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45 year old with 3 year old struggling

(59 Posts)
jobbymcginty Wed 12-Feb-20 17:26:34

Hi my ds turned 3 the other day I'll be 45 in a few months I also have a teenage ds.
I feel like the most shit mum. I work nightshift so that doesn't help .
I'm constantly tired and I know I don't have the same energy I had 13 years ago with ds2. My little bit wants to play constantly, follow me everywhere an I'm just so tired I feel such a shit mum. I love my kids so much and both my ds were very much wanted I just feel so lazy and don't know how to get better at doing things with my little one. Most of the time I just want to rest

squishedgrapes Wed 12-Feb-20 17:29:11

It is exhausting, which is why you're so tired. Is his father any help at all? Does he have a nursery place?

jobbymcginty Wed 12-Feb-20 17:38:59

Hi dad only sees him for about an hour before bedtime and on a Sunday as he's out all day on Saturday for a Hobby. He starts nursery in April. I think it's just my age that's making me so tired and also looking after my dad as my mum does a year ago. My dads physically ok for his age but very lonely and relies on me a lot, which I don't mind as he is my dad.
I don't remember it being this tough 1st time round but I was 10'years younger i suppose

OhioOhioOhio Wed 12-Feb-20 17:46:01

It would have been that tough. Cut yourself some slack. Bet you are great.

jobbymcginty Wed 12-Feb-20 17:51:11

I've been told I'm a great mum I just don't feel it, I don't know why I'm posting just struggling at the moment I suppose life is hard at times , I'm so thankfully for my boys as I suffered 8 mmc. Just find it overwhelming at times I guess

GrumpyHoonMain Wed 12-Feb-20 17:53:59

Out of interest why does your DP feel entitled to a hobby day when you don’t have the same? He clearly isn’t helping as much as he could if he can opt out of family life for an entire day

fishonabicycle Wed 12-Feb-20 17:56:01

I think your partner needs to step up a bit.

Ragwort Wed 12-Feb-20 18:06:22

Of course you are tired if you work nights, give yourself some slack.

I had a 3 year old when I was 45 - but he was my only child, I was a SAHM (DS was in nursery school most of the time blush) and I had a very supportive DH - it was still tiring.

Candlecandle Wed 12-Feb-20 18:10:38

It is exhausting, it really is isn't it. If your partner has one day a week for a hobby you should get the same. One day a week is quite a lot though.....could he cut down to once a fortnight and then you get the same, alternate Saturdays?

Selfsettling3 Wed 12-Feb-20 18:24:07

How long is your little in nursery for? How much sleep are you getting?

Yesterdayforgotten Wed 12-Feb-20 18:27:55

OP I'm in my early 30's and find it so tough with two so you're doing an amazing job. Cut yourself some slack, we can only do our best and I'm sure your little girl is thriving flowers

Fannia Wed 12-Feb-20 18:28:30

Any chance of changing to days? I know it's hard with childcare but I really see the difference in my dh since he changed from nights to days.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Wed 12-Feb-20 18:29:42

Oh god honestly, take the Sunday for yourself. Dh can do a day with the little one and you recharge.

What's the arrangements for weekdays? Does your son go to childcare while you sleep between shifts?

Yesterdayforgotten Wed 12-Feb-20 18:29:53

Selfsettling3 op said her dc starts nursery in April.

Yesterdayforgotten Wed 12-Feb-20 18:30:56

Sorry op I said little girl and meant little boy in my message.

Snaleandthewhail Wed 12-Feb-20 18:35:26

It’s really hard. And just because you had a really tough time getting him, it doesn’t mean you can’t find it really hard work.

Are you looking after him during the day when you’re sleeping? When do you get any time to yourself? And echoing pp to say his Dad needs to step up a bit.

I have a three year old too. He has nearly broken me. And then I feel the guilt. It’s what they do.

Yesterdayforgotten Wed 12-Feb-20 18:39:38

Mine is currently testing me as I try second attempt to get him to eat his dinner before take him for his bath while holding his baby sibling sad
OP its unbelievably hard and the fact you have added responsibility with your df on top of it
You're doing great!

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit Wed 12-Feb-20 18:41:45

Hobbies are a luxury that need to be dropped until you’re rested

jobbymcginty Wed 12-Feb-20 18:56:54

I have no childcare my mum and dad used to watch him when I slept but my dad doesn't feel able to watch him now my mum has gone . I can only do nights due to childcare as it's 12.5 hour shifts and I have no one during the day to look after him as my dh works mom- fri 8.30-5.30.
He'll be going to nursery I'm unsure of hours as it's a council run nursery I think it's 9-11.45 but I've not had a letter with times yet

Fannia Wed 12-Feb-20 19:05:45

Does this mean you work all night and don't get any sleep in the day? No wonder you are tired!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Wed 12-Feb-20 19:10:37

Age has nothing to do with this - it's down to lack of sleep.

Is your husband happy that you are working all night and awake with his child all day? No loving husband would accept their wife putting themselves through this.

Yesterdayforgotten Wed 12-Feb-20 19:13:24

OP when do you actually sleep??

bloodywhitecat Wed 12-Feb-20 19:16:06

It's not your age, it's the night shifts. I am 56, I am foster mum to a 3 year old and a 13 week old, I am not as tired now as I was last year when I didn't foster but did work night shifts. Nothing screws with your ability to get quality sleep like working nights does. None of this makes you a shit mum though, you are a mum doing her very best in difficult circumstances and that is all any of us can do.

jobbymcginty Wed 12-Feb-20 19:37:02

Yeah I don't get any sleep during the day. I used to sleep when my son napped but he dropped his naps about 6 months ago. I definitely agree nightshift doesn't help my tiredness I wish I don't have to work at all but in this day and age we all do and especially with a teenager who eats and grows all the time.
I try my best to do split nights as I really can't function dong them together. I'm often up for 32 hours at a time without sleep!! That can't be right i must be working that out wrong? So I'm up at 8 in the morning and I don't get to bed till 8 the following night when I'm night shift. No wonder I'm exhausted

pipnchops Wed 12-Feb-20 20:06:39

Oh my goodness, no wonder you're tired. I have a 3 year old, I'm a SAHM and 7 years younger than you and it's absolutely exhausting. I have no idea how you work night shifts and look after your DS on so little sleep, you are super mum. I really think you need to think about getting some childcare during the day so you can catch up on sleep.

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