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Expecting the third boy and everyone keeps asking me if it's a girl...

(55 Posts)
beatrice75 Tue 04-Oct-11 20:43:07

Right, I am so fed up with this!
All I seem to be hearing this days is "Are you sure there's only one in there?" and "I bet you hope it's a girl".
I'm seriously worried I'm going to bite someone's head off one of these days. I can't do anything about looking 30 weeks pregnant at only 22 weeks and incidentally I AM expecting another boy. Don't get me wrong, I'm over the moon that I'm pregnant and I don't mind if it's a boy or a girl but I'm getting more and more worried that when he's born people will give me the "Ohhhh...what a shame it's another boy..." line becuase I don't know how I might react. I don't want this poor thing to be the subject of such silliness and I find it insulting that people can be so nosy and untactful and think that all it matters is whether it's a girl or another boy. Has anyone experienced the same and has it bothered you to the point that you're stressed every time someone new knows about the pregnancy because you know you're going to get the "I bet you want a girl" comment? Please help!

LikeACandleButNotQuite Tue 04-Oct-11 21:05:31

Just give the bitchiest answer you can to the next few people who ask, along the lines of "why on EARTH would I be disappointed at conceiving a baby?" ; "Did you mean that to sound as rude as it did?" ; and other such things.

Word will, hopefully get around that you are not to be asked these sorts of questions <fingers crossed emoticon>

Eglu Tue 04-Oct-11 21:10:23

I know how you feel, I had my third DC 3 mths ago. I have two boys and actually did have a girl. I would have happily had another boy, and feel it would have been easier in a lot of respects. I hate all the comments of a girl at last, etc.

Congratualtions on your pg and your DS3.

3cutedarlings Tue 04-Oct-11 21:12:32

I had similar issue's when i was PG with my 3rd. Though i had 2 girls and was expecting a boy, people bugged the hell out of me saying "oh i bet youre over the moon!!" or i bet your DH is thrilled to be having a son!! angry.

It drove me insane!!

I wouldnt even lower yourself with an answer to their rude questions to be honest.

Congratulations, have you thought of any names?, i found boys name really hard.

Haribojoe Tue 04-Oct-11 21:18:36

Really bothered me after DS3 was born, one friend actually said "Aren't you a bit disappointed?" as did my Nan hmm

It does bother me but now I just cut them off with "Actually I feel blessed to have 3 healthy children".

It annoys me because a) I really did not mind what the sex of the baby is and b) I hate the thought that when my DC hear people saying this it might start to sink in and they might wonder if I had them to get a girl IYSWIM.

If all else fails hold your head high and tell them that it was always your intention to have a five a side football team grin

morethemerrier Tue 04-Oct-11 21:20:47

Firstly, Congratulations on your DS3!!! It always amazes me how people can be so tactless, when I was pregnant with DD, having already had 2 DS I constantly got the, 'Ooohh bet you want a girl', my reply was always, 'I want a healthy baby, dont mind which!'

Iam now expecting DC4, and have been getting, 'Oh it doesnt matter what it is now you've got your girl'!!?!

They then decide that 2 boys,2 girls would be 'perfect'!?!

When I say my usual, Ive no preference I just want a healthy baby,they look at me like I have two heads, what they dont know is that I had a miscarriage ealier this year and am so petrified that more than ever my reply is heartfelt.

I think it would be as lovely to be a mum to three boys and a girl, as two boys and two girls, being a mum is the same regardless of wether you have boys or girls, children are unique regardless of gender!

And most definately should not be treated as 'trophies in a cabinet' just because insensitive people decide to impart their ideals on something that is mother natures choice!

CODwidow Tue 04-Oct-11 21:21:30

I know exactly how you feel I have 4 ds's and am expecting baby no 5 and it's all I've heard since ds2. I now feel myself saying yes I am pregnant and no I am not hoping for a girl just a happy baby!

