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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

20 week scan tomorrow - Do I or don't I find out the sex??!!

37 replies

pinktree · 15/10/2008 19:56

ARH I just can't decide - help me!

This is my second dc and I did find out the first time.

It wasn't a disappointment knowing, it was lovely AND it was still a surprise meeting my baby boy!

I do however have a slight preference this time round....

Part of me feels like keeping the inlaws guessing as they've pretty much said they want a granddaughter! (they have 3 grandson's)

OP posts:

Report

lollyheart · 15/10/2008 20:03

Go on find out, keep it a suprise from everyone else but tell us of course
I loved knowing who i had inside me, it will still be a suprise just 20weeks early

notsoteenagemum · 15/10/2008 20:04

No don't do it!!
I'm dead against it for a few reasons.

pinktree · 15/10/2008 20:06

ooh what reasons?!

OP posts:

S1ur · 15/10/2008 20:06

Yeah do it.

shreksmissus · 15/10/2008 20:06

Message withdrawn

SesHasapinkline · 15/10/2008 20:07

notsoteenagemum - why are you against it?

I'm 10 weeks pg with dc1 and haven't decided yet.

MrsJamin · 15/10/2008 20:09

If you do have a preference, I'd definitely find out - that way you can get used to the idea if it is a 'disappointing' outcome, so that by the time your DC2 comes, you will be 100% happy about it all.

diddle · 15/10/2008 20:10

nooooo don't do it.

i know someone who was told she was having a boy and it was a girl. imagine if you'd bonded with your son and then had a daughter, i think it would fuddle my brain.
Plus i think its much nicer calling all your relatives and saying its a boy/girl rather than its here.
i didn't find out with either of our sons, and i'm 15 wks pregnant now with number 3, we'd love a girl but theres no way we;re finding out, after 40 weeks of effort i want a surprise.

pinktree · 15/10/2008 20:16

It's interesting hearing all your views...

thank you

think I'm swaying 70/30 to not finding out...at the mo!

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notsoteenagemum · 15/10/2008 20:32

The big and sad reason is that if you know the sex, then you pick the name etc then if something terrible happens- I think it makes it 10 times harder to deal with. This is something close to my heart.
Other reasons-
the surprise of hearing- its a boy/girl is fantastic,
they could be wrong,
if you have a peference even slight then (approx) 20 weeks is along time to dwell on it, I had a preference with DD and DS and ended up having the other iyswim but was so busy and happy with baby didn't give a second thought,
I hate the way everything is either pink or blue at the moment and think it's really kicked off since it became more widespead for people to know the babies sex before birth. Bring back the neutrals!!(except that horrid minty green)

lauraloola · 15/10/2008 20:45

We found out at 34 weeks but didnt tell anyone else! I will do the same next time as it was our little secret but we could still prepare. Good luck and let us know x

TinkerBellesMum · 15/10/2008 20:45

We have to find out because of complications with boys in the fathers family.

I have lost a baby at 20 weeks, she was born alive and lived for three hours and knowing she was a girl and giving her a name was very important to us. So I don't think that reason is important to everyone, certainly from the posts I see at SANDS most people want to know whether their Angel was a boy or a girl.

Growing up I thought I would never want to know, now I do. I think though as Mum's we know if we trust our instincts enough. The decision is not something anyone can make for you, you have to decide what's important. You already know there is still a surprise in meeting your baby.

pinktree · 15/10/2008 20:51

I'm so sorry for your losses and thank you for being so honest.

I will definitely let you know what I decide

Perhaps I'll know what to do when I'm in there?!

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googgly · 15/10/2008 20:51

With ds 1, the very first thing I saw at the 20 wk scan was a big pair of bollocks! The only not to know might well be to keep your eyes shut.

JodieO · 15/10/2008 20:54

I found out all three times and I was very pleased. I found out at 20 weeks with dd, but 12 weeks (private scans) with ds1 and ds2, it was so lovely being able to know what sex they were. I've had 5 miscarriages in the past and wanted to know everything as soon as I could.

I think I read on here before about the so called "surprise" when giving birth. She said a surprise would be giving birth to a cat/dog but that a baby is only ever a boy or a girl so not exactly a surprised in the real sense.

pinktree · 15/10/2008 20:59

googgly

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SesHasapinkline · 15/10/2008 21:03

how much involvement have your DH/DPs had in the decision? Just that they've not been mentioned so far and I was thinking this would help my DH feel more involved. I'm even debating letting him decide...

pinktree · 15/10/2008 21:17

My dh would LOVE to find out but he says ultimately it's up to me - which is why it's so tempting to just say 'ok' iyswim?

My parents haven't really brought it up actually even though we see them loads and they're very pc about it - you know what ever YOU decide kinda thing.

It's dh's parents and ancient grandmother that get on my nerves asking me to "do me a favour and give me a Granddaughter"! To be fair this was the Grandmother who is 86 AND difficult.

It does make me worry a tiny bit that if this one is a boy will they be bothered? Obviously we will be and my parents!

Woops making them out to be selfish buggers

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tinkisgoingtohaveapumpkin · 16/10/2008 09:03

we were desperate to find out @ 20 week scan and couldnt as bean had legs crossed all the time later payed for a 3-d scan nd found out we are having another girl.
would definetly recommend i have been buying pink cute outfits and we have a name now makes bonding much better

mumoverseas · 16/10/2008 09:14

I didn't find out with my first two (aged 15 and 12) as they didn't tell in those days. With DD (now aged 2) we weren't going to find out but at the last minute we did and it was lovely as she had her name 4 months before she was born and was already part of the family before she arrived. I'm 21 weeks now with DC4, have the scan on Saturday and am hoping we'll get to find out this time.
Maybe you'll just know at the scan whether to find out like we did.

2point4kids · 16/10/2008 09:23

Did you find out?

pinktree · 16/10/2008 10:11

Still don't know! Scan at 3 this afternoon.

Can't believe it's so hard to decide it was easy first time round when the person with the 'thing' (sorry terrible bout of pregnancy brain mush!) asked we were like "hell, yeah!"

I think if I'm honest I suppose i really don't want to be disappointed I know a healthy baby and all that but I can't help my feelings that I would love a girl.

Sorry in advance if this pisses anyone off

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lauraloola · 16/10/2008 11:05

I want another one in about a years time. I already have a 4mo daughter and would be horrified to have a boy!!

Maybe it is better if you do find out. That way if it is a boy you can get yourself prepared and looking forward to it x

tinkisgoingtohaveapumpkin · 16/10/2008 12:07

i was like this before we found out this time round.
i have a dd and get thinking how it would be lovely to have a boy so that i had one of each, was panacking what would i feel if it was a girl
when i found out i was having a girl i was so happy, dd really wanted a sister and is happy and they will be sharing a room. also i luv all the cute pink outfits, dd had some gorgoous ones too have been having a sort thorough
good luck

CarolsFavourite · 16/10/2008 12:27

We found out a few wks ago and I love knowing, it was like a midway present, we were so excited we went a bought some of the gorgeous little boy stuff i'd seen before we knew and I don't feel like the fun is gone now we still have seeing him to look forward to and my grl friends are all placing bets on weight n due date now so I still feel we have a lot to be excited about. Nice to call my bump he now and not it which I hate but when you don't know it kinda just comes out. Let us know what u decide xxx

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