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Giving birth clashing with my sisters wedding

(70 Posts)
Ann9456 Thu 11-Jan-18 22:54:13

Hi everyone

I am currently 15 weeks pregnant but havent told anyone yet except my oh.
Im due 4 weeks before my sisters wedding.. I am so worried about telling my family for this reason. I dont want her to be upset with me or to feel like I am stealing the thunder of her wedding. What if the baby is late?! How am I going to squeeze into the size 8 bridesmaids dress she has already bought me?!
So anxious and worried!

agteacht Thu 11-Jan-18 22:58:26

Hi Ann
You made me chuckle, I have the same problem! I am due one week before my brothers wedding. It is in Ireland. Our dad died suddenly a year ago so it's really important I am there! But the timing couldn't be worse.

Luckily I'm not meant to be a bridesmaid j guess!!

I haven't told them yet either.
Hopefully when you tell your family they will totally understand. It's 4 weeks before. You aren't trying to steal anyone's thunder. Cancel being a bridesmaid, you don't need that pressure. X

agteacht Thu 11-Jan-18 22:59:55

Edit: I am only 7w so have some time. Will be dying to hear how your news sharing goes!!

PurpleDaisies Thu 11-Jan-18 23:03:47

How long has she had the wedding planned for? How long have you known you are pregnant?

These things happen, unless you let her book the date/buy the dress knowing there was a strong possibility you wouldn’t be there, she can’t reasonably be annoyed. I’m sure she’ll be happy for you.

Ann9456 Thu 11-Jan-18 23:05:41

Oh gosh! timing isnt great for you.

I will feel terrible cancelling on her as I am her only bridesmaid and I am not sure who else she would want to ask.

Will let you know once I have enough courage to tell everyone. First child and 24 living at home with my parents and oh. everything is very overwhelming atm.

Ann9456 Thu 11-Jan-18 23:06:41

Its been planned for a long time but my pregnancy wasnt planned so it has come as a big surprise.

McTufty Thu 11-Jan-18 23:08:26

You’re not stealing her thunder! She will love having a niece or nephew at the wedding if she is anything like me.

As for the dress, you won’t fit back into it in all likelihood (you might be only 2 weeks post partum). Don’t put that pressure on yourself. If it can’t be exchanged for a bigger size then you’ll need a new dress. I think you should pay for the replacement.

The timing isn’t ideal but she’s your sister and she ought to be thrilled for you.

chocolateorangeowls Thu 11-Jan-18 23:09:04

Honestly I think you just need to tell them ASAP. The longer you keep it a secret the worse it will be.

Congratulations btw grinxxx

PurpleDaisies Thu 11-Jan-18 23:09:32

Have you only just found out you’re pregnant?

agteacht Thu 11-Jan-18 23:11:54

Well you could stay as the bridesmaid but you definitely would need a flexible dress! And you'll be breastfeeding. And will you really be able to commit to it if you have to feed your baby?

But I do understand the difficulty in letting her down on that front. She has another 5 months or so though eh?

As you say it wasn't planned and really there is nothing you can do only tell her.
Will your parents be pleased for you?

Ours wasn't really planned either but we were casually trying... I wish we hadn't casually tried that month!
Realistically with their wedding being in Ireland and us being in the UK I don't think we will manage to get to it. I'm praying the baby will come early and we could maybe maybe maybe manage to go over...

Bobbiepin Thu 11-Jan-18 23:12:39

I was due 4 days after my SIL's wedding. I ended up not being bridesmaid but was a witness instead. Baby arrived 2 days after the wedding, it was almost like she knew not to arrive before then!

When we told SIL in Feb, We prrtty much said "looks like we also have big plans for October". She said "oh shit" but that was about it. Good luck telling her! I would suggest sooner rather than later so you might be able to exchange the dress.

SilverdaleGlen Thu 11-Jan-18 23:12:57

I think you need to drop out of being a bridesmaid, but my sister had my DNeice 5 weeks before my wedding, missed the hen night because of it, but I didn't care as it was just so lovely that we had a new little baby there smile

Just tell them.

Ann9456 Thu 11-Jan-18 23:13:23

I found out at 10 weeks. I suffer with anxiety in general so adding being pregnant to the mix has made it 10x worse. Thats why I havent told anyone as I am so worried about the wedding and being judged.

