How hard is it going from one child too two?

[Magik01]

Hello! I have a DS who is 2 years 3 months and an currently pregnant! He will be around 2 years 10 months (hopefully!) when other baby arrives.

How easy/hard did you find adjusting from one child too two? Any tips as I’m quite scared!

[meltedgalaxy]

Following because I'm in the same situation, DS will be 22 months when our little one arrives

[formerbabe]

I found it really difficult to be honest. Going from 0-1 was easier for me.

But everyone is different, my sister just had her second and has found going from 1-2 easier.

[welshweasel]

You’ll wonder what you ever used to do all day when you just had a newborn!! I found the transition far easier than 0 to 1, the new baby will just sort of fit in. You’ll end up carting them round a lot so you can do stuff with the older one. I found having somewhere safe, like a bouncer, on each floor of the house very useful, putting eldest in nursery for a bit if you can, buy a decent present from the new baby!

[DinosaurDiana]

Going from none to one was a massive learning curve, one to two was easy.

[Thenosleepclub]

I found it so much harder than I thought. Really really fucking hard. First few months were absolutely fine but when the 2nd starts needing more than just milk it's tricky, and my second was an early crawler and walker and frustrated for about a month before both of those happened. Also a shit sleeper. Still is. Oh and the pandemic happened.
It's getting easier now he's a year old.

[BessMarvin]

I found 0 to 1 really difficult and 1 to 2 really difficult. Now I have 2 my DH and I ask each other how on earth we thought 1 was difficult. I still have no idea how to deal with both at the same time by myself (youngest is 15 months old). I don't know how to get the second one to nap while the first one is around. I have 3.5 years gap so we're a bit different to you and it's usually OK because of school (not at the moment obviously).

[MillieEpple]

Well ... a lot of my friends found it easy because they found going from 0 to 1 was a big adjustment to their lives but for some reason (i think i was boring) i found one just slotted in.
I found it hard to go from 1 to 2 because I struggled with when their needs conflicted. Like a baby wanting a feed and a toddler balancing on the edge of something dangerous.

[Chelyanne]

1 - 2 is hard in the fact you have little to no time for rest as the older ones tend to have stopped napping and be very active. Our 1st 2 had 5 year age gap, the older was becoming quite independent which made things pretty easy. Patience for a demanding child can be a bit thin when you're sleep deprived but once you get the hang of it you'll forget how it was just having the one.
All after 2 have been a breeze, even twins. Didn't put me off having more lol, 10+2wk atm.

[Magik01]

@welshweasel DS already does one full day and one half a day at nursery which we are thinking of upping to two full days once baby arrives which I know will be a huge help! Think I’m just scared about the sleep deprivation again as first was a terrible sleeper.

@DinosaurDiana fingers crossed I’m the same as you!

[BessMarvin]

Oh also if there's anything you need to get done like decorating or decluttering etc do it now. There is never time to do anything. I wish I'd realised.

[isitjustifyable]

I had the same age gap, (my youngest is now 1 and a half)
I found it so much easier than the first time round. So much more experienced and relaxed about everything.

And at these ages now it is absolutely amazing! My 4 year old entertains my 1 year old and loves it. I can get on with much more, and can even have a shower!

[HazelWong]

I have exactly this age gap. It wasn't too bad initially as the baby loved the sling so I hardly knew he was there.. someone on a bus (pre covid clearly) told me how lovely my baby was and I was a bit "what baby? Oh, yeah, that one" 🤣

I felt it got harder once the baby was mobile and that was when my older child really had to start sharing attention. Then easier again now that the little one is 18 months and they actually entertain each other.

I recommend:

A sling
Getting out every morning
Continuing to use nursery for the older one if you can
Getting your DH to lead on potty training the older one if you haven't done that yet - with a breastfed newborn, no way could I have done it as it involves quickly reacting to signals
Getting the older one's sleep really sorted if not already
Getting the older one into "quiet time" in place of a nap when they drop it
Not trying to get anything other than childcare done on days when you have both on your own (until you get more into the swing of it) - I didn't even washup

[Magik01]

@Thenosleepclub oh no that’s what I’m scared of! the DH has already said he is not looking forward to the first year and it sounds terrible but I do agree in a sense. I don’t want to take anything for granted as we both think we only want two children, but I found it extremely difficult having my first mentally, so am terrified this time how I will cope.

