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Pregnancy

I have the sex of my baby in an envelope and it's driving me crazy!

57 replies

rollerskaterdata · 14/12/2018 20:45

Since finding out I’m pregnant DH and I have been adamant we want to stay team yellow. He still is 100% but as the weeks have passed I’ve been wavering more and more, to the point where last week I booked a private sexing scan during a moment of weakness when I thought I wanted to find out the sex rather than staying team yellow. Since booking it I changed my mind (again!) but went to the scan which was this week anyway so as not to waste money as they don't give refunds. I asked them to find out the sex but not tell me or DH and instead write in on a piece of paper and put it in a sealed envelope (they told us when to look anyway at the appropriate times when they were doing the scan). So now I have an envelope in my house burning a hole in my wardrobe that contains the sex of my unborn child.

There are obviously more important things in life to worry about and I feel so silly, but it's driving me crazy, mainly because I can’t make my mind up either way. Just when I think I’m sure of myself and my decision I change my mind. On the one hand I would LOVE a surprise at birth and on the other hand I need to know NOW. I found out with my DS and was totally happy and sold on my decision which is a stark contrast to how I feel now. This may be our last baby and I don’t want to regret not ever having that experience of finding out at birth...but I'm literally dreaming about opening that envelope every night in my sleep! I’m wondering if anyone else can offer some fresh insight or has ever been in this position? (probably not because you’re all sane!)

Oh and I’m 16 and a bit weeks pregnant so a long way off giving birth!

OP posts:

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Lymphy · 14/12/2018 22:24

Ah that would drive me nuts!!! This is my opinion and it’s only an option, we are of course two different people with different views,
Shred it!! Stay team yellow, I did for both mine and did waver at scans ( I had loads as growth issues) but stuck it out, that moment when you think I can’t do this labour malarkey any more then you think I’m minutes away from finding out the sex, was the push ( no pun intended) I needed, love a surprise!

needanappp · 14/12/2018 22:45

I think if I was feeling the way you are, I'd have to destroy the envelope! Take the choice away!

Janleverton · 14/12/2018 22:49

Burn the envelope!

furrysheep · 14/12/2018 22:49

I think you need to make a decision ASAP to save yourself the stress. Either open and find out or destroy and wait to find out at the birth.
But considering you're only 16 weeks and you're stressing about it this much I think I would open it and find out. Good luck

Procne · 14/12/2018 22:49

Just open the bloody envelope, OP. It’s either a girl or a boy. It’s not going to be terribly surprising whether you find out now or at the birth, surely.

SubtitlesOn · 14/12/2018 22:51

could you give the envelope to a friend you trust to look after it (without looking)

Then it would take longer to find out the answer if you decide on a whim

Or put it in 2 double sealed plastic bags and freeze it in some water in plastic box

Then you have to defrost and it will take time

Both of these mean there is a delay between deciding and being able to look

YK84 · 14/12/2018 23:00

I wouldn’t be happy if my partner did this after previously agreeing to be team yellow...you basically went behind his back?! Burn the envelope and stick to your original plan with your partner... if you feel weak again discuss it with him!!

Fraula · 14/12/2018 23:07

Waiting to find out is so worth it!

Angelmiracle · 14/12/2018 23:14

Get rid of envelope. It's like having chocolate in the house you eat it just because it's there. You've found out first time around why not change it up this time?!

ihatehoney · 14/12/2018 23:17

I'd open it😁 I have no self control 😂

llangennith · 14/12/2018 23:22

Just open it then get on with your pregnancy.

2isabella2 · 14/12/2018 23:29

We didn't want to find out but my mum was very ill during my pregnancy so we asked them to write it down in case she deteriorated so we could tell her the sex and name before she died - thankfully she made a full recovery so it wasn't needed.

I got my husband to sign across the seal of the envelope and hide it from me! Best surprise ever, I loved finding out at birth, my husband looked and told me and it was such a special moment. Don't open it!

italiancortado · 14/12/2018 23:47

wouldn’t be happy if my partner did this after previously agreeing to be team yellow...you basically went behind his back?!