PurpleDaisies Thu 11-Jan-18 23:15:27

I think the longer you leave it, the worse it will be. You don’t necessarily need to tell her you’ve known for a long time.

Presumably she bought you the dress before you found out though?

Ann9456 Thu 11-Jan-18 23:19:33

The dress was bought over a year ago in a sale. So no chance of return. Feeling so bad.. I dont want to upset her ;(

sausagerollsrock Thu 11-Jan-18 23:20:51

I think the sooner you fess up the better. Plenty of time to get another dress and let any potential ill feeling settle.
Good luck!

Aph413 Thu 11-Jan-18 23:22:08

My sister was due the day before my wedding. She gave birth 2 weeks early her baby was at my wedding. It didn't matter to me at all, you just have to tell her it's not stealing her thunder at all.

GreenTulips Thu 11-Jan-18 23:23:16

Just tell her you need an extra invitation!

Babies are always a blessing - she'll understand - and yes you can get another (floaty) dress

Snowdrop18 Thu 11-Jan-18 23:38:49

oh blimey don't worry about it!

dress schmess. you're having a baby. Enjoy!

HipNewName Thu 11-Jan-18 23:43:27

I think that once you tell her, you'll feel better.

What about looking for fabric in the same color as the dress and having a dress made that has a similar neckline / sleeves, but a waist that is more forgiving. Perhaps with thought given to breastfeeding.

Both my DDs were late, yet I could have stood up in a wedding 2 weeks after their birth. Is the wedding near by or do you need to travel?

I'm sure that you'll be able to find someone to hold your baby during the wedding. I suspect your relatives will fight over that job. wink

And congratulations.

Couchpotato3 Thu 11-Jan-18 23:43:41

Stop panicking! You'll need to re-think the dress, but apart from that, it should be fine. After all, you will be surrounded by friends and family who can look after the baby for the very short periods of time when you are actually required to do bridesmaid stuff. And if you end up disappearing for a while during the reception etc to feed the baby, so what, you'll still be there for most of the day. Just tell your sister, enjoy all the excitement of the pregnancy, and don't worry about the things you can't control.

ruleshelpcontrolthefun Thu 11-Jan-18 23:52:06

My DSis was 39 weeks pregnant with my niece at my wedding! DSis went over so she was born nearly 3 weeks after the wedding. We had already bought her dress etc but we just sold it and bought her a stretchy, comfy maternity dress instead as she was still keen to be a BM. I was so excited to be an auntie! It didn't enter my head to be bothered by it hmm

thingymaboob Fri 12-Jan-18 01:45:22

If you're due 4 weeks before the wedding then you have nothing to worry about at all. You don't need to cancel being a bridesmaid. Your baby will be at least 2 weeks old by that point, as you're not likely to go more than 2 weeks overdue. Even if you have a c section, you'll be recovered just enough to go to wedding and take it easy. Your OH can hold baby for most of the day and I'm sure there will be plenty of places to sit down etc.
You will need to buy a new dress but that's really not a big deal. She can't return it but she could sell on eBay. As you're currently the only bridesmaid, you don't need to worry about matching the others. You can get one of those wrap / multiway dresses which can be slightly adjusted to what size you are.
I mean this in the nicest possible way but you're making a mountain out of a molehill.
My friends bridesmaid was due on her wedding day and she had her baby 3 days before wedding (no complications). She came as a bridesmaid on that day and baby came too. It was great! Everyone was so in love with the baby and everyone was very happy.

Rainbowsandflowers78 Fri 12-Jan-18 01:51:58

I think offer to buy a new bridesmaid dress - one you can fit into or maybe offer to step down - just ask her what she’d want best

It’ll work out ok!

Rainbowsandflowers78 Fri 12-Jan-18 01:54:41

Oh don’t let lots of people hold your baby though at the wedding at 2-4 weeks they should still be protected from germs as they’ve low immunity and not had their jabs - you might find it difficult to stop your baby being passed around and I don’t agree with passing to your oh for the day as that’s bad for your bonding - I would get a good sling to wear with dress as people tend not to touch babies in slings x

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