[ConfusedcomMum]

The hardest thing I've done in my life but DC2 was colic for 9 months and there was a shorter age gap. Going from 2 to 3 was a picnic.

[BessMarvin]

@isitjustifyable

I had the same age gap, (my youngest is now 1 and a half)
I found it so much easier than the first time round. So much more experienced and relaxed about everything.

And at these ages now it is absolutely amazing! My 4 year old entertains my 1 year old and loves it. I can get on with much more, and can even have a shower!

Wow that's lucky. My 4yo and 1yo will try to snatch stuff off each other and scream and cry until they get it.

[jollybobs89]

Going from 1 - 2 hard!!!

DD is 3 next month and DS 10 months old. Just hard as it's constant might have felt easier if wasn't for covid lockdowns etc. You'll have good days and bad days all I'd say is try get a good routine and bedtime. Both mine go to bed at 7 and I think I'd have no hair if they didn't.

[SnuggyBuggy]

What made it easier was being less scared of DC2, I was making tea and emptying the potty 1 handed holding them from the start which I wouldn't have dared with DC1. Having a partner who pulls their weight makes a huge difference too, I'd have found it much worse otherwise.

[HazelWong]

@jollybobs89

Going from 1 - 2 hard!!!

DD is 3 next month and DS 10 months old. Just hard as it's constant might have felt easier if wasn't for covid lockdowns etc. You'll have good days and bad days all I'd say is try get a good routine and bedtime. Both mine go to bed at 7 and I think I'd have no hair if they didn't.

Agree, sleep is so important. I know it's not for everyone but we did sleep train both of ours and the younger one on the dot of 6 months which made a huge difference to me. Both of mine woke several times a night before.

[Magik01]

@HazelWong thank you for the tips- really helpful! I have a sling from the first time around so will be making use of it. DS does go nursery for a morning and full day which I think will help.

Unfortunately he’s not ready for potty training- I can just tell. But you never know a few months down the line.

[isitjustifyable]

@BessMarvin I am really grateful that my 2 are so good with Each other. I understand it's not always the case. (And I also know it won't last forever!)

[BessMarvin]

[quote isitjustifyable]@BessMarvin I am really grateful that my 2 are so good with Each other. I understand it's not always the case. (And I also know it won't last forever!) [/quote]
Everything is a phase isn't it keeps us on our toes!

[Frazzled99]

I currently have a 19 month old and 3 month old so a close age gap. I found 0-1 so so so hard. Mentally, physically etc. I was absolutely terrified about no.2 who was conceived 2 weeks before covid hit, born in lockdown 2 and her whole 3 months on earth in this covid hell! But my main concern like you was sleep deprivation and I also dreaded the first year. Because my expectations were so low this time I've actually found 1-2 much easier. DD1 was an unhappy, high maintenance colic baby. DD2 is super chilled and sweet. I've left DD1 who is still a high maintenance, whirlwind toddler with her CM 4 days a week which may seem excessive but I have no other support due to covid and I was worried about having both post c section alone, I also want to keep the space for when I go back to work. This means I get lots of bonding time with DD2 and DD1 is still seeing peers and developing socially. The hardest thing for me is when SDs come and we suddenly double to 4 kids!

My advice....keep expectations low and you may ne pleasantly surprised and definitely up your child's nursery days to 2 (or more haha). Congrats!

[sunlightbuttons]

I think you don't know until the baby arrives which camp you'll be in. But for me, 1-2 was infinitely easier than 0-1.

[dillydallydollydaydream7]

18 months between ours - DD1 will be 2 in April and DD2 is 3 months. You just sort of get thrown in the deep end and learn to balance and juggle - however I have no idea how a routine will work once I have to go back to work 🙃

[MilyMoo]

Really hard. The mummy guilt towards my eldest who had just turned four the same time youngest was born was awful.