He was at the scan as well

GlitterPixie · 14/12/2018 23:52

Open the envelope you won’t have a moments peace for the rest of the pregnancy otherwise

CrystalBlaze · 15/12/2018 07:20

OP I am in exactly the same boat as you!! We couldn't make up our minds so got the sonographer to write it down. Now have absolutely no idea what to do. Sorry this is no help but just wanted to say I know exactly the conundrum you're grappling with!

Mikewazowskismrs · 15/12/2018 08:32

We are doing this we our scan next week too but have no self control and going to open it on Xmas day .

Can you maybe do something like that ?

That would drive me nuts too !

OfDragonsDeep · 15/12/2018 08:36

Open it on Christmas Day, it will be nice thing to look forward too

Teaandbiscuits90 · 15/12/2018 08:38

There is no way I could control myself 🙈 The Christmas Day idea is lovely though :) It sounds like you really want to find out, so wouldn’t regret opening it :)

rollerskaterdata · 15/12/2018 08:43

Thank you so much for all the answers!

Just to clarify I didn't go behind his back. He was at the scan as well and was happily there. We were thinking about having a wellbeing scan anyway (problems in previous pregnancy and you can find out the sex for an extra £4!). So it was either a case of cancel and wait for 20 scan in the new year or go and have the piece of mind before the Christmas holidays (plus have the option of finding out sex). Explaining further would've added an extra paragraph to my OP and it's bloody long enough as it is anyway 😂

DH wants to wait but would find out to please me, and I want to wait AND find out (impossible) but ultimately please DH! 🤦‍♀️ and I don't trust anyone in my family to keep it safe or not peek themselves and slip up!

If I destroy the envelope I'm worried I'll regret it because if I can hold out until birth, it'll be a nice keepsake and I can look and see if they were right! We keep memory baby boxes in the first year and I like the idea of putting it in that. But then others saying it's gonna drive me nuts for the next 24 weeks are right...I dreamt about opening the envelope again last night! 🙄😂

Might have to bloody freeze it.

@CrystalBlaze let me know what you decide!

OP posts:

rollerskaterdata · 15/12/2018 08:45

Oh and the Christmas Day idea is lovely! But it'd be me just looking not DH. He's happy with me doing that and I could keep the secret easily but I'm not sure how I feel about me knowing and not him? I kinda like the idea of both of us knowing or not knowing. I can't win!

OP posts:

xJune88 · 15/12/2018 08:48

Me and hubby did this. The sonographer put a pink/blue teddy in a box for us with a potty shot for evidence. We opened it the same night haha 🤦🏼‍♀️x

Flamingosnbears · 15/12/2018 08:54

You've gone this far not finding out well done! I'd say keep it the memory box is a lovely idea, you can make it I'm sure but if not wrap it and open it on Christmas day as an extra special gift for you both...

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Darkstar4855 · 15/12/2018 12:34

I wanted to find out but my partner wanted a surprise so we decided to wait. It was lovely having our friends and family get excited about whether it would be a boy or a girl. We told our midwife the name we had picked for each and instead of saying “it’s a boy” she said “it’s a [Name]!”. It was a really lovely moment that I’ll always treasure.

I did find it frustrating waiting so long to find out but it was definitely worth it!

TheSubtleKnifeAndFork · 15/12/2018 13:13

I'd keep it as a surprise for the birth personally, but there really is no right or wrong. I have remained resolutely "team yellow" with both pregnancies and finding out at the birth with DC1 was just so magic, so we decided to do it that way again. In all likelihood finding out at the scan would have been equally special, but I didn't want to risk it as there is no way to "unknow" it once know and we won't be having any more children after this pregnancy.
I know many people say it's not really a surprise anyway, because you know it's one of two things... but to me it's still an exciting thing to wait and find out about your new baby when you meet them, even if it's not the surprise of the century.

I'm not generally a patient person at all, so I don't know why I'm OK with the wait, but strangely I like the sense of delayed gratification.

rollerskaterdata · 15/12/2018 19:55

Thank you for all the replies. I've (sort of!) made a decision. I'm either going to have a peek at the envelope on Christmas Day, or not at all. If I'm going to do it I want to do it on a special day and I can't think of anything better than Christmas! If not I'll wait until birth. 10 days left to decide!

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