MrsCampbellBlack Tue 04-Oct-11 21:22:36

People do just say silly things.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I adore having 3 dc's smile

ReadRideABikeSwim Tue 04-Oct-11 21:22:42

even the midwife at the delivery of my ds5 fell silent!!!! Hold your head up high - don't bother with a retort OR as a special treat I'll let you use the one i have thought up for this one ( pg!)...

'someone must think I'm good at them!' wink

someone did say to me 'you make gorgeous ones' grin

PacificDogwood Tue 04-Oct-11 21:24:51

I used 'Did you mean that to sound so rude/intrusive/insensitive/stupid' - delete as appropriate - always said with an incredulous laugh. Every single person then started desperately backpedalling, making out it had been a joke grin.

Re size of bump - I was told I was massive/tiny on several occasions and just said 'Do you think so?' whatever the opinion was. As long as my MW/consultant were happy, wtf would I give any brainspace to anybody else's opinion? I delighted in thinking up abusive namecalling in my head, but managed not to say it out loud.

BTW, I had DS4 18/12 ago, so have the size of family I always hoped for, after 4 miscarriages and having had my first DC aged 37. So, when some old crone offered her bleeding condolences when I was out walking my gorgeous newborn, I am afraid I was just speechless. Did not say anything. Walked off. To this day, I have not come up with anything clever I could have said. I am still staggered when I think about it now.

Brace yourself. There will be remarks by stoopid people. Having said that, most people mean well, but suffer from Foot-in-Mouth-Disease. Much as I would have welcomed a girl in our family, I am very glad that the last one was a boy as I would not want any of them to have felt we just 'kept going' to 'get' a girl, grrrrr!

Congratulations! Boys are fab, noisy, affectionate, v physical, funny and mine make v entertaining Boy Piles now when they all wrestle together. They really are like a litter of puppies <<heart melts>>

Having said that, you are pregnant, you can say whatever you please: gawn, enjoy that privilege while it last and really let rip at the next person who annoys you wink!

notlettingthefearshow Tue 04-Oct-11 21:38:59

I can't believe how tactless people can be! It's sad that's the way their minds work. I would just rise above the comments and feel proud that you love all your children regardless of gender.

I'm sure it's something all expectant parents have to bear. It's our first and people are determined to find out what my preference is. They are convinced I'm lying when I say I don't mind. I never thought I would have kids and feel blessed to be pregnant. I can't think further than having a healthy baby.

I guess to be fair, from these threads I have realised a lot of people, rightly or wrongly, do feel strongly about gender, so it is not unreasonable to assume that others will share their feelings.

Oh, and congrats! 3 children. You are very lucky xxxx

lovemybabyboy Tue 04-Oct-11 21:56:41

Congrats on DS3 smile

I am currently 37+3 weeks pregnant with DC2. I dont know what Im having but already have a DS......everyone has been saying since I announced my pregnancy "oh I bet you are hoping for a girl" or "oh do you want a girl this time" or "it will be nice if you have a girl this time" etc etc!!!

Yes I would love a girl but I would also equally love another boy!!!
After suffering a mmc last year the sex of the baby is really not important to me.....I just want my baby born safely.
People just dont think before they speak really!!

m1nn1em0u5e Tue 04-Oct-11 22:20:15

I could have wrote this post myself!..I am 24 weeks pregnant with ds3, overjoyed, yet sooooo fed up of people & their comments....

'Im sorry you didnt get your daughter'
'Oh no'
'Tuts, better luck next time'
'Aah well, number 4 will be a girl'
'3 boys, ooh dont envy you!'
& on & on & on....

Its actually really upset me, that they think that only by having a girl will I be happy, when in reality we wanted a happy, healthy baby!....regardless of gender

I have used the 'we want a happy healthy baby'....& the 'we are well on the way to our own 5 a side'....but I honestly feel for my other 2 ds when people make such comments, my eldest (8) asked me if it would have been better to be having a girl!....I told him how special all my babies are & I just want happy, healthy children!....

whackamole Tue 04-Oct-11 22:20:48

I know exactly how you feel! I have twin boys and am 37+3 with another boy. With the exception of one lady at work, who asked if we knew what we were having and replied with how lovely to have all boys - everyone has asked me this.

