child say this I would have to note it and observe the child plus alert someone more senior to this. Not appropriate behaviour or language for a 4 or 5 yo.

[Clayhead]

I agree with FranSanDisco completely (I work in a pre-school and that would be our procedure too). Could be completely harmless but the teacher needs to know just in case.

[imaginaryfriend]

Does it matter that it only happened once though? Shouldn't I see if it's repeated before reporting it?

[Clayhead]

It may only be once to your child but have happened before to another child. The teacher can only spot a pattern if armed with all the info.

[Alambil]

It isn't appropriate for a young child to do that - nor have an inkling of knowing what it means

I would guess the child protection team would be told, via the teacher of this - NOT that they would DO anything but just watch and observe for further "issues" (don't feel bad about this - it is normal procedure)

Have a word with the teacher if you can - could DD point him out on monday morning for you?

[Heated]

Totally agree with Fran.

[OldieMum]

Surely it's disturbing that a child of that age knows about this at all? I wouldn't wait until it happens again, I would report it now. There may be an innocent explanation (e.g. an older sibling has told him about sex), or it may be something more worrying. If I were the teacher, I would want to know.

[DANCESwithTheMorningOff]

I'm a Key Stage One teacher and I say definitely report it to the teacher. 'Advanced' sexual understanding/knowledge in young children can be just the product of having older siblings but can also be far nastier reasons. Whichever it is also a unpleasant thing to have happened to your dd too and it needs to be dealt with. Let the teacher know sooner rather than later.

[PSCMUM]

o my god! of course you have to tell the teacher, and they need to tell Social services - where the hell is a kid that age learning that kind of behaviour??? how terrible.

[imaginaryfriend]

Will dd have to be quizzed about it by the teacher? I'm hoping she'll have forgotten about it by the end of the weekend, I don't want to bring it up again with her unless she mentions it. It obviously didn't hugely bother her as she didn't mention it until just now and she wasn't terribly upset.

My initial gut feeling is that it was totally incorrect behaviour but that it probably came out of innocence and perhaps needed the benefit of the doubt?

I advised dd to tell the teacher if anything like it happened again. It would be so much easier if she did and the teacher could tackle it immediately rather than having to talk about it separately.

[Heated]

Locally we had a more serious case, where 4 yr old twins were agressively going up to girls at school, and even women in supermarkets, grabbing them & using the F word. Ever other word they used was a swear word & they eventually were taken into care. Their mother & aunt, supported by the grandmother, 'entertained' a host of really rough men, and the children were mimicking what they'd witnessed.

[sunshinegirl]

OMG, I would def say something to teacher

[flowerybeanbag]

You have to say something to the teacher, for the sake of any other little girls he may do/have done this to, and for his own sake as well. Quite worrying to think where he's learning that from at this age, at the very least someone needs to know so that he can be kept an eye on.

[DANCESwithTheMorningOff]

ImaginaryFriend - write down now what dd said then you can take that to show the teacher on Monday. Obviously the teacher is going to want dd to identify the child who did it but can play down the serious of it to dd by saying things like 'can you tell me who the boy is who said those silly things to you' etc - the school will have child protection policies in place (you may be able to access them via the school website) if you want to know what the procedure is. Please do tell the school.

[windyweather]

My dd witnesed something similar (worse in fact) last year in YR. She immediately told the Teacher who addressed it straight away.

I would speak to Teacher if only for your own piece of mind, to re-assure you. I did and it helped me loads.

Good Luc

[ThomasTankEngine]

You must tell the teacher. The boy could be at risk. I feel quite concerned he knows this language and behaviour.

Do reassure your daughter she should tell you, a teacher, or a grown up about anything she feels wrong.

[DANCESwithTheMorningOff]

Have we convinced you yet imaginaryfriend?

[imaginaryfriend]

I'm definitely taking it more seriously now.

[DANCESwithTheMorningOff]

Good. Let us know how it goes on monday. If the teacher doesn't take it seriously (highly unlikely) go straight to the head and voice your concerns.

[imaginaryfriend]

It sounds terribly selfish but I really don't want dd to get involved. If it involved speaking to the teacher and that was it I'd do it like a shot.

[FranSanDisco]

There will be a procedure in place that will mean this child will be quietly watched. Inappropriate behaviour/comments will be noted. This child may have already said similar to another child and the teacher may already be aware of these comments.

I spoke to a teacher about a 3 yo being left at the Nursery gate and being told to run into class alone. The parent then attempted to drive off without checking the child was going in. The girl was standing on the grass outside sobbing. The door is security locked and she wouldn't have reached the buzzer I ran after him and he stopped thankfully. The child was still sobbing and was making no attempt to go into class when he eventually got out of his car. The teacher was aware already of this behaviour by the parent and the end result was the child was taken into the class each day. Please speak to the teacher

[DANCESwithTheMorningOff]

It is selfish but I do understand why. Just consider that he may do it your dd again and perhaps you could prevent that by having the school deal with it now.

[ThomasTankEngine]

I do understand not wanting to get dd involved. But she is.

ANd if you don't address it now it could happen again.

And this little boy may need help.

[ThomasTankEngine]

Ah Xpost Dances

[divastrop]

my 4 year old ds is 'boisterous' and has older siblings who know about sex,but he wouldnt have a clue what it meant,anything they say about it goes over his head.he is still trying to get his head round the fact that his little sisters dont have willies!

saying the word sex because youve heard it from an older child is one thing,but having an idea what it means isnt right at infant school age.