I always just say I love having boys, I know what to do with them, and they will always look after me.

m1nn1em0u5e Tue 04-Oct-11 22:21:59

Ooh I really like the 'did you mean to be so insensitive?'....will save that one for the next obnoxious comment! smile

thegingerone Tue 04-Oct-11 22:24:22

I'm six weeks (approx) from meeting ds3 or dd1.

If he is ds3, I will prob murder everyone who offers their condolences that he's not a girl.

If she is dd1, I will murder everyone who says "Ah bet you're pleased to get a girl at last."

I have asked anyone who has pondered whether I'd prefer not to have another boy, if they've met my two gorgeous funny clever sons?

m1nn1em0u5e Tue 04-Oct-11 22:28:03

Lol Gingerone, I also used, 'well I do make gorgeous boys!'....

lollystix Tue 04-Oct-11 22:47:12

Congratulations - 3 boys is fab. I didn't find out with ds3 and got so much crap off family and random folk re never mind crap. It was really upsetting. I'm now pregs with ds4 and chose to find out to prepare myself (or rather others so they don't give me the same shit- I'm still getting it though). 3 boys IS fantastic and I'm hoping 4 will be even better. I make lovely boys as folk always tell mewink

thegingerone Tue 04-Oct-11 22:48:20

Drives me crackers that "people" think that boys are all crazy, loud, obnoxious creatures that destroy things and run around grunting!

Mine don't. They are lively kids in appropriate settings and very lovely thoughtful cuddly creatures when it's not sensible to have a light sabre fight!

m1nn1em0u5e Tue 04-Oct-11 22:51:57

My boys are crazy & sometimes loud, yet loving, full of cuddles & soooo damn gorgeous, funny & caring!..I cant wait for number 3 to arrive in January!....x

lollystix Tue 04-Oct-11 23:02:48

Lol thegingerone -ds3 has taken up light sabre fighting at 18months. He thinks he's 4!

KellyKettle Wed 05-Oct-11 04:02:47

I think some people just roll out stock comments when you're pregnant. I am only onto DC2 but already had plenty of "bet you're hoping for a boy" comments. It infuriates me too OP. it's like theyre suggesting there is something lacking in having a DD. One of DHs friends actually emailed this week with the comment "Bet you're hoping for first prize this time, a straight boy". I was disgusted.

As for the size thing. Only bf concerned if your MW is. I rarely see my MIL and we were recently at a funeral together. She looked at my stomach in church and frowned saying "were you this big at this stage with DD?". At the wake afterwards she asked why my bump was so small compared to last time. I decided to average out her comments which meant my bump was just right grin

It's hard not to snap though, I try to hold back for the sake of my own mental health.

Congratulations on your pregnancy btw! smile

Gill79 Wed 05-Oct-11 07:40:22

Grrr. "Another boy? Oh well, as long as it's healthy, thats the main thing....." I have had this SO many times this pg.

beatrice75 Wed 05-Oct-11 10:08:43

I have written down your clever lines and intend to put them to good use. I have to say the worst was my neighbour, an incredibly soured-faced b** who said (before I even knew what I was having) "You know, your boys really want a sister and they'd be soooooo disappointed if it's a boy!".
First things first, it's not even true! Secondly, even if it was, not much I can do about it if it is.. Honestly some people should just get a life!

wearymotherof6 Wed 05-Oct-11 10:42:36

i got this sooo often, being the mum of 5 ds and 1 dd(who's NOT the youngest by the way!) - it used to drive me insane - as if i'd be disappointed with the arrival of healthy sons! Have to say though, boys so so much easier than girls - all that hormonal angst was a flamin shock!

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